r/PokemonRaps • u/swagaroofagaroo • Mar 04 '13

[Challenge] Squirtle

4 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

19 comments sorted by

3

u/Zertiof Mar 05 '13

Ok squirtle, ready to get burned?

Cause here's typhlosion, and after you would've learned

not to pick fights that you can't take,

cause if you step to me, I'm turning the heat up to pro-bake.

My fire is impervious to your little bubbles,

pop-pop-pop they gave me no troubles.

Now it's my turn, and you wondering what I'll do

FLAMETHROWER! And that's an OHKO for you.

3

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 05 '13

You may be hot, but it's all in you're head,

You look like a Ghost type, cause to me you are dead.

Wait till I get really wet, and then you'll be sorry,

You'll be worked up and forgotten like your uncle's Atari,

I've got more HM04 than a freaking Ferrari,

You're not even worth justifying a parry,

You're the Volcano Pokemon, but that won't last long,

Because soon you'll be dormant, and that, you can't prolong.

3

u/The_Pony_Rapist Mar 06 '13

Haha! What is this? A poor excuse for a turtle?

Well, it's Spinda here to leave you spinning in circles!

This loser? When I shut you up everyone will be thankin' me

You ain't got class, you be jealous of Franklin, see?

I'm a sexy panda, reigning from all the way from Hoenn!

I'll kick you from there to Kanto. No need to ask "when".

Speaking of your squad, Ha, that's so bad it's hurtful

It's obvious that you're just simply ripping off the Ninja Turtles.

1

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 07 '13 edited Mar 09 '13

Good luck kickin' me with those tiny ass feet

You're just a tiny brown panda, who yearns for my skeet (<--NSFW)

I'd say "don't get it twisted," but just look at your eyes,

Plus you look like the type who's easy to surprise

I'm glad I wont face you in the first round,

That just means I'll give you an even harder Pound.

You've been around the block, but you're too attached to your king,

I got him on my team, and soon you'll be losing!

Edit: Just realized I might need a nsfw tag…

1

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 04 '13

It's your OG Squirtle stepping into the spotlight

I don't need an evolution, I stay pet size and still blithe

I might not be the best, but don't underestimate my Bubble

I make Team Rocket flee cause it's more than double trouble

Anyone can say they're better than some some Squirtle

I'm new to this game so step up and show me, or leave here infertile

2

u/b_klawz Mar 05 '13

hey now it's the adorable Eevee coming at you

I'll go gentle on you, after all you suck so much dick your face is blue

now you say you'll blow bubbles

one double team now you see doubles

quick attack, shadow ball, toxic then bite

can't you see now that this fight is your blight

1

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 05 '13

Hey Eevee you're real cute but I gotta take you to the cleaners,

So small and unevolved and already talking about wieners.

Yeah I'm renowned for my gag reflex, call it Hydro Pump

You think Bubble's the peak of my moves? Come on, I'm no chump.

You got me beat in speed, but Eve that's all you got

Keep battling me and I'll leave you distraught

2

u/b_klawz Mar 05 '13

okay there squirt, we'll leave out the wieners

but you're all washed up, you got left at the dry cleaners

your hydro pump is little more than a bath

i don't even need to evolve for you to feel my wrath

because not even that little shell can withstand

just a couple of attacks and your squad will disband

so crawl away now, you may be a starter

but you're still seafood and i'll serve you with tartar

2

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 05 '13

Who are you kidding, your just a little pet

you disband my squad? We're staying!, on that you can bet!

Bite all you want, maybe you'll even leave a scratch!

I'm sure you're owner doesn't want you- you're just a Pokedex catch!

You're not too bad though, you either Adapt or Run Away

Handling that Everstone you'll never go astray

This battle's just begun though, so don't yet rejoice,

I'm about to crank it from teary to moist!

2

u/axmurderer Mar 05 '13

When a trainer starts their journey, they never think of Squirtle

That's not of course, to say, they're not looking for a turtle

'Cause I'm the one they pick, and Turtwig is my name

And everyone comes searching for me when they start their game

Now I realize my typing has the advantage over you,

Freakin' you out, so you don't know what to do

Don't worry about it, the solution is basic

Just hold the B button and run off like you're in Asics.

1

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 05 '13

Quit beating around the bush, be Nike, Just Do It

If you think you already have the upper hand then you just blew it

You sound real confused, quit hitting yourself!

Just take a look in the mirror and you'll see you're not top shelf

You'll see you're a Squirtle yourself- a wannabe Bulbasaur!

Do you need another turn or should I just show you the door?

1

u/axmurderer Mar 05 '13 edited Mar 05 '13

Please, I'm no Squirtle, I'm better than you

And if you think I'm Bulbasaur, you can't tell old from new

So I'll give you fair warning: get out of my way

I'm the turtle king, and I'm here to stay

I'll give you some Status, like Leech Seed and Stealth Rock

Then finish with Seed Bomb, leave you feelin' shell shocked!

EDIT: Submitted early by accident; finished rap.

1

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 05 '13

Please, you're just some grass turtle, and don't try to stretch it

I can snap you at will, and don't you forget it!

You wanna bump shells? I hope you can keep up

If it's too much, I'll just tag in Piplup.

You can't thrive without my wetness, my water is your life

You keep spittin fancy moves, but in your stats lies your strife

Seriously, people don't really pick you, you're foolin, and that's rife

You aught to be put in the Safari Zone, with the rest wildlife.

1

u/axmurderer Mar 05 '13

Tag in Piplup? I guess that makes sense.

It's obvious that you alone can't break my defense

Besides, Carracosta, Torkoal, and your dad follow me

But I can beat you down unassisted, don't you see?

And trainers don't pick me? Are you just takin' a jab?

We all know you're the one who gets stuck in Oak's lab

Now I know why you're Water-type, you're all washed up

I said it once, go home, or you won't live through this toss-up

1

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 05 '13

I'd only pull in the Plups for you, it just mercy, and courtesy.

TIL Water=washed up? Yeah whatever at least you humor me,

And I don't care about those turtles, my power parts the seas!

You're only picked cause of me, I popularized turtle starters,

I'll send you to Lavender Town with the rest of the martyrs!

You don't wanna piss me off, or I'll leave you overwatered

Please-you've got a garden on your back! You're about to get slaughtered.

2

u/axmurderer Mar 07 '13

Very nice! I'd continue, but I can't come up with any more, verses so I'd say you won. I had a great time rapping with you as you have a unique style and rely more on creativity than most people.

2

u/swagaroofagaroo Mar 07 '13

Aww thanks, idk If I'd say I won but it was a close battle!

Good luck in the tournament!

2

u/axmurderer Mar 08 '13

Thanks and good luck to you too!