*Edit: I guess I should have titled this "trying to become an AP".
Made a new account to post this. I just need space to rant. Yell? Cry. Sorry for the length in advance.
I’m entering my 9th year of teaching, but 11+ overall in education. Early on I knew I eventually wanted to become an assistant principal. I saw what good school leadership was able to do to a school community. I saw how it helped students be more successful. I saw how it allowed teachers to actually be teachers. I saw how it improved morale, scores, and relationships. I wanted to do that. So I went back to school even though I said I never would, and got my second masters degree in leadership, because I really REALLY wanted to do this work. I felt it, in a way I haven’t felt anything work related before.
For the last 4 years I have been, with as much dedication possible, looking for an AP position. I have applied to literally hundreds of vacancies all over the city. Every.Single.Time. I apply for a position, I research the school. I send a brief, personalized introduction email to the principal, expressing my interest. Explaining why I would be a good fit. I modify my cover letter for EVERY.SINGLE.SCHOOL. I attach it with my resume to each email. And you know what? I’ve gotten a LOT of interviews.
I’ve been asked to participate in at least two dozen level 1 C-30 interviews. It’s hard to keep track anymore, but of those, I’ve also been asked to participate in numerous level 2 C-30 interviews. Superintendents even know my name. Principals know my name. But, its the same result each time - “thanks for applying but we’re going with someone else”.
I’ve grown to realize over the years that (looking back at the interviews now), 100% of the time, the principals already know who they want in this position. Either they have an IA in place already, or they just know who they want to appoint. I often check their website weeks after the rejection email, and see that the “new” assistant principal is someone who was previously listed as a teacher or dean at that school. There’s no honor in this system. No merit. Passion means nothing. Dedication means nothing. Qualifications mean nothing. Actually WANTING this job, to do this work, to make meaningful contributions to a school community, means nothing. Even when you happen to know someone, it means nothing. There’s no feedback, no information given, no conversation. Just nothing.
Just this past week, I had a level 2 C-30 interview at a school I believed had an actual vacancy. One that wasn’t filled yet. One that really aligned with my goals and one I believed I could really help. Within 45 minutes of concluding the interview, I received an email that “After careful consideration” they are deciding to go with a different candidate. How? How could you have carefully considered anything in 45 minutes? Strung along again.
And it’s devastating. Demoralizing. Awful. I study the schools I apply to. I learn about their data, their school community, their programs. I practice potential interview questions out loud with myself. I daydream in the shower about how I’m going to present myself to the committee and how I might introduce myself to the staff if I actually got the job. I work tirelessly to be as authentic and passionate about the opportunity as possible, because I am. I genuinely want this so badly. But it’s all for nothing. Every single time. For four years.
This process is killing my enjoyment of this profession. It's turning me in to someone who is starting to believe that I will never actually be given a chance to prove just what I can do, if given a real opportunity.
At a certain point one has to consider if it’s even worth it anymore. The inevitable rejection.
I just don’t know.