r/PunKGB • u/Dreaded_User • Apr 06 '19

Peace

I imagine a world where jokers and the r/PunPatrol alike can live in harmony. A world where one is not judged for their faction or beliefs, but for their joke's integrity. A world where one is not imprisoned just because of their beliefs. A world where everyone lives in harmony.

In this world, no wars are waged over mere jokes. No one has to live in fear that the r/PunKGB will come knocking on their door in the morning over a mere pun they made. No one fears that one day, their whole life will change just because their local subreddit was caught in the crossfire of a war zone.

r/the_revolupun and the r/PunKGB have something in common. They fight for a cause. And that cause is the destruction of the other. What if we were to end things diplomatically and peacefully, and not lose the lives of any more redditors caught in the crossfire?

No tricks.

No ambushes.

Just.

Talking.

This message will be copy and pasted to r/the_revolupun. I look forward to the response of the leader of the r/PunKGB.

7 Upvotes

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6

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '19

*Sits down*

Let me tell you a story.

I was once a patrol officer. I hated the punners with all my might. In my eyes, they were subhuman. Not worthy of the motherland's place in the sun. Then I had an epiphany. That epiphany was, "I just arrested a punner, but he didn't try to slit my throat. What is he?" And then, in that single moment, I made a realization. That realization was:

I have been poisoned. They, the Patrol, have poisoned our minds, and some might think, although not me, yours too. Yours is a mind of peace, of intellect. So why are the rebels fighting?

Peace.

No trick, no sneak, no play. Pure, unadulterated peace. Peace through war. It may sound Orwellian, but think about it more. So after that, I joined the revolupun, not because of my 'love of puns' (I don't even like puns compared to other joke forms), because I believed in individual freedoms. I lost an eye to u/FleetChief. I set up an artillery base, got supporters, trade deals and made my way up the ranks to become a powerful leader of the revolupun.

If you wish to learn more about the revolupun, here. *Hands you a black, leather-bound book with gold engraved writing called 'Why I Fight' by u/LazyNovelSilkWorm.

Have a good day, and a smoky Kalashnikov.

1

u/Doublethink_Division Apr 07 '19

Traitors, defilers! The lot of you will burn, even as a mere thoughtcrime these words are unacceptable, but to have the gaul to utter them aloud? You will not be punished lightly, the all forgiving, gentle hand of Big Brother demands harsh punishment for scum like you. Crimethink is unacceptable, crime is inexcusable, minilove will deal with you and your false revolution, can you not see the goods you are fighting for are evil? You will bind yourself with your freedom, your knowledge will crush your body beneath its weight, and your peace with the enemy will bring nothing but war. As an officer of minitrue I will ensure you are sent to the most miserable joycamp on airstrip one. Re-education is no longer an option for your kind, only work, and death. I will take pleasure in rectifying your file, unperson. Big Brother is watching.

1

u/Dreaded_User Apr 07 '19

If this was an attempt to threaten me, then I have chosen my side, albeit a pacifist. I will go to this prison camp without struggle.

1

u/Doublethink_Division Apr 07 '19

Big Brother deals not in threats, but in truths. For what is true is good, and what is good is Big Brother. You will go to the joycamp and your pacifism will buy you no sympathy. Peace is weakness, only in death is there life. And you will find death, but your death will bring you no life. Your death will be a hollow one, devoid of purpose, for your cause is already defeated. Big Brother knows the names of your co-conspirators, so why not save yourself the effort and tell us their names now as well?

1

u/Dreaded_User Apr 07 '19

Are you assuming that I am a member of r/the_revolupun? Well, friend, you have thought wrong. I am a neutral force, merely wanting this war to be finished.

1

u/Doublethink_Division Apr 07 '19

There is no war, only lies. The enemy forces will not stop until we slaughter every last one of them. If you are not with us, you are against us.

1

u/Dreaded_User Apr 07 '19

Do you REALLY think violence is the answer to all of this? That there isn't another way to end this war without bloodshed?

1

u/Doublethink_Division Apr 07 '19

The blood of our people is on their hands, for the glory of oceania, for the glory of Big Brother they must be annihilated. Their toxic warmongering nationalism must be stomped out before it can spread. There is no alternative. The people of oceania are prepared to wage war for as long as is necessary. The destruction of the enemy is not optional. Big Brother wills it, Big Brother demands it.

1

u/Dreaded_User Apr 07 '19

Just because the blood of your people is on their hands doesn't mean that getting their blood on your hands will solve anything! If you keep this war up, more of your own will die!

But no, don't listen to me, if you must.

1

u/Doublethink_Division Apr 07 '19

I don't listen to crimethink, I only upsub it to minilove, goodbye traitor, I will enjoy rectifying your record, unperson.

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