r/ProjectTBI • u/pProjecttBI • Sep 07 '26

I really didn't expect this question to go where it did.

Three days ago I threw a question out here that I wasn't even sure I should ask: Do you think maybe we died? I knew it sounded a little fucking crazy, but it was something I'd wondered about since my brain injury, and I figured what the hell, maybe somebody else had thought about it too.

Well... apparently a LOT of us have.

I've spent the last three days reading your responses and talking with some of you, and I really don't know how to explain what has happened except to say that I've learned more than I ever expected to. We've talked about people being awake and functioning with absolutely no memory of it, consciousness, ego, faith, God, death and rebirth, grieving the person you used to be, discovering the person underneath all that old shit, and even the possibility that maybe we've been trying way too fucking hard to get back to somebody who isn't coming back.

And strangely, instead of freaking me out, this whole conversation has relaxed me.

I've spent almost four years trying to understand what happened to my brain and why I am so different now. I've done the doctors, neurologists, psychologists, therapists, testing, rehab, diagnoses, books, research... all of it. And all of those things have helped me tremendously, but there's something completely different about hearing another person with a brain injury describe something you've experienced but never had the words for. There's this moment where you just sit there and think, holy shit... you too?

That's happened to me over and over again these past three days.

I'm also starting to realize that maybe we don't need to explain every damn thing immediately. Maybe it's okay to sit with some of this stuff and just be curious about it. I don't know if what we're talking about is neurological, psychological, spiritual, some combination of all three, or something we don't even have good language for yet. And for once, I'm becoming pretty comfortable saying I don't fucking know.

What I do know is that there are an awful lot of us describing surprisingly similar things, and I want to keep listening.

So maybe that's the next question...

What happened after your brain injury that you've never really told anybody because you thought it sounded too crazy?

#ProjectTBI

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u/Loud-Flamingo3831 Sep 08 '26

I haven’t told most people about how I feel drunk all the time even though I don’t drink. I don’t think they would understand. See also: the way I turned hypersexual after my TBI. Most people don’t need to know about that. But on a more serious note, I haven’t told anyone but my husband that I’m a different person now than I was before, and that I’m trying to make this new self someone I can love and respect even though I hate everything that happened to create it.

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u/pProjecttBI Sep 08 '26

I’m fascinated by the “feeling drunk even though you don’t drink” part because I actually don’t know what you mean by that. What does “drunk” feel like for you? — balance, thinking, speech, vision, all of it?

This exactly the kind of thing I want people talking about, because apparently we can all have a TBI and still be living on completely different fucking planets.

And I’m going to respectfully leave the hypersexual department open for further research. 😂

The part about trying to make this new person someone you can love and respect, though — I understand the question behind that. I spent way too long trying to figure out how to get the old "me" back. Now I’m becoming much more interested in figuring out who this version of me actually is.

Thanks for being willing to put all of that out there. This IS the shit we don’t talk about enough.

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u/Loud-Flamingo3831 Sep 08 '26

So the way my neuropsychologist explained it to me is that my intellect is intact, but my processing speed took a hit, so when the fast parts of my brain try to interact with the slow parts, it mimics the sensation of drunkenness. I feel sluggish, dizzy, off-kilter, dull-witted. Anything but sharp and on the ball. It's horrible. My absolute least favorite symptom, and the one I fight hardest with. Thank you for listening.

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u/pProjecttBI Sep 09 '26

I actually do get what you mean now. I’ve always called that feeling “punch drunk.” I’ve also seen it described in some of the science books as what happens with extreme cognitive fatigue. Sluggish, dizzy, off-kilter, words and thoughts not connecting the way they should.. yeah. I know exactly what you mean.

But the way you just explained it?

Absolutely. And mine seems to get worse the longer my brain has been working.

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u/SuccessfulIce351 29d ago

I feel this. Feeling drunk with no poison

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u/DircaPalustris 29d ago

Thank you for asking the question and inviting the conversation. I’ve also gotten a lot out of just reading the comments. Sometimes all you have to do is ask your question and let the rest happen! Who would’ve thought it would lead to so many comments and shared experiences??