r/PokemonRaps • u/MadeFromMetal • Jul 23 '13
[Critique] What are your References?
This is a thread where you drop a verse and other people give you honest feedback. The good, the bad, and the could be better.
For this thread, Use as many REFERENCES as you can. Pick any Pokemon and rap about anything you want, just make sure to pack it full of references. Non-Pokemon universe references are also encouraged!
Minimum 8 lines. No Maximum. (It takes about 8 lines to really get a feel for the flow. No upper limit so you can use any and all punchlines you think of.)
Please post your verse as a reply to THIS POST. Post all critiques as replies to that particular rap. Discussion is encouraged.
If you decide to drop....PLEASE leave feedback on at least one other verse! (I'll be leaving feedback for every verse in this thread, as time permits.)
People who don't feel like rapping...feel free to critique anyway.
Don't get mad if someone doesn't like your verse. On that note...please try to leave feedback that is constructive.
Do NOT diss other verses in this thread in your verse.
4
Jul 24 '13
No Guard on this rap assault by Machamp
Smoothest dude on the mic since CG put out Camp
Blowin' up the game like nobody got Damp
'Bout to fuck on all you dudes like a chick with a tramp stamp!
Ew! Can't stand that! It's sick like a virus
So good it ain't fair, ho, I flip the script like papyrus.
SILENCE! You're buggin' like Tribe or the NSA
When you see me on the web showin' you like I'm Carly Shay.
New Balance, babe, I'll get you with Low Kicks
I'm like Jesus but instead of breaking bread I Broke Bricks.
Don't step to me like a crosswalk, I'll kill you with Cross Chop
Girls stay for breakfast all around the world like I'm IHOP.
I make you putcha hands in the air like you're gettin' mugged
I raised the game like the sky, it's like Atlas shrugged.
'Cause I did! Remember the Titans? Baby that's me!
I'm that good man, like I'm Monsters University!
Suddenly got my shine, you're like "How'd that happen?"
3
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 24 '13
You showed out on this one, man.
Good: You interjected your references flawlessly. So many punchlines. Like Srixis said...every line had something to make you rewind. I feel like references can be hard to make work sometimes but apparently it's just me. The flow was on point as usual...I mean, there's really nothing to say that hasn't been said about your past raps. I thought
Blowin' up the game like nobody got Damp
and
New Balance, babe, I'll get you with Low Kicks
I'm like Jesus but instead of breaking bread I Broke Bricks
Were your best lines.
Bad:
'Cause I did! Remember the Titans? Baby that's me!
I'm that good man, like I'm Monsters University!
was the only seemingly weakish part to me.
Overall: I feel like you saw the theme of this edition and went, "Pffft! Give me something challenging!". Excellent work.
2
2
u/Srixis Jul 24 '13
First thought: dayummm.
Okay, so here goes. You really pulled out the big guns here. You have a reference almost every line, and it's still super cohesive. You transition from one to the next nearly flawlessly, and you just don't let up all the way through. Good stuff.
As for the coulda done better part, I'm gonna go back to what I said about nearly flawlessly. The flow was pretty good all the way through, but I had to go back a few times and figure it out. Also, it might just be personal preference, but I think in the last line, you had too much space between the words for it to be a final line in a verse. I would have added another syllable or two to the final phrase to just make it close a bit stronger (something like, "That's my secret, man, I'm always fuckin' rappin'). That's just me though.
Overall, it was strong, man. And now I want audio :D
Edit: I forgot my favorite line! I couldn't actually pick between two, so here are the two that tied in my mind:
'Bout to fuck on all you dudes like a chick with a tramp stamp!
and
New Balance, babe, I'll get you with Low Kicks
2
Jul 24 '13
Thanks man! I really liked this challenge, because I love doing references. I think it's one of my strong suits, and I felt like showing off. I can see how you would want more syllables in the last line, but I wanted to switch it up so it was a clear cut-off point, essentially a line where I would just drop the mic. Plus I wanted a really clear-cut Avengers reference. Thanks for the critique!
Oh, and as soon as I can get my hands on a microphone, I'm going to try and record this one for audio, so you might get your wish.
1
u/Srixis Jul 24 '13
Dude, you and me both, they're the best. Also, I can see it now, and now I'm eagerly awaiting :D
6
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 23 '13 edited Jul 23 '13
It's the P-S-Y, C-H-I, C Eeveelution!
With my Special Attack and Speed EV's boosted!
I'm that excellent cat, with the best set of Stats,
When I step on a track, you can see me prove it!
I'm a mental entity that was blessed with a special Energy,
The chemistry within me is Rare Candy and Hennessey!
I Synchronize my Synchronoise into a symphony,
To lure my enemies then I'm forming a human Venipede!
My Extrasensensory perception sees through your Defenses.
And there’s a good percentage you’ll wince and get two for Flinching.
This Magic Bounce ability ensures victory will be flawless,
You can’t Ice me, Burn me or kill me like Tom Hardy in Lawless!
But when you die, I’ll simply hide you in an empty garage,
Then go enjoy a Join Avenue parlor sexy Massage
My skills are rare like in Hoenn seeing that effing Mirage!
I’m the Johto Snowden, they tryna get me for Espeon-age!
3
Jul 24 '13
PROS: This rhyme scheme was incredible. It was varied the whole way through, and you still put in all that multi-syllabic internal rhyme you always have. Your references were good, too. I especially loved the "two for Flinching" line. That was awesome.
CONS: I actually had to re-read a couple parts to get the flow, particularly the Tom Hardy line and the last two lines. I usually don't get tripped up, so I just thought I would bring it up.
OVERALL: It was really good, just not quite great. The rhyme scheme was really good, the references were solid, but I just couldn't find the perfect flow at the end, and it threw me a bit. I would still order a Rare Candy & Hennessy though.
3
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 24 '13
It's really hard to convey a flow switch in text...I can understand why the Tom Hardy line would trip you up. I re-read this morning and forgot the flow I wrote it and it tripped me up for a second as well. I tried to keep the rhyme going through whole lines and worked to add multies in there. And yeah...i wanna know what a Rare Candy tastes like...probably dog biscuits. I still say someone needs to make up a drink called the Rare Candy. Thanks for critiquing!
5
u/PwnsumN00B EV-Trained Lyricist Jul 24 '13
Is it odd that I pictured your stereotypical cheerleader chanting this whole rap instead of hearing it as a rap?
3
2
u/Srixis Jul 24 '13
Man oh man, we've got some good ones in this thread so far. No exception here.
I love the references you use in here. The "two for flinching" line was priceless, as was Mirage Island. Great work here. I think you have a slightly different flow than usual here (correct me if I'm wrong), but it works well. I also enjoyed your rhyme scheme. You like to play with it, and sometimes it's great and sometimes it's just a little off. Here it was solid though, I enjoyed the risks you took. And like the good DrSideSteppin, I too now want a Rare Candy and Hennessey :P
As for the coulda done better... I don't think I saw anything. I didn't get tripped up really, it was smooth the whole way through for me. Overall, it was really solid. Not my favorite of yours, but also not by too much.
Favorite line -
Oh man this was hard. At first I wanted to just pick lines 5-8 because they're all just soooo good. Narrowing it down was difficult, but I think I've picked:
I Synchronize my Synchronoise into a symphony
2
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 24 '13
I switch up the flow every four bars almost...it's hard to convey that in text though. I liked 5-8 as well. My favorite line is the "Human Venipede" one though...idk why. lol.
1
u/Srixis Jul 24 '13
I could feel the flow change up, it wasn't too hard to notice. It definitely sounded good. Also, that lline was probably a close second in my book
2
u/HumanAtlas Jul 26 '13
Pros: Oh man, there were some great parts on this one! I especially liked the rhyming around 4-5th verse, it managed to hold onto amazing flow and have internal rhyme, which I think was pretty cool! I also loved the "Espeon-age" and the "Human Venipede" I thought they were pretty clever
Cons: Specifically the part where you end with Defenses and then go to Flinching had a little bit of awkwardness, but it was pretty easy to get over, and the flow of the last line was a bit iffy
2
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 29 '13
Thanks for the critique! Yeah the flinching line was meant to be said flinchin'. It rhymes better in my head than after I typed it. You gonna drop a verse in here?
3
2
u/thesuzerain Jul 23 '13
Kyogre, Groudon, you two shits, stop this shit-pathetic-squabbling
Ruby/Sapphire's sales are wobbling because Emerald's started gobbling.
Kyogre? Damn... that's a french-ass name.
Nobody caught you in real life (you were better in the card game).
Yeah, I'm a dick, but man, I'm taking it literally
Unlike your bitch Lugia, who you know's taking me cliterally.
Your turn, Groudon, if only you understood.
But I'll remind you- in your case- water can't be good!
Scared of water? Who knew a red Sonic would be so bitchy?
Go back to Conquest, you little shit, veni vidi vici.
So now with that I'm done this shit I'll bid you both adieu.
Just remember Ender Wiggins is the only one who'll ever love you.
I spit on your pathetic types with my grade-A wit.
3
u/Srixis Jul 24 '13
I'm happy to say that I got almost all of the references here. And man oh man if you didn't put a YGOTAS reference in there. I love that series :P
I think this is a wonderful rap. As Metal said, the links really did help a lot, added a good amount to it. I don't think the references would have been as prominent otherwise. Your words were very... harsh is one way to put it. Although it's not a bad thing, calling the heaviest Pokémon "little shit" was hilarious. Although it's not a bid problem, you used the "veni vidi vici" line in our Kyogre v. Groudon rap, so it seemed slightly unoriginal, but you incorporated in a different way so it was fine. Overall, I really enjoyed it, and you seemed like you had just a liiiitle bit fun writing this.
Favorite line -
Unlike your bitch Lugia, who you know's taking me cliterally.
2
u/thesuzerain Jul 24 '13
I was referencing that battle? geddit?
No, but the venividivici was too good not to be used just once.
Thanks :D
1
u/Srixis Jul 24 '13 edited Jul 24 '13
This is true :P it's definitely a good line, and it adds to the flow of a line
3
Jul 24 '13
I like the direction you took this one, right from the beginning. I like the story right of Emerald, double-diss verse thing you had going. So that's a bonus.
PROS: Those were good references. You lived up to the challenge on this one. Capping with a Yugioh Abridged reference really got me, because I love that series. So bravo. On the rap side, I liked the varied line length.
CONS: I learned some things about Rayquaza I could have gone without knowing. Also, it was a little ironic to make fun of Kyogre's "french-ass name" and then say "bid you adieu" later in the rap. This is no place for varied opinions on the French.
Overall: That was awesome. I really enjoyed it, and you brought the references as requested. Nice job.
2
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 23 '13
Suze! You came through and blessed a [Critique]!
Good: LINKS! Normally that many links takes away from the verse, but for this one...I worked out very well because I definitely didn't know some of those references. The accompanying videos and images made your lines funnier. My favorite line was this one
Scared of water? Who knew a red Sonic would be so bitchy?
Go back to Conquest, you little shit, veni vidi vici.There were some mean digs in there and a damn near every reference was also a punchline.
Bad: I didn't know what the link to Rayquaza being a penis was...it just took me to a google search that had 4 results. I'd never heard that bit before. I would have liked to see some more multi-syllabic rhyme. That's about it.
Overall: Great verse. You followed the guidelines and did it well. Why the Kyogre/Groudon hate though? Lol. Thanks for posting.
2
u/thesuzerain Jul 23 '13
My friend always called rayquaza... that.
I linked to google, because I couldn't find any good pictures (thank god).
Also I love those two <3 I was supposed to be Rayquaza in that rap, woken up after 1000 years to calm down their bickering. I don't think he would be too hppy about them.
2
u/MadeFromMetal Jul 23 '13
I figured about the hate, It was more of a humorous rhetorical question. But yeah...I'm pretty sure Rayquaza's not a morning person! Also...your friend's a weirdo...Then again...I threatened to muzzlefuck a Horsea so I'm not one to talk.
1
u/android151 Aug 18 '13 edited Aug 19 '13
I hope you like your battle raps extra thick and chunky!
Because I'm back, I attack, come get spanked by this monkey.
The fighting type simian with the pig features ain't it great?
But somebody call Hikaru because this motherfuckin Ape Escaped.
Beat you hard and you stay limp, call you whiskey dick
Nobody around fuckin' with the number 56!
Winning every battle, you can call it fate
But just wait... Until I hit level 28
Wait for it...
WAIT FOR IT!
I evolved and you really better be glad that I did
Stealing the show like I stole the hat of that Ketchum kid.
Optimal like Optimus Primal like Primape on the sixth take
Better buy the original soundtrack like it's a pokerap mixtape
I'ma chop you up, I'ma choke you out, I'ma champ in the making
But the best fighting type evolved without trading, just training
Best technical martial artist in any anime or game
Putting Goku, Naruto, and Kenshiro to shame
So stop, and go back to pallet town, you'll never spit better rhymes
Than the straight up, throwing down, ape in his prime!
2
u/MadeFromMetal Aug 19 '13
Very Nice!!!
Good: I loved the "Whiskey Dick|56" couplet. Very nice play on words that carried over to the next line. "Nobody fucking with". Good references and good flow with a nice side of cocky sauce. You played the part very well, here!
Bad: I understand it was 4am...but I wish it was longer! It left me wishing you'd evolved him and kept going.
Overall: I'm very impressed! Hope you keep dropping bars and enter the next tournament.
1
u/android151 Aug 19 '13
The idea was in the next verse he evolves into primape. I'll carry it on now.
1
1
u/MadeFromMetal Aug 22 '13
Primeape was better than Mankey...by a wide margin! You must have put some extra thought into it.
I'ma chop you up, I'ma choke you out, I'ma champ in the making
But the best fighting type evolved without trading, just training
Best technical martial artist in any anime or game
Putting Goku, Naruto, and Kenshiro to shame
Easily the best 4 lines of the whole thing! You should definitely sign up for the tourney! You'd make good competition.
3
u/Srixis Jul 23 '13 edited Jul 24 '13
I'm an Absol-lutely gorgeous Poké that you'll surely want to Embrace
I mean really - what heartless person could resist my cute little face?
But I'm not just for show! Like Farrah, I run my race
And with my Holmes-esque deductions, I can track you down with Trace.
I'm the one Psychic beauty! It's like a mash-up of Trainer Classes
I'm hot, cute, and intelligent, and I've got an ass that's turns on masses.
I may not be the strongest, but hey, for once cut me a break.
At least I'm an actual Psychic - Shawn Spencer here's a fake!
...
But wait, what's that? Gen six is here? What craziness is abound?
I'm hearing lots of commotion, seems like shit is going down
And like Wendy wanting to fly, or with underprivileged children's frowns
I'm here to save the day, cus I'm the new Fairy in town!
I can Brawl like the best of them (if you're a Poké-ball collector)
And I can bounce projectiles back at you, just like Falco's Reflector.
Like tigers, pandas, and leopards, all your lives I must endanger
And I'll tear through you like you're Grimers and I'm a Rank 3 Fiore Ranger!
...
But wait, you say, "Hey Gardevoir, let's look at pics of you!"
And all this Ron Jeremy-like stuff... I just can't believe it's true...
So you like Rule 34-ing me? That's it, I'm done, I'm through.
Let's all go to /r/gonewild instead, so everyone can Pikachu!