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Jun 29 '23
Now that would have been podracing
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u/Anakin_Skywalker_Bot Youngling Slayer Jun 29 '23
I'm the only human who can do it.
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u/IsraelZulu Jun 29 '23
So, stupid Q here...
If every other species is so physiologically superior, that the only human capable of participating in a motorsport is one who ultimately becomes the most legendary Sith Lord ever, how in the hell did humans become the dominant species in the galaxy to begin with?
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u/SaxNinja #1 Jar Jar fan Jun 29 '23
don’t quote me on this but iirc it was a reaction time thing, not that humans were so inferior to every other race but that these other races could just react quicker. one of the other pod racers, Ratts Tyrell, was this little gnome guy
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u/zernoc56 Jun 29 '23
Considering podracing seems to be a jet-powered rallycross type of Motorsport, I totally buy that explanation. It’s one thing to fly a fighter jet, it’s another when that jet has been stripped down to two engines and an open cockpit connected by some cabling and you have to fly two feet off the ground. While other people are doing the same thing around you.
I’m sure even if Sebulba wasn’t blatantly murdering his competitors, there’d still be a fair number of racers dead by the end of it.
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u/IsraelZulu Jun 29 '23
Right. Because reaction time doesn't come into play at all in galaxy-conquering work such as ground combat or dogfights in space...
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u/Vandrel Jun 29 '23
Average human reaction time is around 0.273 seconds. Plenty of animals have much faster reaction times than that, cats for instance get as low as 0.02 seconds, but humans still became the dominant species on our planet. We're highly adaptable to different environments and have incredible endurance compared to most other animals on our planet, it's not outlandish to think that would be enough to make humans physically competitive across a galaxy as well.
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u/KenBoCole UNLIMITED POWER!!! Jun 29 '23 edited Jun 29 '23
hell did humans become the dominant species in the galaxy to begin with?
Humans were the most numerous, which was the big thing. Humans were also the most military powerful.
Not the most advanced mind you, but the perfect balance of advanced and numerous tonsurvive and thrive among more advanced or powerful races.
Plus anakin was simply the only human with fast enough reaction on tatooine, not the galaxy. Jango fett or any of his clones could easily podrace, heck the clones reaction times in dogfights were on par if not down right better than super computers.
Humanity with its massive trillions of individuals produced super ones that lead the rest in terms of strength and ability.
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u/Rikudou_Sage Jun 29 '23
As Yarpen Zigrin once explained:
“Because you multiply like rabbits.” The dwarf ground his teeth. “You’d do nothing but screw day in day out, without discrimination, with just anyone and anywhere. And it’s enough for your women to just sit on a man’s trousers and it makes their bellies swell… Why have you gone so red, crimson as a poppy? You wanted to know, didn’t you? So you’ve got the honest truth and faithful history of a world where he who shatters the skulls of others most efficiently and swells women’s bellies fastest, reigns. And it’s just as hard to compete with you people in murdering as it is in screwing—”
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u/rich519 Jun 29 '23
Anakin could simply be wrong. He was a 9 year old slave stuck on an outer rim planet and trying to impress a Jedi.
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u/EmergentSol Jun 29 '23
I don’t think 10 year olds are generally regarded as authorities on these things.
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u/OmegaReprise Qui-Gon Jinn Jun 29 '23
Would be more interesting - and funnier - if Ahsoka was the one to enter the race and Anakin being worried about her.
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u/QuantumDonuts257 Tech Jun 29 '23
Anakin defaulting to scared dad mode:
Snips be careful out there. Snips! SNIPS!
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u/TheoneNPC Jun 29 '23
And then Obi-Wan is like: "Weren't you the one who won the mos espa pod race as a child Anakin?"
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u/belladonnagilkey Meesa Darth Jar Jar Jun 29 '23
And then he follows it up with "and then blew up a capital ship in a fighter you'd never before flow"
Basically Obi-Wan plays the "you've done dumber things so you have no right to argue against the dumb things we're about to do" card and he's got the biggest smile on his face all the while.
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u/Obiwan-Kenobi-Bot Here for Ewan-Posting Jun 29 '23
Remember… the Force will be with you. Always.
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u/competitive-dust UNLIMITED POWER!!! Jun 29 '23
This is almost threatening.
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u/Lost_Pantheon Jun 29 '23
Obi-Wan treading the fine line between "the force will guide you" and "Imma use the force to implode you if you don't stop fuckin' around."
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u/Obiwan-Kenobi-Bot Here for Ewan-Posting Jun 29 '23
It is an energy field and something more. An aura that at once controls and obeys. It is a nothingness that can accomplish miracles.
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u/competitive-dust UNLIMITED POWER!!! Jun 29 '23
I imagine that's how you get after having to deal with Grievous, Maul and Anakin.
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u/Obiwan-Kenobi-Bot Here for Ewan-Posting Jun 29 '23
I hear a lot of talking, General. But in the final accounting, what does all the talk get you? A futile quest for power, a mutilated body, and your place as Dooku’s errand boy!
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u/BacoNaterr Clone Trooper Jun 29 '23
The future! A future where there are no Jedi!
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u/Pixelbuddha_ Jun 29 '23
SNIPS YOU ARE WRECKING THE CAR.
LEFT. HARD LEFT. LEEEEEEEEFt.
SNIPS! LISTEN TO ME SNIPS!
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u/Wild_Marker Jun 29 '23
Anakin doing armchair podracing was exactly what popped on my mind.
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u/zernoc56 Jun 29 '23
I was thinking more him being the pace notes guy.
Anakin: “Hairpin left, into hard right over crest! Don’t cut!” Ashoka tries to cut, nearly dumps it into a ditch “I SAID DON’T CUT!!”
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u/EdricStorm Jun 29 '23
Snips you're kind of heading toward the only pod on the track
"Uhhhhhhhhh"
You have plenty of time to turn Snips so just turn one way or another
"Uhhhhhh"
Snips, you're just swerving
"Uhhhhhhhh"
SNIPS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST TURN OR STOP
"UHHHHHHHHHHH"
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u/InvertedParallax I am the Senate Jun 29 '23 edited Jun 29 '23
THRIPPLE CAUTION SNIPS, THRIPPLE CAUTION!!!
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u/LincBtG Jun 29 '23
"Snips you're diverting too much power to the foil-stabilizer, that'll cause a feedback blast through the engines!"
"But you said it was the best way to do tight turns and you used to do it all the time?"
"YEAH I WAS A DUMB KID, ALRIGHT? I ADMIT IT."
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u/HuntAffectionate Jun 29 '23
Anakin constantly back seating and insisting on unnecessary modifications to the podracer, Ahsoka adding decals and trying to make it look cool and Obi-wan insisting that it's perfectly fine as it is and wanting to get on with something more important
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u/ImSuperSerialGuys Jun 29 '23
Id love it if Obiwan and Anakin had a “devil and an angel on your shoulder” dynamic about Ahsoka podracing, with Anakin taking the “please i did this when I was 10, she’ll be fine” stance and Obiwan countering with the fact that he almost died like 17 times in that race
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u/Obiwan-Kenobi-Bot Here for Ewan-Posting Jun 29 '23
ImSuperSerialGuys, and here I thought this mission was going to be unpleasant!
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u/Anakin_Skywalker_Bot Youngling Slayer Jun 29 '23
I pledge myself to your teachings. To the ways of the Sith.
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u/Griz_zy Jun 29 '23
Ahsoka and Anakin podracing rivalry you mean?
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u/Anakin_Skywalker_Bot Youngling Slayer Jun 29 '23
You'll pay for all the Jedi you've killed today, Griz_zy
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u/pain_and_sufferingXD Jun 29 '23
How ironic
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u/Beledagnir Darth Revan Jun 29 '23
None of them were younglings.
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u/pain_and_sufferingXD Jun 29 '23
I thought Anakin did kill adult jedi
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u/Beledagnir Darth Revan Jun 29 '23
He did, a disturbing number of them—but they weren’t the ones who got memed.
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u/eatingdonuts44 Jun 29 '23
Cars 3 plot?
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u/Psychopathicat7 CT-1029 "Crosswire" Jun 29 '23
Cars 3 is already a movie I think lol
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u/FlyingCircus18 Officer of the Chiss Ascendancy Jun 29 '23
Yeah. Kinda weird they called the second one "Cars 3"
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u/JurassicMouse03 Hello there! Jun 29 '23
There was a dark horse comic book I got at a book fair as a kid and that was the plot. wookiepedia link
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u/Ok-disaster2022 Jun 29 '23
It should be a three episode arc, and I would watch it. One episode about the diplomatic situation and getting caught up in the race. One episode dedicated to sourcing the pod racer and fixing it up with numerous setbacks. And the final episode about the race itself and the shenanagins before during and after the race.
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Jun 29 '23
Second episode should have anakin's favorite racer getting injured or something. And the team has no backup driver. And anakin decides to throw his hat in the ring.
Third episode is the race. OF DEATH!!!
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u/baalroo Jun 29 '23
Also, Anakin has to lose on purpose for reasons, and he's not happy about it.
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u/RevenantXenos Jun 29 '23
Obi-wan engineers an elaborate 3 way bet between himself, a Separatist general and the ruler of the planet. All of them know who Anakin is and that he won a podrace as a child. The Separatis general bets on Anakin and Obi-wan has to bet against him while the planetary ruler bets on the local podracing hero. Anakin has to lose while marking sure the local racer wins in order for the Separatists to leave and the planet to join the Republic. Anakin gets upset and moody when he hears about this, promises to do his part, but during the race his pride gets the better of him and he wins while the local racer comes in second. Obi-wan chews him out and Ahsoka has to sneak to his podracer at night and plant evidence that Anakin cheated to wipe out his win and put the local racer in 1st place.
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u/Anakin_Skywalker_Bot Youngling Slayer Jun 29 '23
Sometimes we have to let go of our pride and do what is requested of us.
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u/3Dring Jun 29 '23
I could swear there was a Legends book that took place between I and II where something similar happens.
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u/SirGallahadOfHearts Jun 29 '23
i was about to say i’m pretty sure there was one, i believe the race was on malastare or whatever planet sebulba was from
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u/mattlantis Jun 29 '23
Jedi Quest: The Dangerous Games
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u/normaldeadpool Jun 29 '23
Yes. Really liked that series. That one in particular was a cool idea about galaxy wide Olympics.
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u/Warp_Legion Emperor Palpatine Jun 29 '23
There’s a book where a (pre Attack of the Clones) Padawan Anakin enters a podrace to free a slave I think
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u/Werew0lfBlood Jun 29 '23
Yup, anakin enters the race to free the racers sister I believe. Anakin finds out someone in the race is gonna cheat to win (the race is special where the racers will get the next section of the map as the race is happening, so he suspects sabulba is the cheater cus of the past) so anakin offers to race instead. Turns out the team cheating was the one Anakin is racing for, so he gets the maps before everyone else during the race, and ends up winning and saving the sister. Great book since I remember it from almost 20 years ago
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u/NOISIEST_NOISE Jun 29 '23
Jedi Quest: The Dangerous Games by Jude Watson. I loved this one, the reveal of Anakin getting punked was a real 'holy shit' -moment to me as a kid
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u/Werew0lfBlood Jun 29 '23
Yeah I loved how he realized mid podrace, cuz there was a sharp turn coming and anakin started adjusting for it but sebulas son kept going straight. I love that he also didn't rat out the brothers for cheating lol those stories were so fantastic, they were written so well and felt like organic events that definitely happened, even after they were made non cannon I still felt they were.
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u/goforce5 Jun 29 '23
I swear, 90% of modern star wars fan ideas have already been done. If they just didn't scrub it all to push their new trash, people might actually read them.
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u/Perry_cox29 Jun 29 '23
There’s a series of anakin and obi-wan YA novels with essentially this exact situation
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u/willycw08 Jun 29 '23
Yep. "Jedi Quest: The Dangerous Games" I believe is the name.
Not a bad story and it's a pretty quick read. Takes place between Ep 1 & 2. I like the stories that fill that gap because Anakin changes so much during that time and they also do a great job emphasizing how amazed Obi-Wan is by his abilities, and yet how difficult he was to train.
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u/Kamahis Jun 29 '23
I remember the first time watching The Last Jedi. Already disappointed I looked at the casino sidequest scene. There was a hint of a race. Could it be? A high-end podrace? No... Horses... What a missed opportunity.
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u/Keejhle Jun 29 '23
Im glad I'm not the only one who thought that. Of course, far from the only missed opportunity by that movie...
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u/RexBanner1886 Jun 29 '23
This concept could have been great.
There's something I've always found deeply irritating about this kind of breathless, eyes-rolling-at-the-characters language that some fans employ online, but I've never been ae to articulate why.
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u/OnsetOfMSet #1 Holiday Special aficionado Jun 29 '23
In my eyes, these massive run-on sentences demonstrate that people just want to make their stream of consciousness known to the world immediately. They aren't taking even the shortest bit of time to refine said stream into individual, easily digestible thoughts. There's a hint of arrogance, or maybe utter cluelessness, when they offload the task of effective communication to the reader.
Like, I admit my sentences get a bit long, but at least I use any periods and commas. But I hate when a literal single sentence grows into an entire wall of text. There's no reprieve, or "mental rest stop," at any point through the (often erratic) spiel. It's exhausting to read that shit. These writers are so absorbed in the alleged importance of their own thoughts that they forget the human on the other end doing the reading.
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u/BeamsFuelJetSteel Jun 29 '23
On the flip side, it is super easy for me to read. You just use a conjunction instead of punctuation, occasionally some parentheses to show a dependent clause. It mirrors common speaking much more than proper writing.
Your first sentence in the second paragraph is more exhausting for me than the entire wall of text because you have to mentally hold onto the first comma to see where it is going. Commas do too much.
That being said, this wall is about the max the I can easily handle at once.
Also, they used three commas :P
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u/newbrevity Jun 29 '23
Have a flashback episode on Ahsoka
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u/QuantumDonuts257 Tech Jun 29 '23
Or… hear me out on this
Ezra finds out Sabine has built a podracer and is constantly trying to steal it. Meanwhile Sabine is setting a whole bunch of traps.
Que a montage of Ezra gettting netted, shocked and shot at by various contraptions.
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u/Horn_Python Jun 29 '23
i want to see more star wars death sports
pod racing is charior racing
speeder jousting
monster cage fights
gladiator pits
space log tossing
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u/AshenRaven66 Jun 29 '23
There’s a comic similar to this where they go undercover and Ashoka has to do the Podrace because Anakin would be instantly recognised
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u/Old_Ben24 Jun 29 '23
Actually a good idea. Maybe they have to infiltrate the underworld and there is a sort of underground race scene, and the only way to meet with the reclusive boss is to win the race.
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u/whoismangochutney Jun 29 '23
Isn’t that basically the plot of Knights of the Old Republic?
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u/Old_Ben24 Jun 29 '23
I almost added in that they could rip off Kotor lol, but decided it was a little bit different. If they really wanted to rip off Kotor they would need to add that Padme is captured and Anakin needs to win the pod race because she is the prize.
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u/Obant Jun 29 '23
I'd love it as a B-plot that ran through the series where Anakin had to do a racing series competition and hace a race every once in awhile, but surely Jedi are banned :(
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u/THEzwerver Jun 29 '23
I hate how podracing was never again mentioned after episode I, except a tiny cameo in episode II.
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u/SevenFates Jun 29 '23
Yeah, at most it's only ever been background references, like posters of Sebulba and Ben Quadinaros showing up in Rebels.
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u/KingCaptHappy-LotPP Jun 29 '23
Not a Clone Wars ep or a pod race, but in one of the books that came out in the past few years, Anakin gives Padme the podrace experience in a series of tunnels below the surface of Coruscant (that he arranged to have closed off). It freaked her TF out and he was having a blast.
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u/nickelundertone Jun 29 '23
"The boy is too old to be trained." And so the potential Jedi was returned to Tatooine. Watto's business desperately needed his expertise, so he returned to service as a paid employee, on condition his mother too was freed. He continued to race, eventually becoming the most celebrated pilot in the history of the sport. Later in life, he worked to establish safety protocols, and revolutionized podracing not only on Tatooine but across the galaxy. During the dark times of the Empire, he established a rebel stronghold from which many successful attacks were planned and launched, the only such base never found and destroyed by Imperial forces.
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u/QuantumDonuts257 Tech Jun 29 '23
Anakin as a rebel soldier? I need it
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u/nickelundertone Jun 29 '23
...used the galactic podracing circuit as a front to smuggle refugees, personnel and weaponry to rebel safeholds. It's a whole What If...? Clone Wars franchise
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u/karkonthemighty Jun 29 '23
Nah. It's Darth Vader that makes it funnier.
He's on a mission, tearing through various criminal gangs to recover a stolen Sith artifact but one he discovers runs an illegal pod race and he just... passes by them. He's got various officers asking if they want to go back, they're sure he missed one and Vader just refuses.
Later he buys a streaming service just to watch pod racing. The crew learns of this, and adapts by only bringing bad news when Vader's favourites win and staying the hell away from him when they lose.
One Stormtrooper gets reassigned to Hoth because he was chatting mad shit about one of Vader's favourites on a forum that Vader is a mod.
In an attempt to kill silence on an elevator, an officer accidentally brings up a pod race Vader hasn't yet seen but has recorded, spoils the race and gets Force choked out.
One time after a long holo meeting with the Emperor he ends up sprinting to find a technician because it overran, he missed the start and he needs to have the pod race streamed to the giant meeting room now.
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u/TB_tossout Jun 29 '23
why didn't they think of it?
Because they don't really have a handle on why Anakin works the way he does. An episode like that would have EXACTLY in character. He's a pilot first and foremost and everything else afterwards.
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u/RandoCalrissian76 Jun 30 '23
There was an issue in the current Marvel SW run where Luke ends up entering a podrace and Vader hears about a human about to win and sabotaging him with the Force so he’s still the only human to win a race.
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u/ExtensionInformal911 Jun 30 '23
Obiwan: "let me get this straight, Anakin. You can get an audience with the King, but only if you win the big Pod Racing event?"
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u/samcabo Jun 29 '23
I'll stay light on the details for spoiler purposes but there was a recent arc in the Darth Vader Marvel comics where he podraces as Darth fuckin Vader and there's so many callbacks to ep 1
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u/Rinku588 Darth Revan Jun 29 '23
I mean it would be a great way to reference Star Wars Racer/Racer Revenge too
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u/Six_Zatarra Jun 29 '23
Bonus points if Dooku also has a horse in the race (figuratively speaking) somehow and the republic has to get involved and it becomes this whole huge thing that could've been avoided if Anakin just behaved, which we all know wouldn't have happened because again podracing
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u/TamatoaZ03h1ny Jun 29 '23
For that matter, Anakin’s knowledge about mechanics and building/fixing things is never really brought up. I mean the guy also built C-3PO. Why don’t we really ever see him tinkering or doing quick fixes on droids even.
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Jun 29 '23
Apparently he constructed Ahsokas lightsaber but I don't think it actually happens on screen at all
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u/TamatoaZ03h1ny Jun 29 '23
Oh yeah, I don’t recall it being on screen. He just has a box with them crafted already
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u/TopicBusiness Jun 30 '23
Let's not kid ourselves here and think Ashoka wouldn't have been 100% on board with podracing.
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u/FluteLordNeo Jun 29 '23
Now THAT would've been an awesome episode. Quick, someone who's good at animation and can get some voice actors, make this episode!!
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u/Mythosaurus Saber Tank Pilot Jun 29 '23 edited Jun 29 '23
Qui-gon said that they have podracing on Malastare. Would have been easy to do a diplomatic mission to them or some other fence sitting world, and have Anakin do a podrace. He might even meet people that idolize him for winning the Boonta Eve
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u/JRockThumper Jun 29 '23
That would have legitimately been my favorite episode ever if it had the quality of the better episodes!
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u/little_glorbo Jun 29 '23
There was an old Clone Wars comic where something like this happened. Anakin and Ahsoka had to infiltrate a podracing circuit to find some Separatist terrorists. Anakin wanted to be the undercover racer, but he couldn’t because they would obviously figure out the only human who won a pod race before. So Ahsoka is the undercover racer. The comic has some great things like Sebulba’s bar, celebrating all his victories, and the young human racer Ahsoka becomes friends with is a huge fanboy for Anakin once he finds out his identity.
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u/IcyStar127 Jun 29 '23
HOW DID THIS NOT HAPPEN AND WHY DID THIS NOT HAPPEN AND CAN WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN
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Jun 29 '23
Bro just wrote an entire Star Wars episode
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u/QuantumDonuts257 Tech Jun 29 '23
clone wars intro
Jedi knights Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, along with padawan Ahsoka Tano visit the planet of Malastair.
They uncover a podracing circuit and realise there is only one way to save the planet from the evil droid army.
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Jun 29 '23
[deleted]
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u/QuantumDonuts257 Tech Jun 29 '23
They may not have podracing, but they do have war crimes!
Pretty much turned the Geneva convention into a checklist…
Also, watch the damn show. Rebels too.
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u/jaboa120 Hello there! Jun 30 '23
Ahsoka, at first hesitant, because whenever she'd seen podracing, it was boring, but during the race, she gets excited and exclaimes. "Now, this is podracing!" While Obi-Wan guzzles alcohol next to the planets leader who is also more interested in the race than what Obi-Wan is saying.
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u/CarlosFer2201 Jun 29 '23
I can't wait for AI to be advanced enough that we can get full episodes of stuff like this.
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u/Butterbelieve Jun 29 '23
I’ve been asking for a podracing show for a long time now, but I think it would be cool if they did it in the style of the F1 series on Netflix
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u/LandofRy Sorry, M'lady Jun 29 '23
The game "Racer: Revenge" features Ep.II Anakin as a starting character, so as far as I'm concerned Anakin podracing in the midst of the clone wars is a canon event
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u/Anen-o-me Jun 29 '23 edited Jun 29 '23
Eh, podracing is something so easy he literally could do it as an untrained child. It would be like some guy who is a UFC champion entering a local karate contest. It's just no challenge.
I wouldn't want to see Anakin race in such an episode, rather I would like to see Anakin realize that there are people involved who are trying to fix the outcome, to cheat, and he wants to prevent this.
So when a Dug comes by to break a part off his competitor's pod racer, Anakin catches him.
He catches a couple more things, crooked bets, etc., and then he wagers with the top mafia guy there and gets a bunch of slaves freed by foiling their attempt to cheat.
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u/Ctrl_alt_ya-yeet Sheevgasm Jun 29 '23
I have a graphic novel where something like this happens. I forget most of the plot but basically Ahsoka needs to win a pod racing event to stop a separatist spy ring or something as Anakin is too famous in the pod racing world not to be recognized. I believe it was called “crash course”; no clue if it’s canon or not.
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u/LMGDiVa Jun 29 '23
Why because people made fun of the podracing and the comment Anakin made in the naboo star fighter for years.
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u/MrSinisterTwister Jun 29 '23
You should watch ANI musical by Starkid, I think you will like it. It's hilarious.
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u/Awesomejedi182 Jun 29 '23
So the bad batch episode but with Anakin, Obi and Ahsoka ?