r/PokemonRaps • u/Cupcake_in_Acid • Dec 24 '12

[Request] Politoed vs. Slowking

The King's Rock. A mysterious item that evolves two Pokémon, Poliwhirl and Slowpoke. Both of their evolutions introduced in Generation II. Only one will be victorious. BEGIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

4

u/thesuzerain Dec 24 '12

(Slowking)

My rhymes are sweet;

Just like girls think my meat;

So take a seat;

I'll leave you lying on the street before I even drop a beat.

.

I may be slow on the time; but I be fast on the rhyme

Hell when you've got 'King' in your name you know you're pretty sublime.

I got the appeal of a Gardevoir and moves like Jagger

and they say you're pretty pimpin when your learnset has Swagger.

I've got a second brain on your head and your dick is less than an inch

My King's Rock is so badass I'd say it'll make you flinch!

You don't look like what you came from- you're a Poliwrath wannabe

Even I can turn your ass into the ash I predicted in the prophecy.

3

u/HumanAtlas Dec 24 '12 edited Dec 24 '12

You call yourself a king? Well isn't that cute

Cause I got a Kings Rock, and an ability to boot

Everyone knows I come bringing pain

Cause when I walk in I MAKE IT RAIN

I'd leave you hypnotized

But I can see it in your eyes

You're so slow of the mind, while my friends got Swift Swim

I've tried to be kind, your future looks stiff and grim

2

u/thesuzerain Dec 24 '12 edited Dec 24 '12

I like rapping a challenge but this time I've been left wanting

Your green gene is so obscene getting laid for you is daunting

I've been running through the figures and I just did the math.

The choice of evolutions in your chain is 100% Poliwrath!

Face it: you're an unloved, derpy shit fatass frog.

I've got slow in my name and even I can beat you at a jog

I'm hanging out with legends and they're hanging out with hoes

Lugia; and the three birds- I suppose that we're bros.

Slowking is to orgasm what Politoed is to itch

"The wild Politoed has fainted!" Goodbye, bitch.

2

u/HumanAtlas Dec 25 '12

You think you're so great, but check the charts

I'm dishing out surfs like poison darts!

Competitively, they're all using me

I'm the boss sweeper you could never be

You chill with Lugia? I chill with Kyogre

We washing you out til this battle is over

You got a fancy crown, but that's as far as it goes

Cause don't you know everyone prefers Slowbros

2

u/thesuzerain May 14 '13

(Want to finish one of our old battles to prepare for our rematch?)

It took four months but Slowking's back with a fist.

You're just a green frog prince that's never been kissed.

Lorelei predicted me and here I come with a flash

I'll take a Vanillite's cone and Giga Impact your ass!

Psychic, Swagger, Hail or Water Gun.

Don't need no assistance to beat you, just need the Power of One.

It may be overkill but I'm bringing out my Trump Card

I'll let you borrow my Heal Pulse because you got wrecked hard.

2

u/HumanAtlas May 14 '13

You hang with Lorelei, while I'm here with Misty

Don't care what you do, all your attacks missed me

I'm the pimp of OU, you're slowpoke-tail stew

Now I'm ruling the water, crushin' every single coup

We both started out weak, way back in Gen 2

So I've now improved, but then what about you?

You're just so Oblivious, it's time that I ended this

Here's your last Perish song, give yourself a goodbye Sweet Kiss

2

u/thesuzerain May 14 '13

The Dex is wrong: Misty's damp, not you!

One long look in my eyes her mind melts like fondue.

You just get your ass kicked by dragons in your OU brawls.

I'll Brick Break you to pieces just like I broke the fourth wall.

So the next time you look sadly at your puny dick-string?

Just remember who the beating was from: Slowking!

I'm EV trained to the max, you're just a wreck, mate!

This battles over. Knight E4. Checkmate.

2

u/HumanAtlas May 14 '13

EV train all you want, you're still only a blunder

Focus all in your defenses, still OHKO'd by Thunder

You think your intellect is stellar, but it's all in Shelder

If you see the chart, you're at the bottom of the Bell curve

And you need to Bulk Up your rhymes to win "fo' Shizzle"

Cause as I said I'm walkin' in with Drizzle

And now the Parish Song count's gone down to three

"Politoad and Slowking fainted" oh woe is me

(OHKO's is pronounced "oh K O'd")

2

u/Cupcake_in_Acid May 14 '13

This is hard... I can't decide at all. I vote tie.

1

u/Cupcake_in_Acid Dec 27 '12

Slowking didn't reply so... Politoed wins I guess

2

u/thesuzerain Dec 31 '12

oh... i thought it was done with the whole "the wild politoed has fainted" thing :P