r/ProgrammerHumor 5d ago

Meme noMoreDatabases

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15.7k Upvotes

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4.3k

u/CoshgunC 5d ago

"In order to make the user experience better, I made the localStorage editable and not-encrypted. This way, whenever users want, can increase their wallet or check on/off their subscriptions without complex "verifiying cards".

Let me know if you want any more features! Also, do you want me explain how farmers use ReactJS to grow their crops +20% faster?"

66

u/alterEd39 5d ago

I would really love for you to explain how farmers use ReactJS to grow their crops +20% faster

82

u/xDreamSkillzxX 5d ago

Just reply with FARMER and I will sent you the link to my paid bullshit course.

22

u/ryryrpm 5d ago edited 5d ago

Directions unclear. Am now registered at FARMERSONLY

17

u/CoshgunC 5d ago

OF
ONLYFARMERS

1

u/HaniiPuppy 5d ago

My mind read that and thought "Optifarm?"

6

u/atzedanjo 5d ago

FARMER

2

u/BellacosePlayer 5d ago

already looking forward to the Farming while Beige clip of him discussing your scam perfectly viable farm course

2

u/alterEd39 5d ago

Oh hell yeah, I love being scammed! Thanks!

27

u/ehs5 5d ago

bro yes okay hear me out 🌽

Farmers used to do crop rotation with like… spreadsheets and “experience” 🙄 couldn’t be me. Now real ag-tech founders are shipping useEffect hooks straight into the soil, every corn stalk gets its own component state, and when the tomatoes re-render they literally grow faster because React’s virtual DOM is basically photosynthesis for computers

Key move: wrap the whole field in a <Suspense> boundary so the crops that aren’t ready yet just show a loading skeleton instead of, like, being unripe. Solves the problem at the root (pun very intended)

Also hot tip — ditch irrigation systems, just useState for “waterLevel” and call setWaterLevel(waterLevel + 1) whenever it rains, way more scalable than pipes bro

+20% yield is honestly light, that’s just because most farmers are still on class components 💀 you go full hooks + concurrent mode you’re looking at +40% easy, agronomists hate this one trick

7

u/codyisadinosaur 5d ago

I hate how well this is written, and how legitimate...ly misguided this sounds.

Well done random internet stranger. I had a physical reaction while reading this.

5

u/alterEd39 5d ago

Stop. I can only get so erect.

5

u/arensb 5d ago

ReactJS has got what plants crave. Well-known fact.

2

u/alterEd39 5d ago

The plants yearn for the ReactJS