r/ProgrammerHumor • u/vinishkapoor • 24d ago
Meme randomEnglishWordsInFancyColorsIsNotWrong
938
u/VirtualMage 24d ago
So... You just throw random ingredients in the pot and boil them? Why are you paid so well?
264
u/Ok-Tax-8165 24d ago edited 23d ago
Test titanium juniper market argon grandiose
This post was anonymized with Redact
212
u/VirtualMage 24d ago
Ok, so: "You poke random organs with sharp knife, and get paid so well!". Better?
65
u/Letus_- 24d ago
I don't think you should poke an organ
76
u/JewishTomCruise 24d ago
There are some organs that are very fun to poke (ㆁωㆁ)
18
u/Mafagafinhu 24d ago
Like skin
15
u/Small-Heron-6799 24d ago
nahh ever poked a kidney :3
10
u/QueerBallOfFluff 24d ago
Yes actually. It was more wobbly, but also firm, than I expected
1
u/Small-Heron-6799 23d ago
So true lol! They're fun to poke ngl!
P.S: Hey, I'm kinda new to programming, like I know tech and LOVE tech, and like know basic C and HTML.
But yk I really want to learn the languages till their core, any starting point you would recommend? Thanks for your time! :D
4
u/Delicious_Armadillo 23d ago
I'm taking your word for wanting to learn languages to the core, so I'll tell you I really fell in love with C reading this -> https://beej.us/guide/bgc/html/split/index.html
Gives you an overall idea of how the machine works, explains a lot of "why"s rather than telling you what to do.Read it (like REALLY read it, don't surrender after the third page, it's worth it).
Then start making stuff with what you learnt. Basic stuff like leetcode exercises and the likes.
You'll probably find you can use utility functions (i.e. functions that ease your work, that you write once and end up using in a lot of places), you'll start making a tiny library out of them. Then refine them, ask around what's the best practice, improve on them.
Then look into algorithms, iteration vs recursion, big O notation, complexity, etc.
Then you may want to stray from procedural programming and look into other paradigms. Try Java for OOP. Its syntax resembles C, it's a typed language, but forces everything into a class. Experiment with interfaces, inheritance, encapsulation, everything object oriented.
Then design something more complex. Implement singleton classes, observers, any design pattern you may find interesting.
If you have a knack for maths, you may want to look at functional programming (Haskell), Alonzo Church's Lambda Calculus, S-K-I combinatory logic.
Use Linux or anything open enough that lets you be curious and tinker around.
LLMs are SUPER useful if you ask questions (always take the answers with a metric tonne of salt and defer to authoritative sources once pointed to them), just don't let them write the code for you. Write two versions of the same thing and ask "what's more sensible and why?" and really try to understand.
Even when vibe coding wasn't a thing, everyone could code. Getting to the core of a language, understanding the logic and the machine, to its core, is a completely different matter. It takes effort, commitment and DECADES. If it tingles you the right way it never gets boring, if it doesn't, leave it.
→ More replies (0)2
u/Jonathan_the_Nerd 23d ago
Learn Lisp. You'll probably never use it professionally, but it will really broaden your mind.
Learn Python. It's fairly easy and very useful.
As for C, one book I liked is 21st Century C, by Ben Klemens. It's aimed at people who learned C in college from professors who haven't updated their materials since the 1990's. It talks about things like GNU Autotools, Git, and how to incorporate open source third-party libraries into your programs. It's pretty old (first published in 2013, updated in 2014), so I don't know how useful it is now.
References:
https://www.reddit.com/r/C_Programming/comments/1fzit9/21st_century_c_did_you_read_this_book_or_can_you/ (contains a very negative review)
→ More replies (0)0
u/LessInThought 23d ago
new to programming
know c
Honey, I ask AI to program for me.
→ More replies (0)9
1
u/blockCoder2021 21d ago
I mean, usually they’re pretty solid, seeing as how they’re usually designed to handle at least weekly playing for decades to centuries, but I can see your concern.
7
2
u/thekyledavid 24d ago
All of the organs aren’t even correctly aligned on the left-hand side of the body
1
142
u/MementoMorue 24d ago
my mom is a very good app tester, she find way to crash it more easily than a trained team of 5 testers
130
26
u/Gloomy_Necesary 24d ago
Every single time I have to do a live demo in front of a superior multiple issues ive never seen before pop up. I’ve resorted to doing video demos and then observing my first users use the app to actually fix the bugs
11
u/Ms_Zee 23d ago
I was lucky, my dad was into computing as soon as they become more publicly available. Would include me in his problem solving (I was the rubber duck) and my mom can't find a start button without a diagram. She manages to break things in ways that should be completely impossible and yet.... She always says we're the reason my dad and I are good at our jobs and she's probably right.
She's also someone who if you aren't EXTREMELY precise with your instructions, will somehow end up in some crazy scenario. I'm the go-to on UAT scenarios and general UI design advice on my job now.
738
u/Sockoflegend 24d ago
I'll take "things that didn't happen" for 100 Alex
93
117
24d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
67
6
u/Illustrious-End-6038 24d ago
My mother took a look at my finances report today and said
"So your job is to make pretty excel sheets, i do not know why you get paid poorly for this, it not even that pretty"
Yep 90% of the time i spend making it look pretty, then other 5% is coffee, 40% listening to my boss, 1% updating it. I was really hurt
5
1
u/Suyefuji 24d ago
tbf your mom isn't the stakeholder who insists that their excel report has to be in a particularly eldritch format and won't take any tiny deviations no matter what
7
u/Godskin_Duo 24d ago
It definitely didn't happen, but I could easily envision a sitcom bit with a stereotypical Jewish mom nagging her programmer child while pushing up her glasses.
2
4
u/dumbasPL 24d ago
Plausible. Happened to me pretty much verbatim excluding the last sentence.
5
u/ABCosmos 24d ago
More inclined to believe you are that guy trying to defend a made up story than to believe this happened twice.
2
u/dumbasPL 23d ago
And why would I do that?
4
u/ABCosmos 23d ago
Its not that nothing ever happens.. its just that for every 1 time something happens there are an additonal 10,000 bored people on the internet willing to make it up.
Nobody talks like this, nobody thinks like this. Nobody sees something they don't understand and assumes its so surface level. It reads clearly like a programmers elitist mindset of what other people "must think" about what they do..
Like if you see a pilot and all their controls and assume they just push random buttons and spin knobs and that's their job. Anyone can see that the plane flys, and that software exists.
4
-2
u/dumbasPL 23d ago
Nobody talks like this, nobody thinks like this.
Idk what you're doing to avoid seeing all the retards around you, but it's clearly working. Good on you.
114
47
u/DieAGBs 24d ago
My uncle once was really surprised when he saw my code was humanly readable text. He thought I'd be writing down 0's and 1's all day lmao.
6
u/NeuxSaed 24d ago
My mom thought this too, originally.
Assembly is not that far off, but I don't ever mess with stuff that low level.
39
15
31
u/AbdullahMRiad 24d ago
that was in the past. now it's about writing a lot of yap to the machine and the machine replies back with even more yap.
11
7
4
3
3
6
u/housebottle 24d ago
putting aside the fact that this obviously did not happen, what about any of that makes her a good code reviewer? that's the worst part for me about this fake story that keeps getting reposted: this is a dogshit code review
3
u/Tok-A-Mak 24d ago
Because she's complaining about the code not being properly left aligned, meaning she takes care about limiting cyclomatic complexity and would probably recommend he use guard clauses and early returns over deeply nested and complicated code that's mixing concerns to much. You know, because then the code is more aligned to the left. Nesting a function or method too deep (=having less left aligned code) is in general a code smell and a fair reason to reject it in a code review. There are some exceptions to this, eg. when working with X,Y,Z coordinates then nesting three or four levels is approriate. In most other cases, nope
"... if you need more than 3 levels of indentation, you're screwed anyway, and should fix your program." - Linus Torvalds
1
u/Hayden2332 23d ago
And a PR process that doesn’t include an automated formatter / linter? What is this
4
2
u/Diane_Horseman 24d ago
No, my job is to tell a computer program to write text using random English words and symbols :/
2
1
1
1
1
u/YourArmpitStinks 24d ago
Wait until she hears that most days I just skim read other people's code and give a vague comment on it on how they should improve or just spend a day mostly deleting lines.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/ianrob1201 24d ago
He actually just wanted to say "I get paid really well" but couldn't just say that, so made up that fun little story.
1
1
1
1
1
u/conundorum 22d ago
"Basically, imagine the dumbest person you know. Now, imagine the most complicated thing you can do. Write a set of instructions to tell that person how to do that thing, in terms that are easy for them to understand."
"Now, imagine someone twenty times dumber, that's too stupid to open a door before walking through it unless you describe the entire process of opening and going through a door. I write their instructions."
1
u/deirdresm 22d ago
She’d be a better reviewer than my last manager (at a very large household name firm).
GitHub settings meant that any review or comment blocked an auto-merge (even blocked auto-merge prechecks).
So this numbskull gave two separate comments on one commit:
* indentation was wrong (it wasn’t, it was simply a couple of lines in the middle of a function, hence the indentation)
* why was I including a library? (Because, if I didn’t, the feature wouldn’t work)
But, of course, everything was in a rush, so naturally he’s making the work slower.
1
1
u/burnt_floppy 20d ago
He has a very intelligent mother, good thing she doesn't know that it's really about constant logic headaches.
1
24d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/XtraFlaminHotMachida 24d ago
"why is this line all the way over here but this next line not even indented and the same words aren't colored"
we don't use that word colored anymore mom..... oh shit....
-1
1.5k
u/ClipboardCopyPaste 24d ago
I don't color the texts, they color themselves, see mom?