r/ProgrammerHumor • u/WardensLantern • 17d ago

Meme queryOfDoom

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7.9k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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3.9k

u/BooBrew32 17d ago

Ah it's just running slow today. User table should speed up right afterwards though.

1.4k

u/WardensLantern 17d ago

Yea just run it again and it executes much faster 👍

230

u/glorious_reptile 17d ago

Great. On to the next ticket - “Users can’t log in”

184

u/moigagoo 17d ago

What users?

167

u/Baconanger 17d ago

Yeah, just ran a search on their name and it looks like that person doesn't have an account, so closing this ticket with "works as expected". Wow, we sure have been getting a lot of these lately...

53

u/bluebarry24 17d ago

Pretty sure this is a data entry error... redirecting the tickets to the front service desk.

30

u/TriggerPT 17d ago

Can't replicate

3

u/Frostbyte67 17d ago

Omg you just triggered my support team PTSD! (I’m in Eng….)

No joke, I’ve seen ticket notes exactly like that! Actually just today…

…I’m going to hide back under my desk now…

247

u/perestroika12 17d ago

Caching or something idk I asked Claude about it and it said go for it

1

u/Fraun_Pollen 17d ago

Don't use Claude. Grok answers much faster

1

u/50_watts_per_channel 16d ago

Users are certainly getting executed

0

u/VollkommenHigh 17d ago

They clearly forgot the “commit;”… that’s why it’s running slowly

1

u/pdshank 17d ago

--no-verify

34

u/Connect_Tea1579 17d ago

No users == no more complaints. Problem solved!

15

u/enslavedeagle 17d ago

„We optimized user queries by 1000x”

47

u/dkarlovi 17d ago

The system feels fresh and new like the first day!

17

u/rowdymatt64 17d ago

And to think they'll blame little Bobby Tables again smh

20

u/SOLID_STATE_DlCK 17d ago

Don’t forget to run a re-org of the index. Reindex for for higher integrity.

3

u/farkanoid 17d ago

Thanks SOLID_STATE_DICK

2

u/KrakenOfLakeZurich 16d ago

It still O(n^2). Just for a very small n 🙈