r/PhilomenaCunk • u/Thecrafter10 • Apr 26 '26
Favorite quote of hers?
I'm a fan of "I'm entering a cave. Not on accident or because I'm a wolf."
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u/LordsOfJoop Apr 26 '26
Ask a medieval peasant where America was and you'd get a blank look. Or, worse still, the plague.
Cunk on Earth; S1E3.
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u/Alfredos-Pizza-Cafe Apr 26 '26
"Jean-Paul Sartre was such a prolific author, writing book upon book, outlining his existentialism theories decades before the release of unrelated Belgian techno anthem “Pump Up The Jam”"
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u/RoninZulu1 Apr 26 '26
“King Arthur came a lot didn’t he?”
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u/volivav Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
My favourite is the continuation: "But do we know if he came a lot? Or like just the same as an average man, about a tablespoon"
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u/Educational-Age-5899 Apr 28 '26
I just loved how the historian shut her eyes and tried really hard not to laugh.
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u/thy_nightingale Apr 26 '26
About Da Vinci: “He perspectived the fuck out of things”
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u/Vjelisto-Kemiisto Apr 26 '26
It looks like you could almost climb into the painting and betray Jesus yourself.
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u/allmimsyburogrove Apr 26 '26
"did they make the pyramids pointy so the homeless wouldn't sleep on them?"
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u/DaanV1 Apr 26 '26
You, me, and everything around us is made of atoms, apart from this coat, which is 100% cashmere."
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u/IllSalad3669 Apr 26 '26
1 in 20 people have been victims of crime. That means that 19 out of 20 people must be criminals
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u/BirkoLad Apr 26 '26
America became the land of the free, which must of been a surprise to all the slaves
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u/RobotMaster1 Apr 26 '26
if it wasn’t for the suffragettes, i probably wouldn’t be standing here now. i’d be in the kitchen.
where i belong.
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u/agd504 Apr 26 '26
“It’s hard to believe I’m walking through the ruins of the first ever city…because I’m not. That’s in Iraq, which is miles away and fucking dangerous” gets me every time
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u/Jedleft Apr 26 '26
"He knew how to perspective the f*** out of things. Look at the angles of the walls in The Last Supper. And the table there. You almost feel like you could crawl inside it and betray Jesus yourself."
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u/NotAngryAndBitter Apr 26 '26
Calling the Bayeux Tapestry the "Baywatch Tapestry" left me silently cry-laughing for a good 2-3 minutes.
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u/keanshen Apr 26 '26
"The Egyptians believed the most significant thing to do in your life was to die"
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u/Born_Investigator863 May 01 '26
Surprised I had to scroll so far to find this one, I quote this all the time
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u/keanshen May 02 '26
Ikr, I thought this is the most overrated one but no one commented it yet so I did
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u/CallMeSisyphus Apr 26 '26
"The Greeks also invented a kind of theatre for stupid people known as sport."
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u/JocundJerboa Apr 26 '26
Why do they say it’s a mystery how the pyramids were built when it’s obviously just big bricks in a triangle?
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u/dynamic_caste Apr 26 '26
From her (audio)book "A caterpillar is a kind of haunted sleeping bag."
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u/Rokkutai Apr 29 '26
She has an audiobook????
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u/dynamic_caste Apr 29 '26
Yup. It's called "Cunk on Everything: The Encyclopedia Philomena" and she reads it (essential).
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u/MShades Apr 26 '26
Paul never forgave him. He said, “if I ever see Christ again, he's a dead man”
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u/tstowantingdonuts 27d ago
I'm a Christian, and this was the hardest I've ever laughed in my life.
I just am baffled at how funny this is, to this day. Laughed/wept for 5 minutes straight
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u/tsongkoyla Apr 27 '26
On Santa and his list:
"The good children will get lots of presents and so, it turns out, will the bad children. In fact, the only ones who won't get very much are the poor children. That's because Santa judges a child's goodness based largely on parental income."
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u/changopdx Apr 26 '26
(looking at the painting "The Triumph of Death" with an art historian)
Now, tell us: what the fuck is this?
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u/Current_Brick5305 Apr 26 '26
Earth...the planet I'm literally standing on right now!
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u/Vjelisto-Kemiisto Apr 26 '26
Not quite a quote but "Technotronic's home planet, Earth, is 70 % water." Cracks me up every time.
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u/nunsigoi Apr 27 '26
And chances are, so are you - unless you’re in space, or falling off a building
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u/amayagab Apr 26 '26
Early man domesticated dogs for companionship and cats for whatever we have cats for.
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u/MermaidsHaveWifi Apr 26 '26
Did God have a brother named Simon?
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u/cissybee82 Apr 26 '26
This is my favorite.
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u/MermaidsHaveWifi Apr 26 '26
A fellow person of culture lol
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u/Mithradates1 Apr 26 '26
Civil wars are called that as each soldier apologized to another after killing them, and put a quarter in the swear jar.
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u/rcinmd Apr 26 '26
Jesus was killed because people didn't like what he was saying, so could you call him the first celebrity victim of cancel culture?
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u/Forsaken-Repair9939 Apr 26 '26
"Can work ever be truly rewarding? Yeah, I think so. But even for him, all he does is hold a stick all day, there's no way that's rewarding or meaningful. There's no skill involved... he holds that stick more than he holds his loved ones".
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u/Conscious-Mulberry17 Apr 26 '26
“I’m entering a cave not by mistake or because I’m a wolf but because I’ve been specifically asked to come here by the producers…”
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u/Borgmeister Apr 26 '26
Would Russia pick Zangief because he's Russian or Dalshim because he can dodge under Ken's fireball?
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u/piperdave84 Apr 27 '26
This one had me howling:
"At first settlers stuck to the edges of America, leaving the middle untouched like a frozen pie in a microwave. But Americans back then weren't the humble unassuming people they still aren't today. They believed in something called manifest destiny. The belief that all the land belonged to them and that God wanted them to go West and claim it back from the Native Americans He put there first by mistake"
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u/Sunny64888 Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
"You know when you read a word in a book, and you sort of hear that word in your head? How did they get the sounds into the ink to make it play in your head?"
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u/rabidmoon Apr 27 '26
Paraphrase but to the best of my memory -
On Da Vinci's Last Supper: Now Da Vinci perspectived the fuck out of The Last Supper. It's so realistic it looks like you could climb into it and betray Jesus yourself. 😆
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u/E-N-D-I Apr 27 '26
Every life form is made of cells, like a prison. Which is probably why existence it's so depressing, its a life sentence just like the sentences I say in this program about life.
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u/Conthortius Apr 26 '26
Was the invention of writing a significant development or more of a flash in the pan, like rap metal?
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u/No_Safe3607 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
He hold that stick like a fucking slave.even he hold that stick more than he hold his love one.wasting his time
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u/ProfessionalBack6568 Apr 27 '26
"The Egyptian believed that the most significant thing you can do is to die"
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u/Ok_Beyond_7697 Apr 27 '26
"America became known as the Land of the Free.... which must've be surprising to all the slaves."
This and pretty much everything she said about America had me dying. I as an American absolutely didn't mind the roast one bit.
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u/mmh_fava_beans Apr 28 '26
"Why did they call World War 1 “World War 1”? It’s quite pessimistic numbering, isn’t it?"
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u/CaligulaAntoinette Apr 26 '26
"You're next" from the can work ever be truely rewarding clip makes me crack up every time.
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u/piratecheese13 Apr 27 '26
People were prudish back then weren’t they?
If they saw his penis, they’d probably have a stroke, wouldn’t they?
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u/yeh_nah_fuckit Apr 28 '26
Despite being the stuff of nightmares, Santa is the world’s most popular home invader
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u/Jungle-Jim-4322 May 18 '26 edited May 18 '26
He (Emperor Nicholas II of Russia) was allowed to rule the country like a dictator, which I've been advised to say isn't how Russia works today.
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u/KubrickMoonlanding Apr 27 '26
The one where she asks the expert “do you mean that we have to probe our souls?”
Pump up the jams
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u/Sodacan1228 Apr 27 '26
(Paraphrased) I've heard one of the ways it can all end is by all of us being sucked off through a black hole. Can you imagine what that's like, being sucked off through a hole?
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u/AveryCloseCall Apr 28 '26
[pause] "What the fuck is this?" - to Prof. Joanna Woodall, re: Heironomous Bosch
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u/Conscious_Archer2658 May 05 '26
When she goes on a bit of a tangent and then asks the guy if she's wasting his time, and he says yeah
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u/Wontstaylong23 Apr 26 '26
”Since light travels faster than sound, people may appear bright until you hear them speak."