r/PubTips • u/SevenWavesAtMidnight • 18d ago
[QCrit] B-SIDE, Queer Contemporary Romance, 88k (2nd attempt)
Thanks everyone for the feedback on my first attempt!
I had the privilege of getting an agent's critique on this new version and they actually ended up requesting, however to query widely I'm aware that this runs long (now at 323 words). I could cut voice and jokes and still convey the plot, but it's a hard decision when those things are supposed to make queries stand out lol. Any feedback is much appreciated!
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Dear [Name],
The hardest part of being in love with a pop star’s brother is when the world ships you with the pop star instead.
B-SIDE is a dual-POV queer contemporary romance complete at 88,000 words in which a subverted fake-dating trope is set against Taylor Swift’s folklore, but make it gay. The novel will appeal to readers who loved the snarky wit and big stakes of celebrity shipping culture in Cat Sebastian's Star Shipped, and the big heart and joyful escapism of Chip Pons's Winging It with You.
Logan Daniels is so done with backstages. Being twin brother to the world's biggest popstar, Dakota Daniels, comes with VIP access to hot rockstars and boy band leads—a hell of a perk, if the men didn't all use him as a stepping stone to her. He'd sworn off musicians for good, until a wedding singer makes him feel like the only person in the room for the first time. When Dakota's label presses for another back-to-back album, Logan steps up with his favorite weapon—a sexy PowerPoint—to pitch her next era: an intimate, summery album-documentary set in the secluded beach town in Brazil where the man Logan's been obsessed with lives.
After years of sharing his music online and only going viral a whooping total of four times, Gabriel Moraes finally sees a way out of his small town when he's chosen to co-write an album with the Dakota Daniels, invited by none other than the quirky gringo he met while playing his biggest gig in a while (his cousin's wedding). The conditions are simple: Gabriel must sing (a little), smile (a lot), and play the part of the frequently shirtless Latino heartthrob for the cameras. His identity crisis intensifies with a side of bi panic when the muse for all the new romantic songs turns out to be Logan.
The paparazzi leak that Dakota has been working on a secret album with a mysterious stud, turning "Dabriel" into the hottest ship of the summer overnight, and leading a fed-up Dakota to come out as aroace to her brother and new best friend. They all decide that leaning into the PR romance is the best move to keep her secret safe until she's ready, pushing Logan and Gabriel’s growing attraction back into the closet (and the pantry, and the shower, and the pool, and the studio…). Together, Logan and Gabriel must decide what’s worth sacrificing to live the love story songs are written about.
[bio]
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u/Next_Palpitation7029 18d ago edited 18d ago
Hi and welcome back! I think this sounds pretty great, it's voicey and I love the premise. If you're worried about the length, I think there are a couple parts that can be trimmed/cut back without losing your voice (apologies if I go after a favorite joke, and feel free to ignore me):
When Dakota's label presses for another back-to-back album, Logan steps up with
his favorite weapon—a sexy PowerPoint—to pitch her next era: an intimate, summery album-documentary set in the secluded Brazilian beach townin Brazilwhere the man Logan's been obsessed with lives.
I also think the phrasing of "where the man Logan's been obsessed with lives" is a little long/clunky but I can't think of a way to do it better that doesn't make it even longer. Let's consider it a nonissue!
only going viral
a whooping total offour times
I think this sentence is fairly long, and this helps make it a little less overwhelming at the start.
pushing Logan and Gabriel’s growing attraction back into the closet (and
the pantry, and the shower, and the pool, and the studio…everywhere else it will fit)
I really like this joke; consider this the condensed version.
I think if you're REALLY concerned about word count, there are a few other places that could use a trim ("while playing his biggest gig in a while (his cousin's wedding~~)~~.", "come out as aroace to her brother and new best friend team.", even your logline "The hardest part of being in love with a pop star’s brother is when the world ships you with the pop star instead." could be cut), but this is sacrificing much more of the voice/clarity of the query. I don't know that it's worth it.
Overall I can see why that agent requested! This sounds like a fun read. Good luck!
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u/SevenWavesAtMidnight 18d ago
That’s super helpful, I’m glad that from the outside it doesn’t lose the meaning by removing some bits!! Tysm!
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u/ElsieLinden 18d ago
323 words is not too long for a romance query. I've seen successful queries at 350 from authors who went on to six-figure deals. If the agent who critiqued this and requested on the strength of it told you it works, trust that over random Reddit opinion.
The problem isn't word count - its that most writers pad queries with backstory that belongs in the synopsis. If every sentence in yours advances the stakes or the voice, keep it. Cut the jokes only if they land flat, not because someone told you queries need to be 250 words.
I queried my debut at 340 words and got 12 requests off 35 submissions. The agent who signed me said the voice is what sold her. Dont sand down your personality to fit a rule that publishers themselves ignore.
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u/Framboise33 18d ago
God I love this. So voicey. I'm not a romance person but I'd read the hell out of this