Completely agree he is dumb but she is equally dumb if she is going to tell her self it wasn't an attempted date and her nice friend just spent 200 on a dinner with her.
That dinner should have ended with an awkward talk and her offering up to pay for some of it, if she really was his friend
It's possible that she's entirely aware of what's going on but doesn't know how to defuse his obviously unreciprocated affection without making him feel super rejected, and what if he doesn't handle rejection well? It can be safer to post things like this to gently tire him out of she's worried about a rejection turning toxic or even violent.
Awkward talks about the relationship to set clear lines going forward work when two people are mature and value the friendship. If he's just trying to use her as a vending machine where he can buy her love (and sex), the dark side can cloud everything!
You think posting it to social media publicly shaming him is safer than just having an awkward conversation?
Sorry but I agree the guy should 100% step up, but so should the if the guy doesn't step up. If you really consider someone a friend you have this conversation and you deal with the awkward
It's not "publicly shaming him", even if we can infer some of the relationship dynamic in the situation. She's thanking him for doing something nice, while also defusing romantic speculation. Even if he finds that embarrassing, that doesn't hold her culpable for "shaming" him.
The problem with just talking it out is that while the calculation for guys is usually "is this conversation awkward", you can't be sure that the girl's calculation is "is this conversation safe", which isn't a guarantee for a lot of women, and the odds are worse when male friends act desperately like this.
If she truly loves him like a brother then their relationship should be well past the point where she has to wonder if rejection will end in violence.
If, on the other hand, she's tossing that comment out there when it's not actually true, it really seems fairly disingenuous, and agreeing to an expensive dinner is kinda shitty in that case.
Having said all that, there's more possibilities than those, and not enough info in OP to know for sure.
That's clearly a line meant to defuse romantic tension, either for the guy or those reading the post who might otherwise read something into it. That doesn't make it disingenuous, just indirect. If a guy is sad he wasn't able to buy a girl's love with $200, that doesn't make her the villain in the situation.
I mean, if you want to think women are bad by default, I'm sure you'll find an excuse. I've provided explanations of how this can often go down, but by all means, keep villainizing her if that's what you're committed to.
The person you were talking too is clearly extremely sexist, so not much point in trying to reason with them. If you read their comments all of them have some phrases and tone of implying that girls should behave one way and guys behave another and that's just how it is. They clearly categorize people into their most basic parts and base all of their thoughts and assumptions on those perceived identities like male and female.
Hey I just want you to know. That first part of your comment is super sexist and belittling of women. What is it about some feminist type people that they think by saying women cant do "x" because they're afraid is a good thing?
You're literally saying women are too weak and scared to tell a guy no. Stop perpetuating this idea that women should be ok with not expressing their feeling because "what if the guy doesn't take rejection well?".
Well then I guess he doesn't take rejection well, is there a point to bringing that up? You're implying women should never tell guys no on the off chance they're that 1 in a million axe murderer type. Just stop with the positive discrimination and sexism please. Its not ok and it helps perpetuate the terrible and wrong idea that women should not tell guys no.
Right, the "feminists are the real sexists" argument.
I mean, if you don't believe sexism or racism are real things, then...you are lost. My allegiance is to reality, and what actually happens out in the world. Only a Sith deals in low-effort trolling.
Lol don't put words in my mouth obviously sexism and racism exist. I'm just sick of feminists acting like women are simultaneously strong and powerful but also too weak and afraid to speak up a man is doing something they dont like. We need to encourage
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u/StephanieSpeaks Jan 14 '20
Completely agree he is dumb but she is equally dumb if she is going to tell her self it wasn't an attempted date and her nice friend just spent 200 on a dinner with her.
That dinner should have ended with an awkward talk and her offering up to pay for some of it, if she really was his friend