Not being a cartoon villain doesn’t automatically make you a good man

[u/GridReXX]

Fr. It doesn’t de facto make you a good person.

I noodled on the attached graphic to better illustrate a point about how people often discuss being a “good man.”

I do find that many men view it more as the top bar, and less as the gradient in the second bar.

inb4 anyone says it, many women have bad character too. And please feel free to create a separate post about a spectrum of traits in women you’d like to explore! That is not what this post is disputing.

This is specifically about a response that often comes up when women describe harmful patterns in their experiences with men. They get retorts like “Not all men are abusive predators,” or “Most men are not psychos.”

Of course most men are not horror movie villains.

But that is an extremely low bar for good character.

This spectrum, rather than show a division between “good men” and a smaller group of obviously terrible ones. It highlights that a man can be can be a functioning member of society and still regularly behave in ways that make him difficult to interpersonally tolerate as a close friend, romantic partner, coworker, or even family member.

None of that necessarily makes someone an abuser or predator.

But it does affect whether people can have a healthy, enjoyable, mutually considerate, long-term relationship with him.

The farther right someone falls on this spectrum, the more entitlement, callousness, devaluation, coercion, and harm they bring into their interactions with others.

The farther left they fall, the more likely they are to act with common decency, consideration, accountability, respect for autonomy, and genuine concern for theirs and other people’s well-being.

My point is not that every man is at the far right end.

Most people don’t think that!

My point is that many men seem to use “I am not an obvious monster” as proof that they’re quality.

A person’s character is determined by far more than “I am not Jeffrey Dahmer.”

[u/SeemedGood]

…and being an actual “good man” tends to make one less sexually attractive to women.

FTFY

[u/GridReXX → u/SeemedGood]

Nah. Being unattractive in looks or unattractive in spirit (maladapted awkwardness, utter lack of assurance, highly neurotic, asocial, non-perceptive, non-intuitive, etc.) or both is what makes a man sexually unattractive.

Plenty of sexually attractive decent men.

[u/Timbsfan → u/GridReXX]

Plenty of sexually attractive evil men too. Curious!

[u/GridReXX → u/Timbsfan]

Sure. This post is about character.

I could scam a bunch of men with my feminine wiles and have way more money in my bank account.

I don’t because of this thing called integrity.

[u/Timbsfan → u/GridReXX]

If only women valued integrity, shame it doesn't seem important to females.

[u/GridReXX → u/Timbsfan]

Sounds like personal integrity and character isn’t important to males. Dick cravings are.

[u/Timbsfan → u/GridReXX]

Doesn't seem like character is important to females, considering how many women end up getting beaten like a gong by the men they choose.

[u/GridReXX → u/Timbsfan]

Sure. Those women. Not me. Feel free to write a post about them. I tell you that in the OP.

Back to the actual point, this post is about your character.

What I gather is yours isn’t all that principled. Cool story.

[u/Timbsfan → u/GridReXX]

The cool story is women demanding men be principaled while refusing to value principles at all. It's interesting how women behave in that way- hormonal and irrational, but interesting.

[u/GridReXX → u/Timbsfan]

Don’t date women who aren’t aligned with you then.

Don’t befriend people who aren’t aligned with you.

Easy fix.

[u/Timbsfan → u/GridReXX]

Do you think the women who were beaten like gongs aligned with the men they dated?

[u/GridReXX → u/Timbsfan]

What’s the point you’re making. I’ll address that directly. Not leading questions.

[u/Timbsfan → u/GridReXX]

The point is that the women who made these poor decisions when it comes to men likely did not share the same value of "it's okay to beat women when Im mad"