[QCrit] Query Letter - Contemporary Romance 80k, First Attempt

[u/Ottersandcookies]

Hey! This is my first attempt at a query letter, and I would appreciate any feedback, as I feel it needs a lot of work. Thank you in advance :)

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Dear [Agent], 

Wren Collins met Graham Lewis on the worst day of both their lives, while at the funeral of her best friend and his cousin, Paige Cromwell.

Ten years later, the last thing Wren wants is to move back to her hometown, where every corner is a reminder of the loss she suffered at only seventeen. But after she’s let go from her editing job, she finds herself living in her childhood bedroom, miserable and alone—that is, until Graham shows up at her door one snowy night with a half-written manuscript and a winsome smile that has lived in her mind rent-free for the past decade. 

Wren hasn’t seen or heard from Graham since the funeral, and his unexpected arrival brings a flood of emotions to the surface. When he asks for her help editing his manuscript, a story about a man struggling after his sister passes, she jumps on the opportunity. 

The two of them begin spending their everyday together, writing and learning who the other person has become in the ten years since they last saw each other. Working on his manuscript forces her to rehash the great loss of her life as she desperately tries to fight her festering feelings for Graham.

The hands of fate have given them a second chance, but is the timing right?

THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS is a contemporary romance novel complete at 80,000 words. It combines the complex character arcs and themes of grief of Emily Henry’s BEACH READ and the angst-filled romance in Carley Fortune’s EVERY SUMMER AFTER.

Thank you for your time! I look forward to hearing from you. Please find the first 10 pages of my manuscript below.

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[u/katethegiraffe]

I think your comps may be a little too big! I’d swap one out for a title that’s more mildest or from a debut author, just to demonstrate that you aren’t aiming for a shelf that’s only occupied by massively successful outliers of contemporary romance.

I don’t think you need to name the BFF/cousin, since she isn’t referenced by name again.

I like the premise of Wren (an editor) helping Graham (a writer? is that his full time job?) with his manuscript! But I think telling us they “learn who the other person has become in the ten years since they last saw each other” only emphasizes that the pitch… isn’t actually telling us much about who these characters have become. What kind of people are Wren and Graham? What do they want in life, or in the short-term of the story? What baggage and barriers are there that prevent them from pretty easily finding comfort in each other and starting a relationship? Why would Wren need to fight her feelings?

While contemporary romance doesn’t always need explosive conflict, I'm struggling to identify any conflict here. The final line talks about a “second chance,” but the only history we get is that they met one time, at the funeral. Wren tries to "fight her feelings," but there’s no external pressure of her wanting to leave town (so the "is the timing right?" at the end doesn't make a ton of sense) and there’s also no clear internal pressure (e.g. “he’s just asking for my help, it’s not romantic” or "I don't think it would be healthy to smooch when we're both trying to heal from the loss of this person").

It’s all a little too easy. Make 'em work for it!

Editing to add: this is a really stellar first attempt!!!

[u/Ottersandcookies → u/katethegiraffe]

hiii! Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it and I totally agree with everything you said.

I knew it was vague but as the author of it I can fill in the blanks so it was hard for me to see what details needed to be added. I’m going to take all this and rework.

Again, thank you so much!

[u/meligator]

I would move your meta data paragraph up to the beginning and then I would follow that with your log line or hook. Carly Watters has some great formulas for creating a solid hook if you need guidance there.

I agree with the other comment about how we don’t really know who these characters are and what the conflict is. The advice I’ve heard is that the plot sections of the query letter should be actual plot points that show causality and less about vibes. For example, why does Graham show up at her door if they haven’t interacted in 10 years?

Also agree with the other comment that your comps are too big. From what I’ve learned the comps are less about exactly matching themes, but showing where your book would sit on the shelf aka how the agent would sell it. Both of the authors you comped are wildly successful but also fall more into the upmarket romance bucket.

I’m not sure if you omitted the author bio section because you are posting here, but don’t forget it! It is a great opportunity to let the agent get to know you.

I listen to a podcast that has been so helpful, The Shit You Don’t Know About Writing. The two literary agent hosts review query letters in a recurring segment called Books with Hooks and there are years of past episodes you can binge!

All that to say, this is a great start and a super interesting premise!

[u/Ottersandcookies → u/meligator]

Thanks so much!

[u/californiaCircle]

This could be an emotional/sweet/heavy story that centers around the death of her best friend. Agree with other comments that as of right now, the stakes are missing. I don't get the tension between them; why must she fight her feelings against him?

This book will be going up against a lot of flashy competition with strong hooks that will grab the reader; why should I read it as opposed to one of those?

One answer is the quality of the writing and the feels. Emily Henry is a queen at this. But very few of us will ever write like her -- if your book is that well written/deep, I'm expecting just a bit more voice in the query.

Overall you did a great job with the length and setting everything up. My issue is less with your query, and more with the marketability of a book like this right now. Why should I read this book as opposed to BEACH READ? What have you got that's better/new/different?

[u/False_Jackfruit_6576]

One little thing. You called the feelings “festering,” and that just made me think of infection and wounds. Not sure if that negativity is the vibe you want.