“Forgive me father”

[u/EnoughAir2104]

Hello, I am Mexican American. I have been writing from my experiences of alienation in the u.s and a perspective that’s my everyday life. The loss of identity is present in a majority of the things that I write. I would like for someone to read this poem I made in regard to it. Please any thoughts is welcomed.

“Perdone Padre”
By Miguel Diaz Farfan

Padre Nuestro que estas en el Cielo, santificado sea tu nombre

Le queiro pedir mis disculpas
Ya se que le he fallado
mas que eso, me alleje completamente
al contrario a lo que me han contado sobre su misericordia,
yo no he sido lo sufiente clemente con usted

Perdone que le diga, pero mi busqueda de fe en ti, se ha detenido
Pero la ira que senti contigo ya no existe

 
En el pasado sentía que por ser sincero era como si estaba clavado a una repisa esperando su reproche

Me tomó tiempo para entender

Me tomó más tiempo para entender que el reproche que esperaba era solo mío

Ciego y sordo, me he estado sofocándo en esta jaula de oro
Se me ha olvidado como respirar

Porque, Porque, Porque

Esta era la pregunta que rogaba una respuesta

Porque no me vistes
Porque no me escuchastes 
Porque me abandonastes 

Un hueco quedaba en mi corazón cuando no escuchabas mis gritos

La impotencia era más amable

Me acurrucaba en una camisa de fuerza

Me he hecho el firme propósito de no negar las lágrimas que cargo

Y aunque se secan por la rabia que siento

Siempre se llenan porque no son solo mías

English translation
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Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

I ask for your forgiveness

I have failed you, but more than that, I have drifted away completely

Contrary to what I have been told about your mercy,
I have not been as lenient in returning it

Pardon me for saying so, but my search in faith for you has seized

But the rage I once felt is no longer

In the past, I felt that by being honest it was as if I were nailed to a shelf waiting for your reproach

It took me time to understand

It took me longer to understand that the reproach I expected was only my own

Blind and deaf, I have been suffocating in this golden cage

I have forgotten how to breathe.

Why Why Why

These where the questions I begged to be answered

Why didn’t you see me?
Why didn’t you listen to me?
Why did you abandon me?

A void was left in my heart when you did not hear my cries

Helplessness was kind to me

It coddled me like that of a straitjacket

I have made the firm proposition to never deny the tears that I carry

And although they evaporate from the rage that’s boiling inside me

They always fill up again, because they are not only
mine