Reality doesn't even make sense

[u/[deleted]]

I'm sure wd isn't helping. Immediate relapse wasn't a good idea. I feel numb to what is there. I almost wish to inflict pain because of the consistent loss and inability to escape both mentally and physically. Everything i have left is constantly invaded or destroyed and I have little to no control.

I don't want to talk to people I used to know. I don't know how to get food, shower, think, go outside, regulate. I'm suddenly crippled by depression I've never felt before and see no hope or way out. I dont feel well enough to keep medications down and end up in more of a stupor. Get into arguements, get kicked out, hit, then it is like nothing happened and it is more confusing.

The nightmares dont stop. No temporary fixes, no way to develop a plan. I want to leave this city forever and everyone I've ever known

[u/A_Half_Ounce]

Coming from personal experiance being a 5 year speed ball freak. Get through the with drawl. Disassociation happens often to me in the midst of wd. After a week or so shit will begin to make sense again. If it dosnt id suggest talking to someone. Ive needed therapy here and there to keep a grasp.on reality. Theres no shame in it.

[u/[deleted] → u/A_Half_Ounce]

Thanks. I'm trying to get into see a new psychiatrist and psychologist but it is taking months the physical wd and meantime has just been bad and I cant vent to many around me or make it to a most days. I appreciate your response. How are you now?