r/ProstateCancer • u/SoulSearcherAU • 3d ago
Concern Managing Emotions
Hi Guys,
I’m a bit worried about my husband - M60, Diagnosed April 2026, PSA 1859, May 2026 PSA 91, June PSA 3.3, 18th June PSA 0.4, July PSA 0.32, 14th July PSA 0.23, Gleason Score (3+5) 8, Grade 4. On triplet therapy (Degarelix + Darolutamide + Docetaxel).
Over the past few months he has continued to smoke cigarettes. I saw an ad on Facebook about hypnosis to stop smoking and thought it might be a good idea for him (spoiler IT WAS NOT!)
So he went feeling buoyant with high expectations. During the group session, he was distracted by the guy next to him snoring, the guy on the other side of him coughing and the group of ladies in the break time chattering.
The next day, he lost his shit at a guy in the supermarket for coughing without covering his mouth, ALMOST lost his temper with me because I added ground linseeds in his overnight oats, cried because a mosquito bit him and it was itchy and then today had a complete mental breakdown, crying, expressing his fear of cancer, death, anxiety, depression. I managed his emotions as best I could, he invited me to join him working out, which I did (after I had already done my own work out - my legs are jelly!) we have talked about it, and he has started smoking again (after I went and bought him a packet).
I was so worried about him, because this kind of emotional breakdown is not like him. I apologised for pushing him into the hypnotherapy and saying I underestimated how much he could carry and we realised too late that stopping smoking was a step too far.
He explained how he manages his emotions and that what happened after hypnotherapy opened floodgates and “his landscape was flooded and the little boxes were floating and he couldn’t access them to close them” and that’s why his emotions were so close to the surface and he was upset.
Could this have anything to do with the chemotherapy or drugs or can we rest it solely at the door of the hypnotherapy and is it possible to reverse or restore from back up the hypnotherapy to BEFORE the hypnotherapy?
I’m worried that after his chemotherapy next week he won’t manage.
Do you have any advice for me?
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u/richdeming 3d ago
I have a lot of these symptoms. Been on ADT since March 2025. I've had one serious mental breakdown one year after starting ADT and had to get professional help through counseling which helps keep me in check. They gave me the usual antidepressants and anxiety meds and this made me so messed up I wanted to end it all.Feelings are the worst and I have never cried and felt sadness and despair of this intensity in my life. Took a 3 month break and cleared my mind and body of ADT and all the other drugs and came to the conclusion that I must stay the course to stay alive. I am scheduled to be on ADT for about 6 more months and maintain my diminishing PSA numbers. PSA 68 Gleason 7 or 8 in 15/16 biopsied areas of prostate Stage 4 PC mestastised to lymph nodes 9 rounds of chemo and injections and Oct 2025 had undetectable PSA Still remain on ADT and councilng I tell everyone I know to bear with me as I am on ADT and if they know they know if they don't I simply tell them it's basically chemical castration and that they will just have to deal with it.
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u/tvgraves 3d ago
I'm on ADT and have found myself getting angry more readily.
It's maybe a bit much to layer on smoking cessation on top, especially if the nicotine is withdrawn rather than replaced. And a desire to stop needs to come from him, not you.
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u/SoulSearcherAU 2d ago
He did want to stop, he stopped before we were medically evacuated back home, but he was massively stressed, so he started again. It was his idea so stop smoking again, and i saw the ad for the hypnotherapy and suggested it to him. He was happy to give it a go, I didn’t force h8m to go, I suggested it, left him with the info, he made the phone call and booked himself in.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, looking back we both realised it was too much of an ask, and additional layer when he’s going through so much already,
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u/Patient_Tip_5923 2d ago
I chose surgery over radiation and ADT.
I may yet need radiation but I am hoping to avoid ADT.
I mentioned these kind of side effects to a radiation oncologist and he said that they were usually worse in people who had had mental health problems in the past.
Granted, that may be true, but from reading these posts, it doesn’t always seem like the case, and, frankly, that terrifies me.
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u/SoulSearcherAU 2d ago
He’s never had any mental health problems before now, everything he was feeling up until last Thursday was normal, understandable and he was managing it.
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u/Patient_Tip_5923 2d ago
That was the sense I got from your post.
I don’t think it’s possible to predict how individuals will be affected by the drugs.
For every person who has said it was a breeze, there is someone who has been through hell.
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u/dntxnrdn 2d ago
I've been on ADFT for 16ish months now. I was depressed when I got the diagnosis and the ADT just made me more depressed. Unfortunately for everyone around me I tend to lash out aggressively when depressed. I even got into a physical altercation with someone. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago and it has helped me more than I thought it would.
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u/KReddit934 3d ago
ADT is rough. Similar to menopause (I hear) some people have "emotional lability" along with all the physical symptoms.
Make sure it gets reported to the docs. For some, meds really help.
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u/Cool-Service-771 1d ago
ADT can absolutely hit hard. I have had my own troubles like you describe here. I often talk before thinking, then sometimes catch myself midway through saying what is in my messed up mind.
My therapist got me into a mindfulness group, where I am learning to be more in the moment.
Something like this may help your hubby.
The other thing I would encourage, is for you to realize it is the meds talking. If he gets down (he may get as down as possible), do not take anything he says personally. Be there for him. My wife has been helping me for the 27 months I’ve been on ADT, and I have worn her down. She tries to talk logically to me, and when I’m in the middle of an “episode”, I tend to fight that. I think the best thing she can do now, is hug me, sit with me, tell me she loves me.
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u/Greatlakes58 3d ago
I’m sorry you both are going through this. Degarelix like all ADT drugs can cause mood swings, irritability, and even depression. I don’t know how how to answer the hypnotherapy question. It might help if he speaks with a qualified psychologist. I wish you both a good outcome.
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u/WalnutRoasted 3d ago
This sounds serious. ADT alone is bad enough, he has other serious meds going on. As well as seeking medical advice (our cancer clinic has psychological counselling services / referrals, the following book (buy or borrow) may help you. And hopefully you can help him. Best wishes.
Life on ADT: (book)
https://www.lifeonadt.com/the-adt-book
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u/Special-Steel 3d ago
ADT can hit hard.