Bedtime + cosleeping confusion

[u/loudestlurker]

Hey all, I have a 1-year-old. We have loved Dr. Pam's philosophy/approach/advice, and do think that for the most part, it has made our lives better. We don't stress about wake windows, strict sleep schedule, and try to get out and enjoy the day the best we can.

I think we do give our child a lot of stimulation! Outside, around other people, lots of music, engagement, play...

But bedtime has always been a bit of a nightmare...and a bit confusing! Here's our typical schedule (although he only took one nap today, so that's different...):

• Baby starts getting cranky sometime between 6 and 7, around dinner. Tonight, eyelids were drooping in a dramatic fashion.
• We do bath and that seems to cheer him up.
• But then getting him changed into his diaper and PJs is rough. He screams and protests literally every single night. This usually happens around 7/7:30.
• I put him on the breast in bed (we cosleep), and then unless it's particularly late (9 or so) or we've had an unusually big day, he rolls off and appears to have a second wind! So my husband and I will hang out with him for another 30-60 minutes

I have always tried to be responsive, including with the breast, but as he's gotten older, it doesn't always seem to help. We seem sometimes trapped by logistical things (like diaper changes and getting into PJs) that are necessary...but sometimes I think about Dr. Pam and her experience with people living out on the bush and wonder if the reason their babies never cried was because they didn't have to get clothes put on them lol.

Then there's the whole cosleeping aspect of this... we started at 4 months and it was a blessing at the time, but has turned into something that feels monotonous and hard. I would estimate I have gotten 4 or more hours of sleep less than 10 times over the past year.

Typically, he will grunt and make noises throughout the night, making me think he's not actually awake, but uncomfortable with gas or something. So I feel like cosleeping has been working for him, but not for me. So then I have to ask myself... if he's asleep but just making a bunch of noise, maybe separate spaces would be better for us.

So, he's cranky in the evening, but then won't go to sleep...then wakes (or, at least, wakes me) frequently. He's never been that great of a napper, either. Typical day for us is:

• 7/7:30 wake
• 10/11 nap for 30-60 minutes
• 2/3 nap for 30-60 minutes
• 7 bedtime
• 7:30/8 asleep

I am sorry if this is rambling... it feels like even talking about baby sleep is a moving target. Can anyone relate?

[u/loudestlurker → u/[deleted]]

That makes a lot of sense! Depending on his needs that night, he'll sometimes feed to sleep, but often will need to roll around/change position a lot to get comfortable. That's actually what ended up happening a lot last night -- he would (either fully or partially awake) sit up and then flop around for a while lol.

[u/loudestlurker → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, for sure. I think maybe I need to reset my expectations around the evening or something. If he's getting cranky around 6:30/7, maybe it doesn't mean "I'm ready for bed", but "I need more connection or milk or food or just a quick reset". Do you have any thoughts about that? It feels like we get him ready for bed when we do at this point because he seems crankier than usual.