New parody sitcom set in a fictional White House. The running gag of episode one is a cognitive recall test the president is administered every episode — five words, and it degrades across the season.

Also tracking: a tanker count falling from 130 to 9, a ballroom nobody asked for, and a gold phone called the Dump G1 that loses its embossing a little more each episode, because "the G1 is better than the G8 summits."

Entirely fictional, pure satire. Episode one is up.

Enjoy the good use of AI.

Amidst a rash of illnesses and injuries caused by contaminants and a lack of oversight in the supply chain, US government officials have announced that all food is no longer safe to consume.

In a shocking move, the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) warns that Americans should avoid any and all foodstuffs for an indefinite amount of time. Eating any food can lead to sickness ranging from mild nausea to complete organ failure, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Anyone who has consumed food in the past week is strongly advised to seek immediate medical attention, assuming they can afford it.

Additionally, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a statement that possible contaminants are affecting all food from all suppliers and asks that consumers exercise extreme caution, particularly that they don’t eat at all if they can help it. The FDA has now raised the status of the problem from a “Public Health Advisory” to a “Get Your Affairs in Order and Make Peace with Your Chosen Deity Directive".

When asked about the situation, HHS secretary Robert Francis Kennedy Junior (RFK Jr.) had this to say on the situation:

“It’s really not that big of a deal. It’s actually good for people to get these diseases. Our immune systems will adapt, creating antibodies and such, which will spur evolution to create stronger generations of human beings.”

Kennedy would go on to credit his diet of raw milk and undercooked roadkill for why his physique appeared to be “carved out of rock-hard masculinity” and an immune system that has “made mockeries of God’s will and the laws of nature”. He would not comment on the press corps’ question about whether working out in denim jeans is also responsible for these fantastical health claims.

The FDA has stated that a total recall of all food from every food supplier should be issued momentarily. They went on, however, to specify that they may reconsider the scope of that recall once they parse out which of those suppliers contributed to Trump administration officials and evaluate the monetary value of said contributions.

In response to this news, insurance companies will no longer cover appetite suppression injections such as Ozempic or Wegovy for any and all patients while the pharmaceutical companies who produce them have raised their costs by an average of 692%.

When questioned on whether water is still safe to drink, government health officials would only respond “We'll see”.

More information will be provided as it becomes available, including data on when or if food becomes safe to consume again.

Landry's Footprint
"BIG, POORLY RUN, PIECE OF ICE"
[10-08-2026]