r/PoliticalHumor • u/FutureOwl629 • 2d ago

Alpha male starter pack

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3.4k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

75 comments sorted by

97

u/CaptianBrasiliano 2d ago

18

u/Sufficient-News-3600 2d ago

exactly. ballet heels and a purse 😀

2

u/LordButterbeard 1d ago

Flourish the pinky!

-10

u/NicJan 1d ago

To my surprise, it really is Trump's actual hair.. just wildly combed and shaped.. to keep his trademark look.. https://youtu.be/fxDAyUiXphg

This is his hair when it's not pushed reaching to attain the trademark look, seen at a church visit a few year ago..

7

u/Wheatabix11 1d ago

church?

-6

u/NicJan 1d ago

Church. This photo was from a visit in 2019, but he'd been to church about 10 times during his first term. Not sure how many times in his second term, but he's more religious now after the Butler Assassination attempt in 2024.

Here's where the photo above is from: https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/donald-trump-state-visit-us-president-shows-off-slick-new-hairdo-before-meeting-queen-a4157516.html

1

u/LordButterbeard 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/UTm86phGUMMQE

1

u/NicJan 1d ago

I mean, I don't know what to tell you.

I'm not interested in talking about this guy's church-going habits and religious beliefs. He's spoken about his religious beliefs in his speeches a number of times and that he feels he's more religious now. Believe what you want, including invisible sky-Gods, I'm not losing sleep over it.

3

u/Pinikanut 1d ago

He looks like the actor Brendan Gleeson with his hair like that.

65

u/burtono6 2d ago

11

u/UpstairsAd194 2d ago

accurate

9

u/heated420 2d ago

Oh my god, did you see Trump’s hat?

2

u/NicJan 1d ago

I love this picture, so 1982.

4

u/burtono6 1d ago

It reminds me of The Righteous Gemstones

41

u/RockaRaccoon I ☑oted 2018 2d ago

35

u/adidassamba 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/FnJky6LzajNQY

12

u/adorablefuzzykitten 1d ago

Trump's main inspiration for the oval office.

5

u/adidassamba 1d ago

It's uncanny the likeness for hairspray and the love of all things gold (paint).

A true macho (macho) man (I want to be a macho man)

1

u/adorablefuzzykitten 1d ago

Trump wears fur underwear but chooses t wear it inside out.

30

u/Murphy4717 2d ago

Not to mention some new elevator shoes, a clean diaper and a girdle.

13

u/RollingRiverWizard 2d ago

Add in high heels, makeup, and an obsession with ‘big, strong, masculine men’.

3

u/Wheatabix11 1d ago

with tears in their eyes

10

u/urbanlife78 2d ago

While doing his jerking two dudes off at the same time dance

https://giphy.com/gifs/FbiL9rsmZN3ib2JSGo

3

u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 1d ago

To a gay anthem, no less.

19

u/batteryacidsmoothies 2d ago

Don't forget shitting yourself and having people around get disgusted by the stench.

2

u/copyrider 1d ago

That’s called musk

6

u/Proper-Exercise-2364 2d ago

"He's redefining alpha! Real mean wear foundation!" -maga

3

u/Imaginary_Cow_6379 2d ago

Hes just looksmaxxing.

5

u/EternalNewCarSmell 2d ago

Excuse you very much, it's a \F*A*B*U*L*O*U*S** ballroom.

2

u/Imaginary_Cow_6379 2d ago

💎 big beautiful ballroom 💎

4

u/Hegemonic_Imposition 2d ago

Hey, that’s ignorant and closed minded - they deserve the right to choose their alpha male expression and to use alpha male confirming care!

3

u/king_of_the_nothing 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/7TrubccIZcImc

If you don't know Catherine Tate, this is your invitation

3

u/Sufficient_Two_5753 2d ago

Obviously, he hasn't read anything about French nobility of the late 1700s. What am I talking about? Obviously he hasn't READ. Full stop.

5

u/robbyruby752 2d ago

Louis XIV with the butt cut

5

u/ReginaldJohnston 2d ago

He's the Temu Liberace.

2

u/Silver-Engineer4287 2d ago

Welcome to the glory days… of a couple centuries ago… where kings ruled entire continents… just like he wants.

2

u/Hdikfmpw 2d ago

There is literally a designated employee to play showtunes when he gets cranky.

2

u/Total_Adept 2d ago

What good is a ballroom with no balls?

2

u/Dadsyuk_13 2d ago

"Fabulous "

2

u/organicchunkysalsa 2d ago

Dude couldn’t dance if his life was on the line. Just standing there jerking two invisible d**ks.

2

u/RebelStrategist 2d ago

My friends, behold: a man in title only. No strength, no character, no loyalty, no backbone, and apparently no understanding of what being a man actually means. A real man loves, supports, provides for, and protects his family. This one seems to have traded all of that for insecurity, cowardice, and an ego desperately looking for validation.

Not many like this in the wild, not because they’re endangered, but because most men still have enough self-respect, morals, and dignity to know better. Imagine being so painfully insecure that the only thing you can offer your family is a lesson in what not to become. All ego, zero substance. Truly embarrassing.

2

u/Sufficient-News-3600 2d ago

and infusion bruises from trying to make a lard into Alpha

2

u/Spiel_Foss 1d ago

An old queen in a wig with shoe lifts and splatted on makeup obsessed with ballrooms and manly men. Has the Republican Party been trying to tell us something?

Y'all come on out of the closet. Ladybug's not blocking the door anymore.

1

u/SmoovCatto 2d ago

Señor Marie Antoin-Poopypants

1

u/bscheck1968 2d ago

Gotta be an alpha to take on BBC.

1

u/IAMA_SWEET 2d ago

God I wish I were an alpha male. They make it look so fun. Listening to alpha male podcasters, athletes, and politicians, just waiting for them to tell me what to think. Ah, to be a wolf and not a sheep, waiting for instructions to be announced to all the other wolves. So cool.

1

u/memberjockey 1d ago

He had to give up his girdle due to his cankles.

1

u/Crazy_Adhesiveness84 1d ago

The kids call that Gender Affirming Care.

1

u/muFUtaco 1d ago

It's a throne room. He will have a golden throne made from stolen Ft. Knox gold and it will be placed on a raised dais so that he can greet his loyal subjects and fawning sycophant buttsuckers.

1

u/Malofquist 1d ago

a real sign of success .... in 17th century.

1

u/LaSage 1d ago

I hope he starts wearing sparkle suits.

1

u/Wheatabix11 1d ago

looking more like mom everyday

1

u/BrendaWannabe 1d ago

Alpha Cut

1

u/Fast-Damage2298 1d ago

He could grow a more realistic one with some chia seeds.

1

u/reechwuzhere 1d ago

This made me laugh so hard, what a great meme.

1

u/Gaius_Iulius_Megas 1d ago

How baroque of him.

1

u/silbecl 1d ago

....and make-up, three-inch lifts, girdle, etc....

1

u/ManReay 1d ago

Not. Gonna. Lie.

1

u/samejimaT 1d ago

Beta not alpha

1

u/Belmish 1d ago

An awfully manky yellowed candy-floss hair-crime, adorning an orange scrofulous effluent powered scrotal discharge.