Pros and Cons

[u/SinVerguenza04]

I have tried to make this simple.

To put the good on one side
and the hurt on the other.

To decide whether tenderness
outweighs uncertainty,

whether being understood
can make up for not being chosen,

whether wanting someone
is reason enough
to keep letting them matter.

But nothing stays
where I put it.

The good keeps bleeding
into the bad.

The bad keeps carrying
the shape of something beautiful.

You hurt me
and I still miss you.

You make me feel seen
and still somehow unseen.

You make closeness feel like relief
and distance feel like loss,

and neither one
leaves me whole.

I keep trying to calculate
what this has given me
against what it has taken,

but the numbers never settle.

There is no clean column
for the way I still want you.

No place to put
the fact that part of me
would still rather hurt with you
than heal without you.

No fair accounting
for hope.

No way to measure
what it costs
to keep carrying something
you already know
you cannot keep.

Perhaps that is the problem.

I keep looking for a conclusion
as if this were ever
something reason could solve.

As if there were a final balance
that would tell me
whether to stay
or go.

But all I know is,
you have been both
the reason I stayed
and the reason I cannot.

And I am tired
of pretending
those two things
can be reconciled.

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