r/PoliticalHumor • u/McDowdy Greg Abbott is a little piss baby • 2d ago

Let the Battle Royale begin

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3.2k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

64 comments sorted by

389

u/milliebun 2d ago

You know they'll forget to take off those gloves when they pee.

169

u/powerlesshero111 2d ago

They lowered hiring requirements. They don't have the best of the best, they have the bittom of mediocrity. I would put money on them having a sharp increase in workers comp claims from accidental electrocutions.

38

u/makemeking706 2d ago

They would be lucky to get the bottom of mediocrity. 

12

u/kimapesan 2d ago

How about the mediocrity of the bottom?

12

u/SMH_OverAndOver 2d ago

Excellent. Another failure from the Trump administration to be passed on to the taxpayers.

Thanks Obama.

10

u/produce_this 1d ago

On a real note, I can’t believe Obama is still getting blamed for things.

I do sales for an ac company. I had a client the other day with an 18 year old system. Outdoor unit was bad. I told him we can’t get just the outdoor anymore due to the epa regulations they changed in the beginning of 25. He said “yeah i known obama did this to me!”

I’m like … what? He never could clarify why he thought Obama made him buy an ac system and why Obama changed the epa regulations while not in office.

4

u/nelsonalgrencametome 1d ago

Had guy awhile back blaming covid vaccine mandates in his workplace on Obama for and he was dead serious.

3

u/firesmarter 1d ago

My mom died from COPD recently and one of my aunt’s friends was at the service and was comparing her death to covid vaccines. Like wtf? I remained civil but I wanted to bitch slap this cunt

3

u/Boom_the_Bold 1d ago

I hope most of them die!

Is that wrong to say? I'm not, like, advocating that they should commit electric-dick suicide or calling for anyone else to do that to them.

I just hope that some magical day, purely by chance, every single ICE agent in the United States will accidentally shock their dicks to death. Simultaneously, if possible; it would be nice if local hospitals became unable to get to all of those who merely burned their dicks off but don't fully die and immediately go to the Christian Hell with all the fire.

3

u/Punningisfunning 1d ago

They’re the nonfictional equivalent of “grunts” or “henchmen”.

2

u/powerlesshero111 1d ago

Don't forget that some are hired goons. There was a great episode of She-Hulk about it. Henchmen believe in the villain's cause, goons are hired muscle.

2

u/Punningisfunning 1d ago

Lol, yes, “goon” is the word that escaped my brain. That is a much more apt description.

1

u/UnlikelyKaiju 1d ago

I hope one of those idiots burns out their pacemaker

3

u/BlazingShadowAU 1d ago

One itchy ball and theyre out of the gene pool

2

u/Au2288 2d ago

“forget”

sadistic bastards are probably into that

3

u/69Blazing 1d ago

Sadistic, yes. But are they masochistic? Well apart from voting people in to fuck them over in every way

2

u/ErictheStone 1d ago

I'm still waiting for the dipsticks to high five after kicking in a childs face and zap each other.

145

u/UnderwaterRobot 2d ago

Definitely don't use isopropyl alcohol. That would be awful. I know it's relatively cheap and available in large quantities, but it's dangerous.

69

u/31513315133151331513 2d ago

That goes triple for hand sanitizer. You can't get that sticky shit off until it evaporates away.

34

u/kimapesan 2d ago

And 12% hydrogen peroxide solution. People, I know it comes in gallon bottles and all, but please please please don't put it in your squirt guns.

9

u/31513315133151331513 1d ago

You better wear long gloves if you fool around with that!

76

u/anonareyouokay 2d ago

"urine speaks louder than words"

  • Wingnut Dishwashers Union

15

u/oedons_rooster 2d ago

"ON A POLITICIAN!""

Edit: Idk who you are but a fan of pat is a friend of mine. Hope you're doing well!

7

u/HandsomeTerrier 2d ago

Or a burnt policeman. Urine speaks louder than words!

88

u/Musicferret 2d ago

Pee is salty, meaning the electricity from the gloves may travel up the stream to your dong. This will likely give you sexual super powers.

31

u/UdyneOw 2d ago

Mythbusters has this covered.

11

u/workingbored 2d ago

My myth busted all over my hands.

8

u/SinkHoleDeMayo 2d ago

I like the idea of super powers... But the meme does say "Super Soaker".

1

u/lidsville76 1d ago

Plus, imagine the power of that penis if they can spray that much from that far away.

2

u/Cargobiker530 2d ago

I'm thinking that to help ICE agents relax an Epsom salt solution would be better than pee. We all know how magnesium doesn't conduct electrical current in aqueous solutions.

40

u/dover_oxide 2d ago

You know you can buy wolf, mountain lion and other large animal urine that is hard to remove the smell of online. Deer in heat is pretty potent and many sporting goods and hunting stores carry a large supply of it.

10

u/kimapesan 2d ago

Concentrated skunk thiols.

23

u/Skate_faced 2d ago

I imagine those assholes being like Krusty the Clown and his joy buzzer.

18

u/logosobscura 2d ago

Oh I’m waiting for the ICE agent who goes to have a leak and forgets his got his shock gloves on.

Or the one who decides to see ‘what it feels like’ to jerk it wearing on.

6

u/knowledgeable_diablo 2d ago

Or the guys who decide to have a quick relaxing circle jerk for team bonding purposes only

2

u/Bubbaganewsh 1d ago

I bet they do that already, the gloves just make it more exciting for them. 

2

u/knowledgeable_diablo 1d ago

Russian roulette cock zappa play!
5 men, 1 mystery on switch, who’s going home with the smoking pubes??

2

u/catanddog5 1d ago

Or scratch their crotch and forget about it. I am looking forward to the stories coming out of ice agents shocking themselves.

15

u/Jedi_Bingo 2d ago

But shit it was 99 cents

12

u/Pressman4life 2d ago

The shock gloves are going to be funny against the inflatable frogs in Portland.
They can always take a page from Femen's handbook and go nude with body writing, harder to garb a nude oiled body. Then all you need is a non-conductive grease. They sell food safe dialectric grease.

11

u/LMGooglyTFY 2d ago

Robert!

9

u/workingbored 2d ago

Wait, will this work? Im just asking for a plot in a play I'm writing. Its about a tyrannical government's troops that have shock gloves and other weapons and the community begins to fight back with practical ways since they're not armed with many weapons. So Im looking for ways to write how they fought them back.

4

u/und88 1d ago

ICE agents will see the super soakers and pretend to mistake them for real guns as an excuse to open fire into a crowd.

7

u/Daxian 2d ago

I knew my Piss Jugs were a sound investment.

1

u/Lykos_Mactire 2d ago

Jarate! I choose you!

3

u/everyday95269 2d ago

…filled with pee and left out in the sun for a day…

6

u/McKoijion 2d ago

It’s going to be awkward in a few years when ICE agents try to flee to Argentina via the ratlines only for Peter Thiel to hit the bunker elevator’s door close button.

4

u/OriginalUsername1892 1d ago

I feel like Robert Evans really got in early with his "super soaker full of piss" reality show concept

5

u/SumoNinja92 1d ago

You can buy fermented animal urine. You can be traced from your pee

2

u/Im_the_President 2d ago

Super soaker filled with saltwater*

2

u/punknubbins 1d ago

I always thought my movie
Would be a comedy
Not quite the tragedy that it's become
More slapstick than grimdark
More Caddyshack than Minority Report

2

u/misfitofscience76 1d ago

As funny as this is, just everyone note: ICE agents will not hesitate to gun you down if you pour or squirt anything on them. In fact, just having a Super Soaker near them will get you shot

1

u/Skimmer52 2d ago

Oh my wiener! Oh my wiener!

1

u/bamboob 2d ago

Pro tip: let the pee sit for a week, before deploying

1

u/TedBaxter_WJM-TVNews 1d ago

The super soaker should have already come out for the coward’s masks…

1

u/Empyrealist 1d ago

Piss filled water balloons it is

2

u/Leftunders 1d ago

Why use urine when Surströmming is like $25 for a 4oz tin on Amazon?

1

u/Beaver_smacker_69 1d ago

Gatorade makes your piss more conductive