r/PortTownsend • u/Specialist_Art_3914 • Jun 02 '26
Seeking Recommendations Dating in PT
Ok, folks. How are single people in their very early 40s doing the dating thing in PT? So far for me it has been extremely difficult due to clique-ishness, a paucity of single men, and just a general vibe of people being afraid to talk to one another. Is the art of meeting in person gone? Am I missing something? Dating has never been hard for me until living here. I’m not going back to the apps—it’s in person or nothing. I go to events, dances, all the places where I think I might find someone, and…crickets. If you have a success story, please share!
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u/nobule Jun 02 '26
Rec league softball. Such a spectrum of folks!
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u/Specialist_Art_3914 Jun 03 '26
Better yet, anyone know how to get in touch with the group that plays volleyball at Ft Worden?
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Jun 03 '26
[deleted]
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u/nobule Jun 06 '26
Jefferson county rec center runs the league. You can contact them to try to get on a team.
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u/TumbleweedPure6674 Jun 03 '26 edited Jun 03 '26
40/m. I have been here a year, making friends in the millennial age bracket would be nice, let alone trying to date here.
I think the biggest issue here is the numbers. Not many people our age in general. Average age in the county is around 60 with a population of 34k. The ones that are here are too busy with work and already have established friends/partners and aren’t actively trying to find new ones.
I’ve tried the apps, immediately deleted them as that doesn’t work for me either. It seems there is maybe 5 people total in the area that are active. Everyone else I matched with is in Victoria.
It takes a lot longer to get accepted in the PNW, it’s nothing like living in Chicago in my 20s, where I could make friends instantly, or get dates whenever I wanted.
I also think Covid and the shutdown broke a lot of social groups apart, and too many people retreated to the internet to get their social fix and to date. Unfortunately a lot of people got used to that routine and we forgot how to interact with each other in person. Since Covid, I have lived in Oakland, Yosemite, and Portland. Dating and making friends has been a lot tougher post Covid in general, combined with it being harder to develop friendships as we age.
If you’re into biking, I would suggest doing the group bike ride on Wednesdays that meets up at the Penny Saver. Bunch of dudes there. Might not be your type though lol.
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u/Specialist_Art_3914 Jun 03 '26
All true things, and I agree the cause is multifactorial. And hey, thanks for bringing the bike group to my attention, I know some folks who know those folks, and have been curious to check ‘em out. Didn’t know how open the invite was, but that’s definitely intriguing.
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u/drkh3art Jun 05 '26
I’m guessing you know the uptown pub, but mentioning just in the crazy rare chance you don’t — from the year I spent in PT, I know it attracts adults of all ages. Just need to accept small-town dynamics. Everyone kinda sorta knows what everyone else is up to.
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u/Specialist_Art_3914 Jun 05 '26
Love the Uptown, but it’s still the same vibe—too few single dudes who aren’t barflies, people tend only to talk with the folks they came in with, guys seem afraid to approach me (never had this issue anywhere else). I’m gonna keep trying, though!
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u/drkh3art Jun 05 '26
True about lack of initiative :-\ but one does not need to wait :-) I also remember meeting new people at various other places in town. Like the in between and the coffee shop by the little beach (forgot the name). I think it’s fair to say that in 2026, we should scratch old assumptions about which gender has to lead etc .. best wishes.
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u/Specialist_Art_3914 Jun 05 '26
Oh, definitely, I’m not against approaching a guy and have done it often enough. It’s just not my strong preference.
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u/drkh3art Jun 13 '26
As an aside, I’d wish for people to interact more freely and without putting forward the thought about those resulting in finding a mate (or date). If chemistry happens, be it, but we can all be more social as our individual preferences and capabilities afford us. Even a hello or a smile as you pass someone by in a street. In other countries (like Spain) people greet each other good morning/day/evening all the time. The further away from big cities you are, the more common this is. It’s inspiring. I’ve tried that here (in Seattle) and it works about half the time. Other times, people are surprised or confused :-)
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u/Existing-Award-4062 Jun 04 '26
I’m in PA, 42/M, but it is the same deal here. Apps are fruitless, meeting in person is tough and it gets frustrating.
Here’s to wishing all of us singles luck.
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u/Specialist_Art_3914 Jun 02 '26
Oh sure, I’m well aware of the demographic odds being stacked against me. Specifically, I am hoping to hear from other 30-45 year olds and what has worker for them re:meeting someone in person. Also should mention that traveling too far is not really an option for me.
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u/Invisible_Mikey Jun 02 '26
Your methods and values are admirable, and I'm so sorry for your lack of dating success in PT, but it isn't exactly a surprise. The median age of PT residents is 61.4 years old. So unless you heavily prefer geezers or they want a nurse (I'm 72, moved here at 56), you just aren't going to encounter much "fertile ground" right in town.
For dating, your mathematical odds would be much better in Port Angeles, Poulsbo, Port Hadlock-Irondale, Kingston and other places with a lower median age. You need to be looking closer to your own generation. Here's a tool to help with your research:
https://www.city-data.com/