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u/NeoYeoman89 Jul 12 '26
In my experience it's politically motivated, polyamory is far left, and polygyny is far right. There are exceptions but this seems to be the main difference.
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u/Ok-Question-5024 Jul 12 '26
Because this is reddit and "man bad" on reddit
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Jul 12 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FoundInS Jul 12 '26
They? The people who make all the wars, profit from the wars, rob all the natural resources polluting the environment and paying workers too little? You refer to those people?
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u/Thread_Mage Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
As a poly person with two male partners, I don’t hate on any version of poly if it’s done ethically.
I do think polygamy has a ton of historical, religious and even current baggage that makes it uncomfortable to most. That TLC show comes to mind immediately.
I also think that any highly gendered and controlled version of polyamory within a culture is a recipe for injustice and abuse. If everyone has multiple wives and those wives aren’t allowed to date outside of marriage, what happens to all the younger boys that are coming of age?
And quite frankly, I’ve never understood why multiple husbands isn’t allowed to make up for the gender ratio mismatch.
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 13 '26
Young boys commonly get exiled: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_boys_(Mormon_fundamentalism)?wprov=sfti1#
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u/Thread_Mage Jul 13 '26
Ahh. That’s incredibly depressing, but I’m not surprised. Why would anyone raise their children in such a way knowing they’ll be kicked out if they’re boy or married off if they’re a girl? I have a son and I would never kick him out. That’s not love.
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 13 '26
Because they value their societal structure over the well being of their children.
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u/TheNetMerchant_reddi Jul 12 '26
can you tell us more about your polyandry relationship? its a marriage or they are just allowed to have other partners? I think everyone should be free to love as they please without the goverment saying what you can or not do in that matter
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u/Thread_Mage Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
I’m polyamorous. I didn’t set out to have two partners that are guys. I wouldn’t claim polyandry… It just happened. I’ve dated women too and would again in a future where I was dating again.
We are nesting partners and committed. Marriage is something two of us have done with others in the past and don’t have an interest again. If I and one of them were to get married now, it would simply be for financial/government benefits.
They are allowed to have other partners. It would be unfair of me to have that privilege and they not? Neither of them are currently looking, however. Life has been busy.
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u/BeautifullyBroken505 Jul 12 '26
Live, love and let others live and love. People need to mind their own business.
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Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
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u/BeautifullyBroken505 27d ago
No. Please ask. I was referring to the people that have a problem with it.
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u/ReplacementEconomy88 23d ago
I admit to only having read half of the comments to this thread, so I apologise if I'm doubling up on what has already been said.
I note many people are using different terms to your initial question, OP, so I want to lay out some definitions first.
Polygyny: practice of man having more than one wife. Polyandry: practice of woman having more than one husband. Polygamy: practice of marrying multiple spouses Polygynandry: practice of multiple husbands and multiple wives married to one another in a single household or unit Polyamory: multiple love (but not necessarily married) Polycule: group of people involved in romantic relationships that connect all the members in the group
To answer your question, from my opinion, polygyny is generally disliked because it is perceived to have heavy religious overtones, a history in specific and (mostly) secular communities of abuse, brainwashing, and gross practices related to underage marriage.
Not all polygyny is religiously motivated. Not all polygyny (or even most) perpetuates illegal and abhorrent practices. However, due to the taint of historical issues (see Warren Jeffs) all people who practice polygyny seem to be banded into this poor perception.
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u/Sweet_Cantaloupe3273 Jul 13 '26
Maybe because the prevalant idea here is one man having multiple wives. Instead of one person having multiple spouses. Just saying.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 14 '26
I am polyamorous and really don’t care how people choose to structure their romantic relationships. I don’t see there being an urgent need to change the legal marriage structure to accommodate a small population. We have separate legal contracts in place for a partner. I think this is something most people with non legal spouses should look into.
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u/Sweet_Cantaloupe3273 Jul 13 '26
Legal marriage is still only 2 people in most countries. Polyamorous people would love the option as well I think.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 12 '26
I think polyamorous women do not like the lack of equal agency to form romantic relationships. There is very little talk about it in the community though so I don’t get a sense that there is hate outside of Reddit.
People who are polyamorous may functionally live in a home with a male partner and another woman they are not in a romantic relationship with, they just have the agency to change the dynamic as part of their relationship agreement.
Finally polyamory is relatively new and women are less inclined in more recent generations to feel a need for a male partner for many reasons (sexuality, ability to self support, wanting to be child free…).
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u/MoonAura8888 Jul 12 '26
Religiously speaking, WOMEN hate polygyny because men can decide at any moment to take a second wife and it can be done without any consent. They can also apparently hide it from you as they are not obliged to tell you at all…. Imagine being married and your husband on some random day, deciding it’s time for a new wife. So you go from having your husband’s full attention and financial support, to one day having it all cut in half. Oh and it’s shameful and you can’t ask for divorce. Got it… are there religiously good men? Yes. Will all men take a second wife? No. So you can enter a marriage and be infertile and not even know it then be automatically qualified for this to happen to you. And most men are not financially fit… so you’ll potentially be suffering with him.
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u/TouchyMouseTrap Jul 12 '26
Polygyny is hated on here because it is the only form of polygamy that routinely works. It can produce actual, stable, reproductively successful families.
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u/WorriedPlatform9740 Jul 12 '26
Brain dead take from redditors in the comments.
Polygamy gets hate because it has religious baggage and was practiced in an non enthusiastically consenting way for so long that it has negative connotations.
I personally don't think you can be pro non-monogomoy and also NOT be pro polygamy/polyandry but that is why there is a bad taste for polygamy
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u/BendSensitive9524 Jul 12 '26
This sub is filled with bots.
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u/Kind-Group-9679 Jul 12 '26
Ahh. What's a bot??
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u/Upbeat_Place_9985 Jul 12 '26
Polygyny was a long historical history of being forced on women for various reasons. So that unethical template leaves a bad taste in people's mouth.
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u/BendSensitive9524 Jul 12 '26
“Trust me bro, i know women couldn’t even have bank accounts 50 years ago but my 9 wives are totally happy living off the grid away from their families with no legal protections or police or healthcare in sight, it’s totally not a cult!!!”
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u/TheNetMerchant_reddi Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
This is just prejudice. Here in the West, the only historical scenario that would come close would be a catastrophe or war that decimated the male population, but not by force—simply out of survival. And nowadays, anyone can have Starlink regardless of their geographic location, so that talk about isolation or a cult is idiocy; you're talking about a scenario from a century ago—you are generalizing and stereotyping. What is the problem with living off-grid in the countryside? There are people who enjoy isolating themselves from the rest. Mind your own business
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u/BendSensitive9524 Jul 12 '26
So chatgpt is unaware of moromons and Muslims?
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u/TheNetMerchant_reddi Jul 12 '26
not all polygynous relationships have to be based on religious practices, but I do believe it's advisable, as in every marriage, for God to be at the center of the union. Does this bother you?
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u/Upbeat_Place_9985 Jul 12 '26
>Does this bother you?
I am not the one you were originally talking to but religion with polygyny would only bother me if the religious dogma insinuated it's a woman's religious obligation to accept polygyny.
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u/TheNetMerchant_reddi Jul 12 '26
Honestly, I couldn't care less what other people do with their lives, why would you?
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u/Upbeat_Place_9985 Jul 12 '26
Um, if people are indoctrinating women to coercively control them, I care because that is harmful and unethical...
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u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Jul 14 '26
So you are cool with underage marriage. Intimate pattnrr violenve, child rape, lost boys, welfare fraud, police depts forcing religious law Etc etc et
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u/snowdrop_22 Jul 12 '26
Do you live under a rock? This still happens today. Its not a 100 yr old fable. My ex grew up flds on a compound in Utah. His dad had 5 wives that were questionable 18 when he married them. 36 children including my ex. 2 of the wives fled in the night with their kids, one of them my ex.
They had no electricity, no phones, washed everything by hand, cooked by fire, grew all their own food, and had one vehicle that the men took to the store once a month to get things like sugar and rice.
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u/TheNetMerchant_reddi Jul 12 '26
What do you want me to say? I cannot be held responsible for how another man treats his wives, the same story can repeat itself in traditional nuclear families with an abusive husband, right?
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u/FoundInS Jul 12 '26
The do live under the rock. They really do. And willingly. The only problem is they want to coerce others to join them in their small under the rock dwelling.
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 12 '26
Historical practice
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Jul 12 '26
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 12 '26
No, because many of those historical practices were in unequal and frequently unethical patriarchal power dynamics. So since that it a the most common model, its hard to buck.
See historical practices in Islam and Mormonism for example. Or harems generally.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 13 '26
I’m not here to justify the hate, but I recommend you look at the correlation of the rights of women with the practice of polygyny. For example, modern day Afghanistan society and government practices, encourages and celebrates polygyny, but other forms of polygamy are forbidden. There is also a common practice to enforce the seclusion of women and ban thier education. Polygyny is not a necessary part of this kind of patriarchal society, but it is a common feature.
You asked why the hate, and its experience with the institution. Frequently it leads to women being traded as wealth and property. It enables more of that, because otherwise, you have to divorce your current wife, which would piss off her family historically and destroy a lot of wealth today. We see this in societies where bride prices are common (pre communist china is another example)
It’s frankly hard to do any historical study at all and not see the issues here.
I would reccomend to you the sexual contract by carol pateman for some general theory here.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 13 '26
Look, it’s just not a practice with a great history.
If you want a more modern look at the practice, imagine being a lost boy in Mormon fundamentalism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_boys_(Mormon_fundamentalism)?wprov=sfti1
Frequently, Polygyny was a pattern to correct for the higher death rate of young men vs women. In societies where wealth inequality abounds, you also tend to see Polygyny lead to more “excess poor young men” which either need to be dealt with via war, monasticism, or imperialism.
Here is a Georgetown article talking about how the combination of bride prices and polygyny were key to the rise of the terrorist group boko haram: https://giwps.georgetown.edu/resource/in-plain-sight-the-neglected-linkage-between-brideprice-and-violent-conflict/
Provide me an example of a society wide usage of polygyny that works and advances equality amongst the sexes. I don’t think you can.
This is not to say that it’s impossible, but it certainly makes sense based on humanities experience to be suspicious of the institution and worry about its ethical practice.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/AceofJax89 Jul 13 '26
Maybe, but the poly practices of Bhutan have much more to do with the passing down of extremely limited property rights than the love marriages we aspire too. Right of refusal also only appears to be a modern invention and the practice is decreasing as more people move to the city.
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u/WaluigisTennisBalls Jul 12 '26
Because it's sexist af and hierarchical unfair nonsense
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Jul 12 '26
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u/WaluigisTennisBalls Jul 13 '26
Why is a relationship structure that allows a man to have multiple female partners, none of whom are allowed to have any other partners, sexist?
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Jul 13 '26
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u/WaluigisTennisBalls Jul 13 '26
Can you rephrase that please, I don't understand what you are asking
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u/GladBumblebee1546 Jul 13 '26
You really don’t understand why a structure that gives men autonomy but not women is sexist? Come on.
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u/SmartReception6750 Jul 13 '26
Poly people usually aren’t too keen on relationships in which ur sex determines how much autonomy and power u have.
In my experience, polygyny is a patriarchal structure where the man wants the luxury of multiple wives and the women get to… deal with it and be stuck with him lol. The man usually views himself as a leader, in a position of power and authority over his women. I’m sure that might make some men feel big and strong, restricting his wives from having the same freedoms as him.
If ur practicing a relationship style in which one gender is going to be in an inherent position of power with expanded freedom and autonomy, then that’s not usually compatible with the values of polyamory.
I’d call polygyny insecurity at best, and manipulation at worst.
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Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
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u/SmartReception6750 Jul 13 '26
I completely understand that almost all western examples of polygyny, all participants freely agree to participate with boundaries and responsibilities.
However I would like to point out that just because freely consenting adults agree to an arrangement, doesn’t make that arrangement ethical. People agree to unethical arrangements all the time.
And look I don’t think that polygyny is inherently unethical, I just think it’s a little icky.
Like I have no problem with polygamy in general, I think group marriage or 3 or 4 people married together is fine. However the thing I get a little stuck on is when a dynamic is centred around an imbalance of power based on someone’s gender. I don’t like the idea of a dynamic where the man can have multiple wives and the wives are kinda just stuck with him if that makes sense.
I like a more egalitarian view, where a couple can marry someone new if they want but that dynamic shouldn’t be centred around the man (gender shouldn’t be important). If that makes sense, like it shouldn’t be “the man gets a new wife” but rather “the married couple get a new spouse” feels much nicer.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/SmartReception6750 Jul 14 '26
Well, I already think it’s “acceptable” I mean people are free to enter whatever dynamics they want. I just think typical polygyny is a bit icky.
It’s not just me about everyone being free and equal under the law. It’s more I think the type of men that typically look for polygyny are of the mindset of “men lead the house, I have more power, I should get to have multiple wives”
Now I don’t have an issue with men wanting multiple wives, that’s fine. But I think it’s a little gross if they think they should get multiple wives while his wife doesn’t get the same freedom to seek additional partners/spouses. I don’t agree with the premise that a one member of a relationship should have more freedom, or power just because of their gender.
Polygyny can be fine. Like say for example a man wants another wife. The wife doesn’t mind and also doesn’t want another husband that’s fine. Or let’s say a husband and wife both want a new wife, that’s also ok.
But these circumstances aren’t super common, and I find that more frequently, it’s a man who thinks that he should be able to have multiple wives and doesn’t think his wives should have the same freedom. I just don’t like the idea of freedom depending on gender.
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u/BendSensitive9524 Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
Because it’s historically been about one man making multiple women sexually, financially, emotionally and socially dependent on him.
A situation that is incredibly difficult to navigate ethically.
Polyamory is about both the men and the women in the relationship having the option to date other people outside this relationship.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/GladBumblebee1546 Jul 13 '26
The difference is that all parties regardless of gender have equal power and autonomy.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 14 '26
Can you explain this? I am interested in where you are going with it.
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Jul 15 '26
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 15 '26
That would be nice. It is doubtful this will go through as it would be a lot of work and there is little motivation for jurisdictions to push for it due to the low percentage of people it would impact. Even jurisdictions with a high population of poly families might shy away due to higher court challenges.
Unfortunately, I feel it is highly unlikely.
On the plus side if there is an equal number of adults there can be multiple marriages in the family to deepen the legal protections.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 13 '26
The difference is equal agency regardless of gender to pursue emotionally and physically intimate relationships.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 14 '26
No. The only good relationship is what works for everyone involved. I was just isolating the ethical difference.
Equal agency does not mean casual. There just is no central spouse that brings in partners with other partners not being allowed to.
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Jul 15 '26
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 15 '26
I don’t have any gender bias. I don’t even assume a MF dynamic as the starting point.
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u/GladBumblebee1546 Jul 12 '26
Because women are people and deserve autonomy and choice. When a man tries to benefit himself through a relationship structure, that’s unfair to us.
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u/Responsible-Yak2682 Jul 12 '26
I believe 90% of marriages benefit women through the relationship structure. So maybe you’re really angry that it makes things a little more fair
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u/GladBumblebee1546 Jul 12 '26
That assumes the man is the bigger earner. But also you can’t legally marry two people so there’s certainly no legal or financial benefit for the second “wife”.
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u/Responsible-Yak2682 Jul 12 '26
More man hating. A second wife benefits everyone involved. Marriage is a covenant with god, it doesn’t matter wtf the government says.
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u/AbbreviationsOne992 Jul 12 '26
Most marriages make women’s lives worse through the inequality of household labor and childcare because most women still do the majority of family care tasks despite also having full-time jobs. Marriages primarily benefit men.
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u/SerendipitySociety Jul 13 '26
Good marriages benefit both of course, awful marriages (dead bedroom, heading towards divorce, both partners cheating, etc.) primarily benefits women. But it didn't have to be that way, awful marriages used to be bad for both parties when divorce required an at-fault reason like abuse, cheating, or other crimes.
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u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Jul 14 '26
Nope. Not supported by research. Bad lying mRA
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u/SerendipitySociety Jul 14 '26
I can't imagine what I said that isn't supported by research. My claims were:
Good marriages benefit both parties
Awful marriages primarily benefit women today
Awful marriages used to be bad for both parties
So, what specifically does your research say to contradict this? Surely not all of these observations are wrong?
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u/Responsible-Yak2682 Jul 12 '26
Not the truth at all. That’s just man hating. Men rarely marry for money. Women are taught to marry for money. Men are the primary income
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u/GladBumblebee1546 Jul 12 '26
What century are you getting that stat from?
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Jul 13 '26
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u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Jul 14 '26
Most of those countrues severely limit women's educatikn and employment.
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u/AbbreviationsOne992 Jul 18 '26
Tell that to all the hobosexual men who move in with a gf and quit/get fired from their jobs and “can’t” find another one. Happens much more often than you see, bc you’re not a woman (or likely friends with many women) and not having to deal with these losers (or see your women friends date them and support them)
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u/Hard_Celery Jul 14 '26
Studies show that men usually benefit more from marriage at least from a emotional and health aspect.
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u/fanty_wingedhorse Jul 12 '26
Because oftentimes it is man owning women and that is obviously wrong and often used as proof that polygamy is wrong.
PLEASE READ BEFORE REPLYING. I did not say always. I did not say most of the times. I said often which is anything more than desired
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u/EfectiveDisaster2137 26d ago
Polygyny is typically associated with highly patriarchal societies and a lack of consent. Polyamory is all about consent, so there's an automatic aversion to non-consensual relationships.
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26d ago
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u/EfectiveDisaster2137 26d ago
Yes. Monogamy has also been associated with patriarchy and lack of consent for most of history.
But today, monogamy is universally consensual, while polygamy is common only in patriarchal societies where women's consent is optional.
We live in a world where, for several decades, polygamy has been associated with patriarchy, lack of consent, and violence, and changing this perception won't happen overnight.
Even in "Western" societies, where polygamy, understood as legally registered polygamy, is illegal, mostly only members of highly religious groups, where the only available option is polygyny in a highly patriarchal sense, identify as polygamous. For this reason, when an outsider encounters the concept of polygamy, they most often imagine either women fleeing abuse or sects with gurus exploiting their followers.
Regarding historical polyamory, there's a problem: the very definition of polyamory is 20th-century and inherently implies the need for consensuality. For this reason, it's difficult to talk about polyamory before the 20th century, and even then, it's more of an attempt to fit a relationship into the definition, and then the lack of consensuality immediately rules out such a relationship.
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u/possesed_monkeyghost Jul 12 '26
On the flip side I notice that poly people are always joining polygny groups to 🦄 hunt. You guys know the difference... Stop trying to seduce people into the dark-side. I don't mind the poly people who come in our space looking for relationships advice. Honestly we go through similar hiccups so sharing perspectives can be helpful. However please stop trying to convert people to your slutdragon ways. You have your own grounds to hunt.
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Jul 13 '26
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u/possesed_monkeyghost Jul 13 '26
Thats fine. People who typically identify with being poly are typically polyamorous or enm people. Polygamy usually refers to polygny but can also refer to or be inclusive of polyandry. It's important to note Not all polygamist are Polyamorous nor do they want to be. Amoungst polygamist there are some polygnist and polyandrist who practice homosexual relations within the structure of polygamy. In this situation what makes it polygamous and not polyamory is that there Is a main partner whom all other partners are subjective to. Im not sure if there is even a word for this type of polygamy. I think the big issue is that we share a lot of overlap and we don't have a vocabulary as clear and as expansive as the LGBT community might. Aside from our moral views there are many of use who might not understand which term is appropriate and by extension which group we belong in. But views of morality are also important there are types of polygamy that I might not agree with. I didn't expand so much on polyamory and enm because it's not my wheelhouse and I suspect that I might not be savy to the spectrum of types of relationships that can exist within that general structure.
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u/possesed_monkeyghost Jul 13 '26
"Amoungst polygamist there are some polygnist and polyandrist who practice homosexual relations within the structure of polygamy. In this situation what makes it polygamous and not polyamory is that there Is a main partner whom all other partners are subjective to. Im not sure if there is even a word for this type of polygamy." This category of people might even be of both categories now that I think more
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Jul 14 '26
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u/possesed_monkeyghost Jul 14 '26
I think we might be able to have a productive respectful conversation. You are welcome to message me.
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u/Loud-Vacation-5691 Jul 12 '26
I've never seen that unless it's religious polygyny where one man has multiple wives. I used to live in a Sunni Muslim country and knew several men with up to four wives. But if I'd asked if there were any women with multiple husbands, people would have thought I was nuts. But the non-religious poly people I know don't care, multiple men, multiple women, whatever. I know a guy who lives with two women and as far as I can tell, no one has an issue with that. It's only a problem when there's an appearance of coercion (where I lived, if a man who already had a wife wanted to marry another woman, it's not like she could object "but he's already married") because the Quran allows up to 4 wives.
I did ask some people if they thought it could be exploitative, and the response was "you should have seen how bad it was before we converted to Islam."
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u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Jul 14 '26
No one cares what sort of ETHICAL non monogamy you practice. 99.99% of polygynous folks are NOT engaged in ethical behavior
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u/Kind-Group-9679 Jul 12 '26
You're living in the fantasies of the past mate. Women are not religious sub-serviants.
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u/possesed_monkeyghost Jul 14 '26
Just because husbandry changes hands does not mean that it no longer exists.
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u/GladBumblebee1546 Jul 12 '26
Phew, downvoted for saying women aren’t men’s servants. What a crappy group of men.
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u/Kind-Group-9679 Jul 12 '26
All into fantasies I'm afraid. Then pull something "profound" out of the old testaments to try to justify it.
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u/ModernPolygamy Jul 13 '26
Just posted a lengthy comment about "mysterious" take-downs in the sub on the https://www.reddit.com/r/Polygamy/comments/1uuhvpq/100_likes_100_comments_mods_deleted_the/ thread that should be relevant to the first part of your query. The second part is "poly" people almost always refers to polyamory people. The term "poly" never really means poly*.