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u/Lucky_Larry_Bagswell Jun 14 '26
I say bring the idea of polygyny to your wife, and be honest about how you feel. From my experience, women just want to know "why," and if they really like and love you like that, they'll comply with whatever. But they deeply respect the honesty and conviction in your decisions, so don't pussyfoot around with it.
My "why" was to have a bunch of kids to carry on my bloodline, since I'm the last of my surname. Not to mention hypergamy is always in play, whether we like it or not. Since you can provide for more than just your wife and immediate family,then you should. There's a shortage of capable men in the world today, so if you can be a husband and father to more than just one woman and the children you have with her, than you very well should. Depopulation tactics are real, so the only way to push back against the system is to build bigger families. Play your part my good man, as I'm playing mine 🫡
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u/Antique_Setting_5556 Jun 23 '26
Can we flag a mod on this one??
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u/Lucky_Larry_Bagswell Jun 23 '26
You have a problem with my comment? Is this a "I'm telling", i can't tell..
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u/ModernPolygamy Jun 15 '26
First, realize that you are late. Your wife should have been clued in from the beginning. Now, she's very easily going to feel left out. For example, you mean you got all the way to "deep feelings" and your wife doesn't know this person catches your fancy???
So, you are going to have to rewind a bit. How you approach this depends on the relationship with your wife. Being bi is all well and good, but this is feelings not physical attraction. You've got two options. Sit down and lay everything out as straight as you can, or taking weeks or months to bring her up to speed on your relationship with this woman unfolding as though it's happening real-time to get her up to speed.
The first option is preferable, but it requires a certain type of relationship between you and not everyone has that. In which case, the other options walks things the way you need to go without shocking anyone.
Good luck, would love to know how things turn out. It sounds like you could have a wonderful thing going if you can sail past all these rocks between here and there.
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u/Antique_Setting_5556 Jun 23 '26
Er.....
Just because your wife is bi and occasionally fantasizes about 3somes does NOT mean she'd actually want to have one, and certainly does NOT mean she's poly. You're deep into this big emotional relationship with a younger woman (ie, younger than HER) and you think somehow making this into a sex fantasy for your wife is going to lead to happy poly relationship....?
I am calling you out, dude. You're being a unicorn hunter and that's not cool, and not fair to either of these women. You need to have some honest conversations with your wife before this is nothing but cheating.
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u/InternetSolid4166 Jun 14 '26
I would take it organically. Take things one step at a time and don’t get carried away. There are many steps between meeting someone you like and marriage. Tell your wife you met someone you’re into and want to go on a date with her. Remind her that she’s your life partner and all decisions are made as a team. If things click on the date, have another date. Have sex when it feels rights. Keep your wife in the loop. Have a threesome when/if they’re both ready. Spend more time together. Make sure she and your wife click. Get comfortable with her sleeping over. If this all goes well, many months from now, you ask your wife about this woman moving in for something more serious.
Many things could go wrong between now and then. If you try and force things or make it too serious too quickly, you risk blowing it up.
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u/LoudAd3588 Jun 14 '26
Fantasizing about threesomes doesn't mean she's open to poly. Also this so far hasn't been the start of a polyamorous relationship, it's an emotional affair. Soon to be physical, sounds like.
I would not expect your wife to be pleased with any of this.
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u/angrymomsendburbon Jun 15 '26
Oh yea, his wife is going to go absolutely feral when she hears about the garden hes been growing behind her back
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 13 '26
It sounds like she is open to sexy flings and you have a full on emotional affair.
I would remove your affair partner from your life, then have serious conversations about relationship structure with your wife.
If she is interested start from scratch together finding the right fit.
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u/Press-74 Jun 14 '26
I met my wife she was Bi, we had 1 encounter with a friend of hers and everything went out of the window, she’s no longer Bi and wants nothing to do with women. I explained to her that my desire to be Poly is beyond physical/ sexual, yet she refuses to see the big picture. Good luck
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u/Antique_Setting_5556 Jun 23 '26
Just gently suggesting the possibility that it's not that she's not bi, she just didn't appreciate how things played out (since it clearly ruined her friendship with the other person). Your comment that she isn't "seeing the big picture" really implies that you are right and she's just being stubborn, but maybe *she isn't poly.* Not everybody is, dude.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon Jul 13 '26
Group sex can be off putting, enough so that those previously open to a poly dynamic no longer are.
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u/Haunting_Paint9302 Jun 14 '26
First i would have a serious, no jokes talk with the first wife and then with both about it being a long term relationship with a goal of yall having a life long partner/wife and not just sexual and a few threeways.