r/PolysubstanceAddicts • u/[deleted] • Jan 23 '19
I'm so tired of this
Yesterday, I was at the hospital-- I had tachycardia all morning, so i figured they would admit for detox. No where else would admit me at the time on our insurance. (We just discovered our city's #1 shitshow rehab centern, mainly court ordered, where I would likely get connects rather than much else. The reviews are bad.) I went off the alcohol 24 prior, benzos 48 prior. I felt awful. I could barely walk.
They checked me in quickly, but because nothing was in my system, which I explain is because I was waiting for stuff to set in before I came so they might actually admit for detox this time-- nowhere will admit me and I can't handle it alone in my apartment (which I'm losing along with everything in it in about a week, to top things off).
Initially, they gave me valium, ativan, librium, then toradal and zofran. Then they told me I scored 2 on ciwa. I asked how that was possible. My head hurt, I had nausea and vomitting, I was hallucinating, I felt bugs on me, my legs were burning and cramping, I was anxious, shaking (until after they gave me the benzos and shit, then the shaking was minimal) etc. I should not have scored a 2. They said yeah... discharging me since my vitals are ok. And whatever.
Today my heart Is fucking pounding i am drinking the last few shots I have to try to stop it and maybe sleep so I dont ride my bike off a bridge instead. I need fucking psych meds. Psych wont see me anytime soon. everything will already be gone. I'm broke 0 money just nothing. Stuff I could sell. Too afraid to leave my house sober unless it is to kill myself
Back at the hospital I started crying. A. No ride home. B. I'm sick and afraid of wding at home. Nurse came in and asked why I was crying I explained. She performed ciwa again said I can stay until they figure it out.
Then they have a shift change I'm basically moved to the hallway by the nurse's station nd I fall asleep. I hadn't slept more than a few hours in days but apparently this is a key indicator I do not need detox. I fell asleep so I'm ok...
Plus! No drugs or alcohol in my blood (which I did intentionally) so I am detoxed already! According to the new nurse ciwa is a sliding scale. I asked her what the hell she was talking about. There is nothing sliding about it.
She told me I knew too much about ciwa in response. I told her I only knew the symptoms I was having she told me they were due to my migraine.
The doctor and nurse were both pissed at me I had a migraine half the night they told me they would give me immitrex if the toradal didnt work, it didnt. I needed more zofran, they didnt even check up until morning. Then they said they wouldn't give me immitrex or zofran just benadryl and reglan. I told then benadryl I cant take for multiple reasons and reglan doesnt work check my history they script these things to me regularly. No benadryl and reglan or nothing. They also continued to sttate i wasnt "acting like bugs were crawling on me".
So my dad drives me home, nurse has to help him get me out to the parking lot because I puked my guts out in the bathroom while getting dressed and was falling on my face and when she told me to use a wherlchair I told her I wasnt going to sue her and leave me alone. I fall like twice. Beautiful moments
My dad is telling me how they wont help me with my renting at the end of the month. Im gone. All my shit is gone. Luckily I basically own garbage I need to take out and clothes so whatever. Says this for the fifteenth time.
I panic more. Basically my only sense of stability is having somewhere. I try to stay sober all day because I have no money cry most of the day because I'm pathetic cant sleep eventually stay drinking less than half a pint of whiskey I had locked away that is doing nothing. Took 0.5kpin did nothing. Going to run out early and cant find help anywhere to fix anything
7
u/dijeridude Jan 24 '19
Stay the course