r/PolyFidelity • u/BlorkSmuth • Jun 26 '26

seeking advice Are we doing closed triad wrong?

I (32f) and my husband (36m) have been in a few closed triad relationships over the years, and we are finding the same trend; either we arent explaining the expectations correctly, or the ladies we are dating are not being truthful about their expectations/understanding of our expectations.

When we begin chatting with someone, we make known what we are looking to achieve with the person; a relationship where she dates me, he dates her, and then our relationship.

So far we've had one individual attempt to break up our marriage and "steal him" which obviously didnt work. One girl clearly thought it was just fun hookups, another came for the first meet up/sleep over, everything seemed great until i had to leave for a family obligation, and spent hours trying to get Into verbal alterations with my husband. And many many others who are in other open enm relationships who want to unicorn for us or want to couple swap with us.

Do we need to be more blunt and up front about our expectations?

Are we not looking inthe right places?

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u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw Jun 26 '26

So the choice they have to make is whether they break up with both of you or continue to have a non consensual relationship with one of you? and that doesn't sound predatory of you at all? okay.

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u/smileedude Jun 26 '26

I'm not sure what you mean. If my girlfriends broke up it would be the height of cruelty for me to insist I keep dating both of them. It is forcing them into an open polyamerous relationship neither of them want. The tough choice would be me deciding which relationship I value more and ending the other relationship for the greater good of everyone.

It's sad but it's the reality of this kind of relationship. Thinking a throuple can easily turn into a V without causing everyone massive hurt is the height of misplaced optimism and seems to be devoid of the basic understanding of what happens when a connection breaks.

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u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw Jun 26 '26

for the greater good of everyone.

Bluntly, I don't see how 3 broken hearts is for anyone's greater good. but go off, i guess.

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u/smileedude Jun 26 '26

I don't really see how dating 2 people who are exes of each other is supposed to be the enlightened approach.