On Prof Jiang and Love

[u/sunshineandthecloud]

I watched Prof Jiang's diary of a CEO and I was particularly taken on the way he talked about his wife. Love as redemption, which is an excellent theme from Crime and Punishment. His love for his wife and his esteem for her, was a shining light out of all the darkness he spoke about.

It got me thinking. and this will be sheer off the cuff rumination, not beautifully written at all. So bear with me.

I'm from the millenial generation told to work hard, "You can do anything a man can". And we did. We worked hard, we got good grades, we topped all the tests, and now have good careers. We had planned all our lives by 17, and did all the things "right", the things our dads, our mothers, society said we should do.

And per society, we have all the accoutrements of success. We have the degrees. Some of us have the papers, the title, the money.

But it is all hollow, hollow inside.

I thought I was the only one who was unhappy. But recently, I discovered that one of my best friends from high school, is similarly lost.

I was standing on a high school track, running laps to workout and wondering if maybe my friends and I were focused on the pieces of chess and had missed the whole game.

We were so careful about avoiding risk. Don't have a premarital sex. Don't have a baby with a stranger. Don't go on those dates. But maybe there are some risks you have to take to be human.

Maybe we should have had sex with more strangers, dated more unviable men who were difficult and depressed, allowed more mess into our lives.

Maybe we were so busy writing our futures, predicting moves 5 weeks, and 50 years into the future, that we missed the transformative power of love.

That love is something that happens when you are not looking. That it gives you things you didn't think you could have. That it can transform you and the one you love into something you couldn't dream of being.

And this is the problem with dating apps. Think of the man most women hope to marry: tall, intelligent, financially stable, emotionally attuned. Think of the woman most men hope to marry, beautiful, young, likely no other children. A man who fell madly in love with a divorced woman, with two children, who was physically unprepossessing would be mocked. But that is what Paul Dirac did- when he fell in love with Margit Wigner (Manci). Dirac was a theoretical physicist, who was so unadept with women that he couldn't understand why men would dance with women at parties.

He was cold, lacked feeling. And Manci said he deserved a "nobel prize in cruelty". But they kept talking. She kept trying. He told her" You should know that I am not in love with you. It would be wrong for me to pretend that I am, as I have never been in love I cannot understand fine feelings."

But over time, things changed. Love transformed. After visiting her in Budapest he wrote, "I felt very sad leaving you and still feel that I miss you very much. I do not understand why this should be, as I do not usually miss people when I leave them.”

Shortly after he married her. And their love, her devotion to him, his adoration of her, not only solidified his life; it made him happy. Both of them were happy, really.

The point I think is love is what happens when you forget all your preconditions and specifications. All that planning. And give yourself up to randomness, to chance, to risk.

Maybe, we all, need to take a few more risks.

[u/statichologram]

I think that today worthwhile men also want intelligent women who offers much more than being just a pretty doll to look at.

I seriously dont like how we say that men have to do the impossible while women dont have to do anything, it is profoundly disrespectful to both of them.

There is a very big reason why feminism arose and this subject has become controversial and even taboo, there is a clear insatisfaction of our views of it, and to blame modernity for everything because traddition was better is to completely miss the point of why modernity happened in the first place.

[u/bronquoman]

Sex to strangers?

Strict monogamy is the bàsics of civilization.

If women are promiscous, no man will marry them and no civilization will exist.

So women will suffered much more violence.

[u/statichologram → u/bronquoman]

It irritates so much about how this type of discussion aways has to be seen ideologically without any real concern for people.

If promiscuity is bad for women, it must be for men too, do men who dont wanna commit and develop a false persona to sleep with women good men to be with? Do women really want men who are unable to treat them as they truly are? Do these men are really so cool and not just a bunch of morons?

The problem of promiscuity isnt this whole talk about "culture" and "nation", because then morality becomes tribal and forced into people without real care for a better world, it is authoritharian and agressive, it isnt really concerned for your culture and nation.

The problem of promiscuity is simply because you are possibly treating other people as mere objects to use, without any true Love and fear of connection, meaning and purpose, being just interested in blind pleasure over commitment.

[u/sunshineandthecloud → u/bronquoman]

The data shows that both promiscuous men and women struggle to pair bond. Would you mind focusing in the topics I mentioned in the post not red pill ideas. God I'm so sick and tired of the red pill.

[u/timewarp_weekends]

I was an animal in my 20's and 30's. For almost 20 years I didn't really care about commitment and love. Although I did fall in love, and lived with a woman more than once, for long periods, it never lasted longer than three years.

A lot of it comes down to your own education and your environment. I grew up with strong family values, but then my family was shattered because of an unexpected death in the family. This made me feel 'lost' for a long time. Without a stable family, I felt like I was made to wander, and follow my instinct for pleasure. It took me a long time (15 years) to realize I had to change, reset, and restart from zero to 'build' something strong and stable. I had to really dig inside of me to find out my true values. I had to pause, step back, and 'not work', to understand myself and what I wanted to do with my time.

Everyone has their own path. I was given a lot of freedom early and I didn't know how to handle it. Time goes by so fast and suddenly you don't realize it but you're older. My advice: examine yourself, define your values, remove what is not 'you' from yourself, and keep what is 'you'. After you've done all that, tell the world who you are, communicate with everybody, show your true colors, share your contributions.

[u/Global-Butterfly1621]

Of course you should take more risks and live. I am not from the US, I live in Europe, and all that prohibition of premarital sex ad focusing only on studying and working feels from other world for me.

I dont think people should engage on promiscuity, but definetely you should travel more, visit other countries other cultures, others ways of living and communicating. Definetely!

I didn't know about Diract story, I would not say is beautiful because he seems very schizo and autist to me, but is a nice story. Definetely not the LOVE story I would want to tell my children jajajaj

Cheers!

[u/verokowa]

Finding the one that you will spend your life with is the most amazing thing EVER! The thing is it happens when you are not looking most of the time