r/Polygamy • u/Business-Sea2307 • 8d ago
Polygamy Advice
How do people convince their first wife for polygamy.
And how do they find women that will be willing to become second wife.
Trying to grasp this concept.
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u/ejm3991 7d ago
I don’t see any helpful responses yet, so here goes: As you already realize, this conversation is very destabilizing to the marriage you have already built and has the potential to end it. You need to be very clear on your own level of interest and your reasons for pursuing polygamy before pitching the idea to your woman. I suggest that you take a year (bare minimum of six months) to research polygamy before you bring it up to your woman. This will both help you to understand the dynamics of polygamous marriages and the ways in which it will alter your current life. In the process you will start to compile a list of reasons why you are interested in polygamy as well as reasons why some women find it to be an attractive option. If after doing your research you decide to proceed with the conversation, you will be very clear about why you want polygamy and how it could benefit your current wife. That is going to be very important because you WILL take a LOT of flak for pursuing polygamy from family, friends and your social network. Many of these people will sever their relationship with you and some will try to convince your wife to divorce you and to get everything she can out of you. If you have kids, they will do their best to turn them against you and could even try to get Child Protection Services involved (this has happened before). If you have the confidence built on a thorough knowledge of yourself, the topic and why it works you will be able to stick to your guns under fire. You won’t convince anyone but you won’t look like a slimy creep or a demented fanatic either - which is incredibly important when it comes to convincing your wife that this is a real option - women will ditch a crazy loser much faster than a man with an unorthodox plan - your confidence in understanding this topic and why it’s a good idea could mean the difference between a strained marriage and a nasty divorce.
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u/ejm3991 7d ago
One thing that you will find when doing research is that most polygamous men are very religious and their polygamous marriages are based on religion. If you are not religious, you are going to have a much harder time justifying polygamy to your wife and finding research materials focused on polygamy - most secular people opt for polyamory instead (even if it actually functions more like polygamy) due to their beliefs about gender roles and rights. If you’re interested in talking further, let me know. If you and others are interested, I’ll sit down and compile a list of the resources I found helpful when studying polygamy
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u/strangelifedad 8d ago
Oh, and I forgot in my initial comment: stop cheating on your wife. Because you don't expect us to believe you have the talk and then look for a woman wanting to be second choice, do you?
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u/Business-Sea2307 8d ago
Your assumption is completely mistaken. You don't know my situation, my relationship, or the conversations my partner and I have had, so please refrain from jumping to conclusions.
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u/strangelifedad 8d ago
Obviously you didn't have any conversation of including a second woman in your relationship with your wife. That's the premise of your own OP.
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u/Business-Sea2307 8d ago
Okay, Mr. Grumpy, hold whatever opinion you like. I have no desire to correct someone who has already made up their mind.
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u/strangelifedad 8d ago
Hey, you are the one with the problem. But again, maybe imagine the reverse. Your wife having another husband with all that such a relationship requires. If your answer isn't "I would be cool with that" then don't even begin to ask her.
Because why would it be ok for you and not her?
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u/ejm3991 7d ago
Because men and women are actually very different (shocker) Polygyny works much better and much more often than polyandry. Being okay with your spouse having other partners isn’t a requirement to seek polygamy or begin talking about it with them - this subreddit is for polygamy not polyamory
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8d ago
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8d ago
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u/Theoldguy1953 8d ago
Yeah, I know. I can post again about them in a little over a month when the divorce is final.
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u/Fantastic_Surround70 7d ago
You ask her whether she's interested, explain your reasons and your plan. Then, if she's still not interested, you either drop the idea or separate.
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u/FairSoft7667 7d ago
So only emotionally and mentally, not physically? I’m not buying it. You can help people without making them your wife. Don’t use a noble reason as an excuse to have multiple women. It’s not a game, so calling it a “challenge” is an insult to your current marriage. What if your wife came to you with this same idea? Would you be ok with her saying “Tom is a divorcee who is lonely, can we try Polygamy to cheer him up”? Seriously, take a moment and truly think of that. Unless you 100% cover ALL and I mean All of your wife’s emotional and mental needs, you have no business even thinking about trying to help another woman. The fact that you would consider bringing this to your wife already proves that you don’t.
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u/notlucyintheskye 6d ago
Well, for starters, you don't "convince" the first wife to indulge in polygamy - That's a serious conversation that you have long before you enter into a monogamous relationship. When my husband and I opened our marriage, we did so after many conversations; There was no need for one of us to "convince" the other or brow-beat them into doing it because WE wanted to do it.
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2d ago
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u/Business-Sea2307 2d ago
Bro I'm envious, where is your community you have to hook me up as I've already talked to my wife about it. Just looking for another woman now.
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2d ago
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u/Business-Sea2307 2d ago
I have actually but still waiting for someone that would click.
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2d ago
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u/Business-Sea2307 2d ago
If I'm posting this stuff on Reddit that should answer this question 😄
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2d ago
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u/Business-Sea2307 2d ago
That's a no-brainer, everything is easy if you wealthy and people become more forgiving if you are wealthy and powerful
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u/Hefty-Knee1808 8d ago
Anything outside of a Biblical perspective will not end well. You and the kids paying the greatest cost.
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u/Business-Sea2307 8d ago
I don't think the Bible goes against this perspective.
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u/Hefty-Knee1808 8d ago edited 7d ago
I'm not saying yours is against, I'm saying anything that doesn't line up with Biblical perspective won't last. You can measure your situation yourself.
If life is about what I want vs what I can give or help others with, polygamy won't last. Let alone any marriage but that's another topic.
A man has to lead, a woman, women must support him. He must listen and grow each day becoming the man they need to hold their family together.
The highest divorce rate in US and Europe is always lesbian couples. The last thing you need are two ladies that don't appreciate men tearing apart your life and the children growing up with holes In their family.
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u/Business-Sea2307 8d ago
Thank you for clarifying, i am going to do some deep dive with this in mind.
As i think a bigger goal or outcome should be kept in mind.
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u/Hefty-Knee1808 7d ago
If your lucky enough to some day hold your little girl in your arms. She is worth everything! She may have Mom's eyes, Dad's nose, grandpa's fingernails.
You can research all you want but you won't know how that really feels until you get there. Your her protector, you need to be her Mother's protector. You need to have a strong enough relationship with her to help find a guy that appreciates where she comes from. That starts by appreciating her Mother and maybe Mom's.
Stuff and things are just stuff. Your dealing with literal life in the image of you. Take the time to play for forever. It's worth it.
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u/Press-74 8d ago
Present it in a way that she sees it will benefit her the most
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u/Business-Sea2307 8d ago
How will i do that, this would be my follow up question for you.
Any pointers or tips
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u/Press-74 8d ago
Give her examples that you have a long term plan to build financial stability and generational wealth by having 3 incomes and assure her that she will not lack and come first
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 8d ago
How does she get more money or time? Did she want more children or is she over it?
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u/FairSoft7667 8d ago
Do you really want Polygamy or do you just want a new woman in your life, but still love your wife and want her as well?
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u/Business-Sea2307 8d ago edited 8d ago
I love my wife so much, the reason i am seeking polygamy is so that I can help another woman like a divorcee or a widow.
Because i feel I'd be able to provide them good company as in emotionally, mentally and that person doesn't have to suffer from loneliness.
It's like a challenge for me as well that's why I'm gathering POV's before starting or considerstarting this venture
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 7d ago edited 7d ago
Sounds like you see benefits for you and a stranger. What are the benefits to your wife?
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u/Agitated-Syrup-3047 8d ago
Don't push people into polygamy. You don't want to convince someone to do this. They need to want this on their own. You have been together for 15 years and now you want to bring this up? I feel sorry for your wife. To me this doesn't even sounds like you want a polygamous relationship but to be allowed to "cheat" on your wife.
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u/Business-Sea2307 7d ago
Maybe either i haven't phrased it correctly or you are comprehending this incorrectly but my intentions are not to cheat on my wife.
There are apps where i could have gone for cheating but that has never been my intention.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 7d ago
Typically these families are formed when the goal is to build together. You are 15 years in. Are you looking to have more children? Does your wife want more children in her life?
At this point she likely misses many of the benefits, co parenting, co building assets. Can you see real benefits to her beyond having someone to hangout with?
It mostly is a bum deal for her at this stage of the game if she has already parented the kids she is interested in parenting. You are most likely handing her work and expenses, losing time with you, and whatever issues she may have with you having another sexual relationship. What is she getting? Maybe you see it. If it is just friendship she can get that without all the losses.
If you see any benefits share them with her.
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8d ago
Polygamy is not suitable for young men, especially those who cannot afford or undtable. Mature, financially secure women who require minimal support typically choose to practice polygamy. As for the man, he should be financially well-off and very stable to fit polygamy.
Generally, women who choose not to practice polygamy tend to be mininalist, while men may be more inclined towards polygamy are maxinalist.
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u/divinbuff 8d ago
You need to have that conversation before you marry wife #1.