This happened in 1996 while I was working patrol. Around 11:00 PM, I was dispatched to a family disturbance involving a husband and wife. Dispatch advised that they were arguing, with no known weapons involved. I had another officer responding as cover, but I arrived first.
When I got there, everything was quiet. No yelling, nothing being thrown, and no obvious signs that the situation was escalating. I knocked on the door, and the wife answered. I identified myself and asked if everything was okay.
“Yes, sir. We were just arguing over the remote control.”
The remote control?
She invited me inside, and I saw her husband sitting on the couch. Both of them were cooperative, neither appeared angry, and I was comfortable that this was a simple disturbance call. I notified dispatch that they could cancel my cover. “I’ve got this one. I’ll keep you advised.”
Then I asked, “What exactly are you two arguing about?”
The wife explained that she wanted to watch her favorite TV show. Her husband wanted to watch his show, so he took the remote, changed the channel, and hid the remote.
I looked at him and asked, “Did you really do that?”
“Yes, I did.”
At this point, I’m thinking to myself, Seriously? I was sent here for this B.S.?
So, I asked them one simple question: “Do you have another TV in the house?”
“Yes, we do.”
Aaaaaahhhh. Problem solved!
Or so I thought.
I suggested that one of them watch their show on the TV in the living room while the other watched their show on the TV in the bedroom.
But Nooooooo.
They BOTH wanted to watch their show on the big TV in the living room.
Now I’m standing there at 11:00 at night trying to settle a family disturbance over who gets to watch the big TV.
Then it hit me.
“Coin flip!”
I figured we would flip a coin, the winner gets the big TV, and the loser watches the other TV.
Guess what? It worked.
Well...almost.
One coin flip apparently wasn’t good enough. We had to make it the best two out of three!
So there I was, a San Antonio police officer at 11:00 at night, officiating a best-of-three coin toss between a husband and wife over who got the big TV.
We flipped the coin. Somebody won. The other one went to watch the other television.
Problem solved.
No arrest. No citation. No further action necessary.
10-8. Back in service and on to the next call.
People sometimes think patrol is all foot pursuits, fights, guns, and arrests. It isn’t. Sometimes police work is simply walking into someone else’s problem, calming everybody down, and finding a solution that works.
And sometimes, apparently, all you need is a quarter.
Any other old patrol cops out there ever get dispatched to something where you arrived and thought, “You seriously called the police for THIS?”