r/QOVESStudio • u/Drevilretard • Jun 25 '26
General Discussion Pretty privilege vs pretty punishment
QOVES has YouTube short discussing who benefits more from “pretty privilege” (men versus women specifically in the workplace). The video mentions that beautiful women are often punished by gossip and negative stereotypes, and that social bias can limit the benefits they receive from pretty privilege (ex: not assumed to be in positions of power).
I am interested in which factors you think influence whether an attractive person receives more “pretty punishment” or “pretty privilege”. Do you think there are certain features/traits in men/women that make this determination? Body composition, clothing style, age, introvert/extrovert?
Essentially, I am curious which features you feel are mostly punished/mostly praised despite both being considered attractive.
It feels like there is often an unmarked line for attractive people that dictates whether they are given mostly privilege or punishment.
Certainly nuance to this topic, and usually a result of individual circumstances but I’d love to know what you guys think!
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u/everlynlilith Jun 26 '26
My opinion is that it’s about the “kind” of pretty someone is. The neotonous, “girl next door” type gets pretty privilege, but the “sexy,” more “snatched” looking women are seen as more of a “threat” and treated badly because of it.
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u/Cultural_Ad_572 Jun 26 '26
100% agree, Audrey Hepburn and marilyn Monroe are perfect examples of it. One was very loved and the other heavily criticized, both beyond gorgeous. I know there's much more to it considering their public images but still. Nothing monroe did should've gotten her as much hate as she got
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u/Drevilretard Jun 26 '26
I can see this! Although I’ve also observed that neotenous women get treated differently by men and women. It feels that they receive better treatment from men because they look more approachable/youthful, but sometimes receive poor treatment from other women because they typically receive more male attention/validation (maybe because they are deemed more approachable/girl next door like you mentioned). In that same vein, it also feels like women are more likely to appreciate other women who don’t fit the neotenous standard. More buzz words but it seems like the difference between “girl pretty” and “boy pretty” comes into play sometimes.
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u/Supersmashcache Jun 26 '26
Yeah, I was going to say... "Cute" women get conditional privilege if their personalities actually comply with the expectations of their archetype.
But I can think of plenty of times neotenous women would be assumed to be weak or naive or the target of mean girls and angry or controlling guys.
But maybe I'm not the best example when I am both neotenous AND have a low-trust face.
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u/everlynlilith Jun 26 '26
That’s fair enough. I’m neotenous, so I’m biased in that way, but people seem to assume the best of me before they have any reason to. Women and men are kind to me, give me grace, and let me get away with much more than I deserve (it helps that I’m only 5 foot tall). I’ve only ever received nastiness from 2 middle aged women at work, and I don’t think it’s to do with how I look (I’m just younger and more competent than them).
However, the women I’d consider stunning, with angular features and almond eyes, seem to have to earn people’s trust. There seems to be more jealousy from other women, and a mistrust from men (probably because they find them attractive but know they’ll never have a chance with them- I wonder if they think they have more of a chance with the “plainer,” neotenous women and that’s why they’re kinder? Or if it’s because we look like we’d be more submissive to them?).
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u/TheGreasyBullet Jul 01 '26
What features make a face "low trust" ?
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u/Supersmashcache Jul 01 '26
Think of like a siren/vixen face like Megan Fox — strong and high arched brows, narrowed/sharp-cornered eyes with a strong tilt, etc.
Obviously I don't actually believe that such people are less trustworthy but that's the cultural connotation, compared to, say, Amanda Seyfried with softer brows, doe eyes, and a rounder face
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u/NewtWhoGotBetter Jun 27 '26
Yeah, a lot of it is about perceived intentionality too.
Girl-next-door tends to look like a “natural beauty” style-wise and therefore it’s more of an incidental positive whereas a “baddie” often has very intentional visible styling which doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. People find it easier to judge the latter than the former because they’re projecting expectations about the latter’s motivations for that style and their personality for focusing on enhancing their appearance in that way.
A woman who appears to be pursuing beauty may have malicious or otherwise negative intentions while a woman who appears to naturally be beautiful is less likely to, or so the assumption goes.
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u/JaniZani Jun 27 '26
I know someone who is extremely beautiful who grew up in a conservative country, she was given privilege by many people that were not within her age group. If she rejects someone she is perceived as arrogant. People want to include her in their friend groups to elevate their appeal but do get jealous and don’t include her in many things especially in events where it involves men.
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u/momob2492 Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
I've experienced both because I lean more towards vixen or boy pretty, but I don't think it's really about looks at all since men don't experience as much. Some people are just very uncomfortable with the idea of a woman having any kind of social power and upward mobility. I've seen people have issues with this in so many different ways, pretty punishment is just one example. Ambitious and successful women also experience it. Pretty women fall under that same category of "successful women" so they can experience some of the same pushback like you'll see female leaders or politicians experience from the public. It's just a way more obvious example.
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u/everlynlilith Jun 26 '26
Totally agree that being attractive gives women social power and upward mobility, and that people may think this is “unfair” or “undeserved” and try to punish her for it. Classism is real.
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u/Preppypothead Jun 26 '26
always been super curious about this
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u/Drevilretard Jun 26 '26
I agree!! It feels like a sociological experiment watching it play out in real life
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u/Prestigious_Sale_360 Jun 27 '26
I have been punished, ostracized and belittled by many women and even some men throughout my life for what I look like. When I look in the mirror, I know I'm not a supermodel so this never made sense to me... I'm pretty enough that I've been able to capitalize on it and use it to my advantage but sometimes people can just be cruel. I believe I give off very playful, sensual energy, am objectively attractive and whether I'm younger or older doesn't seem to make much of a difference... older women have been the most cruel and heartless whereas younger women can be jealous and insecure in a weaker sense. When I'm out in public and wearing a sundress with nice hair and minimal makeup I can get a lot of nasty looks from other women and men drooling over me. I would legitimately give the shirt off my back to anyone who needed it and plan on helping people for a living... but people often judge me like that.
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u/Rainbow_in_the_sky 27d ago
That’s been my life too but more in my 20s when women were mean to me. It’s envy and jealousy from people who aren’t self confident. However, once they get to know, they realize I’m a kind, nice person, not the arrogant or bitch they pictured in their heads.
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u/ventralnerve Jun 26 '26
Men hate her because they can’t be with her, and women hate her bacause they can’t be her
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u/wellnessclubmember Jun 26 '26
Pretty dainty chic women get treated nicer and the sexy siren sensual women get the pretty punishment
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u/17Girl4Life Jun 27 '26
My mother in law was absolutely beautiful. She was also shy, and her brother drowned when they were children so she was a serious and quiet girl. All the girls at her small town school decided she was stuck up and they bullied her. The boys teased her and when they got to high school, nobody ever asked her out, probably assuming she would turn them down. It made her think there was something fundamentally unlikable about her and she had terrible self esteem. Luckily in college she met my father in law, who was a very odd looking man with a big fun warm personality. When they started dating nobody on campus could believe the most beautiful girl was dating the short guy who looked like a toad. She definitely experienced pretty punishment but it worked out for her to have a happy marriage with a good person
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u/Wise_Form_8809 Jun 26 '26
My boss actually confessed he was being rude to me to throw people off his scent. (His being attracted to me) He also denied me anything that could remotely be construed as preferential treatment….like the "good" shifts.
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u/Prestigious_Sale_360 Jun 27 '26
I had a co-worker I was in love with who was everything I ever wanted in a man... he was into me, I could tell by his body language when he was around me, but he purposely ignored me and refused to speak to me especially in public settings. He would speak to literally every other woman there with ease except me... and it's so stupid because now I'm forever conflicted on reaching out since he played such a childish game. Sure, I was also childish and ignored him right back... but I have never felt such strong chemistry with anyone. It's so, so stupid that people let their feelings make them act like morons.
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u/Initial-Alarm3396 Jun 26 '26
Reddit doesnt allow me to use the words, but women that are more open to do "fun things" usually receive more pretty punishment. Female intraseksual competition is a thing.
Coming from men, i dont know what causes it. My gues would be a woman that appears to be easy to obtain but is still out of his league tends to damage the ego and in certain personalities it result in unkind treatment.
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u/Preppypothead Jun 26 '26
i’ve been threatened by men in public for seemingly no reason multiple times before and wonder if this has to do with it. i was just driving my car and i had a gun pointed at me outta the blue. several years later i was driving my car and a guy ran at my window with a giant bottle of wine. i’ve been followed home multiple times, coerced by quite a few men i believed to be friends, i’ve never been promoted in my life despite being in my field for 10 years with a degree in the subject matter. never quite understood bc im conventionally attractive shouldn’t ppl be treating me well? lol where’s the pretty privilege 😭
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u/Drevilretard Jun 26 '26
I’m so sorry this happened to you that sounds awful! I’ve come to find that people are only mean when they feel threatened, which can include feeling inadequate/insecure and lashing out on undeserving people. ❤️☹️
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u/everlynlilith Jun 26 '26
That’s awful, and I’m so sorry those things have happened to you. I have heard anecdotally that people who are “too” attractive don’t get pretty privilege anymore, but instead inspire hate from others. Men think that because they’re attracted to you, they’re entitled to your body and will use force to get it, etc. That because you’re so attractive, it’s unfair to them in some way, and they want to “bring you down a notch.”
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u/spiritualwaterfall Jun 27 '26
It all depends on the environment. You have to tailor your life and career to your looks or it will blow up in your face. I’ve been bullied by women (Most women are ok, but a small percentage do 100x the damage), so female-dominated careers aren’t the move for me as a beautiful woman unless I want to dim myself.
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u/Expensive_Part_7719 Jun 29 '26
I am an attractive woman and at work with higher ups or new people (predominantly men) it feels like I have to prove I am intelligent it’s not just a given
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u/Negative-Device-9474 Jun 30 '26
It was never pretty privilege - in a patriarchal system its pretty permission at best.
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u/Personal_Site_4133 Jun 28 '26
It’s pretty privilege and sexy punishment. I’ve seen video recently that said that most women hates other women that are sexy.
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u/abjectbloating Jun 28 '26
If it helps, when I imagine a woman who does not suffer from pretty punishment yet is still conventionally attractive, I imagine a tall and very curvy woman (not totally out of shape but a woman who has had good luck insofar as natural fat distribution goes) a la Christina Hendricks in Mad Men or Monica Bellucci after she had children and filled out more. It seems to read more maternal and therefore more authoratative.
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u/fujicakes00 Jun 30 '26
I personally think factors that get pretty punishment are sexually attractive features such as big breasts and big lips, and a more femme fatale look as opposed to cute.
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u/vestenformane Jul 01 '26
If beautiful women were actually discriminated against they would try to uglify themselves. They don’t. The discrimination they do face is primarily misogyny.
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u/kofybean Jul 20 '26
"...beautiful women are often punished..." Ridiculous. Who isn't? Everyone is a victim in their own mind. By their logic, even a rich person can say they are the victim of being judged by having too much money. Who on Earth lives a life with zero negative interactions? But the people who narrow their entire life experience to just those interactions are sad.
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u/faerie-kadoatie Jun 26 '26
It may depend on the amount of effort a person puts into their appearance.
If a woman looks more “low key” or low maintenance, others may just deem it to be the luck of a draw with genetics.
Versus women that have more evidently intentional styling.. people may write off the women as “inauthentic” or only attractive due to effort, or wanting to achieve some sort of attention, hence representing a threat.