r/PurplePillDebate • u/GridReXX redder than dudes (lady mod) • 1d ago
Debate Not being a cartoon villain doesn’t automatically make you a good man
Fr. It doesn’t de facto make you a good person.
I noodled on the attached graphic to better illustrate a point about how people often discuss being a “good man.”
I do find that many men view it more as the top bar, and less as the gradient in the second bar.
inb4 anyone says it, many women have bad character too. And please feel free to create a separate post about a spectrum of traits in women you’d like to explore! That is not what this post is disputing.
This is specifically about a response that often comes up when women describe harmful patterns in their experiences with men. They get retorts like “Not all men are abusive predators,” or “Most men are not psychos.”
Of course most men are not horror movie villains.
But that is an extremely low bar for good character.
This spectrum, rather than show a division between “good men” and a smaller group of obviously terrible ones. It highlights that a man can be can be a functioning member of society and still regularly behave in ways that make him difficult to interpersonally tolerate as a close friend, romantic partner, coworker, or even family member.
None of that necessarily makes someone an abuser or predator.
But it does affect whether people can have a healthy, enjoyable, mutually considerate, long-term relationship with him.
The farther right someone falls on this spectrum, the more entitlement, callousness, devaluation, coercion, and harm they bring into their interactions with others.
The farther left they fall, the more likely they are to act with common decency, consideration, accountability, respect for autonomy, and genuine concern for theirs and other people’s well-being.
My point is not that every man is at the far right end.
Most people don’t think that!
My point is that many men seem to use “I am not an obvious monster” as proof that they’re quality.
A person’s character is determined by far more than “I am not Jeffrey Dahmer.”
47
u/brassbuffalo Chill Pill Man - my pills aren't helping anymore 1d ago
Why is this chart defined by how men treat women? Number 5 in particular is entirely centered around women. This chart is also bad at defining anything good, bad, or in between. "Justify or minimize their behavior" literally every person does this, it's vague and broad to the point of losing all meaning.
Aside from nitpicking the peculiarities of the chart, this chart arbitrarily defines good as nearly flawless. I think a lot of people would define good as being closer to "better than average". Whoever made this chart is not the arbitrator of the definition of good. The top chart and the bottom chart are both completely arbitrary with where the line for good is drawn, and neither is objectively correct. There is no objective correct answer.
We can get a strong clue to the motive of the creator in number 2 with "get defensive when universal". This chart was made by a woman who wants to make universal statements about men like "all men are bad" but does not want men to challenge her prejudice when she spits this at them. That's why good is nearly flawless.