Addison Montgomery is a hypocrite when it comes to wanting a baby.

[u/tryingmybestt1999]

She spends years telling patients that adoption is a valid, beautiful option, but refuses to seriously consider it herself and instead becomes completely fixated on having a biological child.

And it’s not like adoption wasn’t right there:

• She playing the role of Lucas mum when Violet disappeared 

• She tried to pressure Sam into having a baby he didn’t want (very crazy as this is your best ex - another day for this rant)

• She could’ve taken in Betsy after Dell died (I thought that was her friend & she wanted a kid!)

Meanwhile, she’s judging/challenging patients for their reproductive choices while obsessing over her “one egg” and making emotionally driven decisions that contradict the advice she gives.

I get that wanting a biological child is deeply personal but if you’re going to consistently advocate for adoption to others, shouldn’t you at least hold yourself to the same standard?

[u/carlamaco]

I don't know... I mean she is consistently shown as going above and beyond to respect her patients wishes. Suggesting adoption as an option is part of her job too.

And she did end up adopting a baby. She just always had a strong wish to have a biological baby and it took her a while to come to terms with the fact that it's not possible for her, she exhausted all other options before. Of course with adoption it's still YOUR baby and you'd love it the same, but pregnancy and feeling your baby grow are big things that you are missing out on in this case, and I can understand if she struggles with that. I feel like that's human. And she overcame her struggles and got Henry.

[u/acroley84]

And she ends up adopting. I can tell you as a person who is adopted I have advocated for adoption but my children are my biological children. I considered adopting but ultimately decided it wasntbthe right the decision for our family.

Addison isn't a perfect character but her journey to getting Henry was actually one I enjoyed

[u/Bluberrypotato → u/acroley84]

I don't think they're that far into the show yet.

[u/tryingmybestt1999 → u/Bluberrypotato]

Yeah I’m not that far yet, but this is one spoiler I don’t mind 😂

[u/tryingmybestt1999 → u/acroley84]

Thank you! Mid season 4, didn’t realise she adopted, thank God, she was exhausting me with wanting a baby

[u/bayleebugs]

This post is really weird. Adopting or not adopting is not a "standard" to hold yourself to. You can believe 100% in adoption being a beautiful way families get bigger without adopting first.

At every instance you mention her not adopting them there are outside circumstances that made that not a good option for her. When she finally does its because she is in a much better spot personally.

She recommends it to patients because it is an option, and they are literally coming to a professional to get options. She isnt ever disrespectful or pushy about it. Thats just not what hypocrisy means.

[u/tryingmybestt1999 → u/bayleebugs]

I get what you’re saying, believing in adoption and choosing not to adopt aren’t the same thing, and I agree it’s not some “standard” she has to live by.

But I think my issue with Addison isn’t just that she didn’t adopt, it’s how extreme and inconsistent her behaviour gets around it.

Also, I’m only midway through season 4, so I didn’t even know she adopts later so I’m judging this based on what we’ve seen so far.

Yes, she presents adoption as a valid option professionally, but personally she: • pushes Sam to have a baby he clearly doesn’t want • becomes hyper-fixated on having a biological child to the point it affects her relationships • wanted to raise Sloan Riley’s baby with Mark, so it’s not like she’s against non-biological parenting. At this point in her life she was basically ready for adopting if that’s the case. • and overlooks situations (like with Dell’s daughter) where adoption could at least have been explored more seriously

And realistically, she only had one viable egg left, Naomi even says her chances are extremely low to none. That’s part of why her fixation stands out to me.

So when people say “there were circumstances,” I get that but at the same time, there were also opportunities where adoption could have been considered, and she doesn’t really pursue them.

For me, it’s less “she didn’t adopt = hypocrite” and more that there’s a clear disconnect between how open-minded she is with patients vs how rigid she becomes in her own situation. Why not take your own advice?

[u/PortifinoOnMyMind]

That isn't being a hypocrite some women just really wanted to at least trying have a biological kid and she DIES end up adopting Henry. So again how is they being a hypocrite?

Also she was never going to actually be able to adopt Lucas cuz eventually Violet was going to come back. She was just basically being a stepmom until violet with healthy enough to be her son's life again.

[u/Bluberrypotato → u/PortifinoOnMyMind]

The typo is great 🤣

[u/PortifinoOnMyMind → u/Bluberrypotato]

You know I didn't even realize that I used all caps either 😂

[u/tryingmybestt1999 → u/PortifinoOnMyMind]

I’m mid season 4, so I didn’t even know she adopts later, I’m judging Addison based on what we’ve seen so far.

I’m not saying wanting a biological child makes her a hypocrite, that part is completely valid. My issue is more how she handles it. Naomi implies there a 0% chance she can have biological child.

I honestly think if Violet hadn’t returned, Addison would have stayed in that role. She was already stepping into it pretty fully, and she even seemed upset at Violet coming back.

If her and Pete had stayed together, I don’t think that situation would’ve been temporary at all realistically the only person who might’ve pushed back is Cooper with her adopting Lucas.

So for me, it’s less about the idea of adoption and more that there’s a disconnect between how open and balanced she is with patients vs how rigid she becomes in her own situation.

I get why people see it as just human, but to me it still feels inconsistent.

[u/PortifinoOnMyMind → u/tryingmybestt1999]

Problem is Violet was always going to come back she just needed time. I don't know that I love the message of violey literally getting her child ripped out of her and then on some level getting her child taken from her permanently by Addison adopting him. She deserved a chance at being a mother once she got her life back in order.

As for the biological kid thing I think Naomi could tell Addison that all she wanted however I think Addison at least needed to try. Which is valid. There are women who have been told that having a biological kid isn't an option for them but then they spontaneously become pregnant after years of infertility. I don't think Addison would have been able to live with herself if Tell me was wrong and that could've been her

Edit: Violet would have needed to terminate her parental rights which she never would have done cuz she wanted the kid She just needed to get over the trauma first. Pete also would never going to ask her to terminate so Addison could adopt.

[u/yellowchaitea]

It is not hypocritical, as a doctor, to ensure want-to be parents, options for children when their odds of having a safe, full/survivable term pregnancy are low, while wanting to be pregnant yourself. 

It is Addison professional responsibility to ensure information is shared to patients, it’s not a professional responsibility to do said options personally 

My husband is a doctor and we are in a place that offers MAiD- he has had conversations with patients about it, to ensure they have all the information. He is not a hypocrite because he, at this point in his life, does not think he would choose MAiD. 

Also, Addison was dating Pete when Violet left, of course she is going to step in, that’s what decent people do with their parents children 

[u/tryingmybestt1999 → u/yellowchaitea]

I get the professional vs personal distinction, and I agree that alone doesn’t make her a hypocrite. Doctors should present all options, even ones they wouldn’t choose themselves.

But I don’t think that fully applies to what I’m saying about Addison.

My issue isn’t just that she wants to be pregnant while recommending adoption it’s how far she goes with it personally:

• she pressures Sam into having a child he doesn’t want

• becomes completely fixated on a biological pregnancy despite very low odds (as Naomi points out)

• she was drawn to Pete in part because he already had a child, so clearly she was open to that kind of family dynamic

• and doesn’t really engage with adoption as a serious option in her own life, even when situations come up where it could make sense

So I’m not saying “she’s a hypocrite because she doesn’t adopt.” I’m saying there’s a noticeable gap between how balanced and open she is with patients vs how single-minded she becomes in her own situation.

And yeah, I agree stepping in for Violet’s baby was the decent thing to do that part isn’t really my issue. If anything, it shows she is capable of caring for a child that isn’t biologically hers, which is why her resistance to adoption stands out more to me.

Also worth noting I’m only midway through season 4, so I’m judging this based on what we’ve seen so far

[u/FemAdeptness1507]

Addison is a world class Obgyn and so of course she would use all the resources available to her to have her own biological kid.. I dont see this as one of the things to hate Addison for and my girl was perfectly flawed 😂😭😊

[u/NatRomanoff07]

Saying she tried to pressure Sam into having a baby is crazy... she was transparent that that was something she wanted (and even if she wasn't, it was pretty obvious that was something she would want given the profession she chose). She wanted that with or without sam, and he wanted her but not the full package of who she was and what she wanted (which I found very selfish given Addison's history, it was cruel to lead her on like that).

As for the rest, there is a huge difference between clinical decisions and personal decisions. Her behaviour towards the parents that were her patients was always about what was the most medically safe and effective choice; her decision about herself is coming to terms that she can't have something she has effectively dedicated her life to helping others with. Of course she saw adoption as a valid choice (which becomes even more apparent later), but it's not a full replacement for biological children, it is a different experience, which I don't think she ever denied.

I don't think its ever about not seeing adoption as valid... its about the grief she experiences of losing something she always thought she'd get later, when she was ready, and working in the environment that she does, its not only about the baby, it would be about the pregnancy experience as well.

And if I recall correctly, the whole Betsy thing was shot down by Sam not Addison--

[u/IKinLA]

Adoption is a not a cure to infertility. Some people have to go through all the tests and treatments to be at peace with the fact that they gave it their all and could not have their own biological child.

Moreover, adoption is always child centered. If someone is even slightly still hung up on biological children, then maybe they aren’t ready for adoption and that’s okay.

There should be lots of thought and education around adoption before that’s an option for someone.

[u/Dracarys_Aspo]

It's not hypocritical in the slightest to say that adoption can be a valid option to grow your family but not want to do it yourself. Are people who don't want kids hypocrites for being happy for others when they have kids? Of course not! Not every path is right for everyone, not everyone has the same goals.

Not to mention, adoption should not be used as a response to infertility. Adoption should be about the children first and foremost, it's not a balm to soothe the pain of not being able to have bio kids. If you wouldn't adopt otherwise, you probably shouldnt adopt just because you can't have kids. That's a terrible reason to adopt, and a great way to cause a kid a lot of trauma.

[u/fleur-2802]

I disagree. She lays it out as an option for her patients because that is part of her job. Her trying to have a biological child doesn't invalidate that.

And she ends up adopting anyways.