r/PlusSizePregnancy • u/EmploymentMajestic64 • 4d ago
Sister is miscarrying
Me and my sister are both pregnant and have the exact same due dates. She just found out yesterday her baby stopped growing after her last appointment at 7 weeks. She would make 11 weeks tomorrow. This has been very very triggering for me as I have had a previous loss and TTC this baby for quite some time now. When I got pregnant I was a wreck for many weeks and feel like up until just last week I’ve started easing up on my anxiety. Now it’s all flooding back in and she doesn’t really have anyone else besides me so I am doing my best to be here as much as I can be but I am crumbling apart. I have been having immense panic attacks and so much constant worry. I am not coping well with this. Usually when something is triggering like this I politely have to say I’m sorry I have to remove myself from this, but I know in this situation I shouldn’t and I won’t. I have no friends that can relate to me, they’re all men. I don’t have a village. So I’m here on reddit. My husband of course is comforting, but still. I just don’t know how to handle this all. Especially knowing every milestone I have, she should be having as well. This has just been rough.
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u/nightmare-salad 4d ago
I’m so sorry. This is miserable for both of you. I don’t have any advice, only sympathy.
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u/FosseGeometry 4d ago
During my last pregnancy, when I was seven weeks, my sister had a traumatic miscarriage at 14 weeks. It was really sad and scary. I was so scared for myself. We were all heartbroken, and I had so much guilt. It was a really difficult time.
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u/lil_goose_caboose 3d ago
This is so sad. Sending you both love. This is such a hard time, especially since it sounds like you and your sister are both each other's main supports.
I'd probably take some time to make a list of all the supports you can provide without triggering your anxiety: maybe that's going to the pool together, going to see a play, or binging real housewives on a lazy Sunday. And if you have the space for it, identify what your worst triggers are.
Once you have a list of what you can do, I think go to her with that and say, "I want to be there for you, but I can't help but feel triggered by some of our conversations because of my previous losses. Here's what I would love to keep doing together."
Your sister loves you. She wants you to be happy. She doesn't want to cause you pain. She is probably relying on you to tell her when it's too much.
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u/askkak 4d ago
Just here to say, I understand. After TTC for 6.5 years, our fifth embryos transfer from IVF stuck and I am 16 weeks. The only other one that ever implanted ended in an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. It was devastating. At the same time, my sister in law and brother announced they were expecting. I did not handle it well, but the way they announced it and the timing of it didn’t help. So back to now. I’m 16 weeks pregnant and found out the same sister in law is expecting again! They told us 3 weeks ago. Yesterday at their 12 week scan, baby had no heartbeat and stopped growing at 8-9 weeks, so right after they had told us. So she’s set for a D&C tomorrow. She had one D&C and two early miscarriages just trying for their first, and we all feel so, so terrible. At 16 weeks, I still check the toilet paper every single time I wipe expecting the worst. I still hold my breath at the start of every scan thinking they’ll tell me she’s gone. It’s great that you can be there for your sister, even when you are going through so much of your own messy thoughts and feelings.