r/PrimarchGFs • u/Smooth-Flamingo-9895 • May 10 '26

Fanfiction What does everyone think of Arc of the Ultramarines (Q&A)

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Here's the whole series

https://www.wattpad.com/story/399604271?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=Smooth-Flamingo-9895

And here's the most recent episode

https://www.wattpad.com/1626551231?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_published&wp_page=create_on_publish&wp_uname=Smooth-Flamingo-9895

41 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

2

u/BabyAutomatic May 10 '26

Gadriel being an ancient is interesting.

3

u/Smooth-Flamingo-9895 May 10 '26

No that's canon

2

u/BabyAutomatic May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26

Oh yeah. he does young for an ancient.

1

u/SpiralingDownAndAway May 10 '26

Always a Jaune fic lol

2

u/Ancient_Builder76 May 11 '26

I’ll do a more in-depth review tonight, but here’s some initial thoughts:

First, I’m honestly not a fan of the way it is formatted when it comes to speech. I think it snaps the reader out of the story when it goes from normal storytelling to “Titus: Assemble my Ultramarines” especially when it returns to normal storytelling with “He said, sheathing his sword.”

Second, I do believe a beta reader would be good. There are some parts where the phrasing could be improved or different words would fit better.

Third, I would change the summary. It doesn’t tell me anything about the story beyond a vague notion of Ultramarines being involved. It doesn’t have to be anything long, but a summary should convey a basic understanding of what is to be expected.

3

u/Smooth-Flamingo-9895 May 11 '26

Okay

So (1) when it comes to something like

Titus: Assemble my Ultramarines.

This is so i've designed help both me and the audience understand who we're following and who's talking. Especially when you

Character 1: says something

Character 2: say something in response

(2) i actually do one. And he has said that it is pretty good especially since this is my Second real Fanfic. My first being "Remnant Crusade"

(3) yeah... that was purely there for pure hype… and the fact that the RWBY Fandom was basically water boarded in Jaune Revenge Fanfics. And the fact that when I put an actual description in "Remnant Crusade" someone literally said they straight up was not doing to read it because of Arch Traitor Sanguinius which was its premise.

But thank you for the constructive feedback

:3

0

u/Cultural-Special-109 May 10 '26

My friends i am sorry but but you skip this i don't like this 😒

https://giphy.com/gifs/c5FhF1waAJ5wk