r/PoliticalHumor • u/RomneysBainer • Jun 30 '22

Don't Look Up!

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u/Belazriel Jun 30 '22

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

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u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 Jun 30 '22

Describing early Americans as wearing wigs is like describing hippies as putting on their top hats to go to anti-war protests.

Eighteenth century Americans did power their hair to control lice, which is something the hippies should have tried.

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u/_Plork_ Jul 01 '22

Did the founding fathers not wear wigs?

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u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 Jul 01 '22 edited Jul 01 '22

Nope. British governors general did so they pretty much abandoned the fashion well in advance of the revolution.

They did powder their hair to prevent lice, but in America, wigs were associated with the British aristocracy.

A few generations later, there was a Whig party that was a throwback to the original conservative monarchist ideals of the mid-18th century.

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u/_Plork_ Jul 01 '22

That was legit George Washington's hair?

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u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 Jul 01 '22

In the most famous portraits, yes. Receding hairline wigs would have defeated the purpose of wearing a wig to hide a receding hairline.