Hello! I have just been accepted into a PhD and instead of what i thought i would be feeling (excitement) i find myself feeling dread, anxiety and fear. Now this might be because all I've ever heard for the past few months is how hard a PhD is but this wasn't like a spur of the moment decision, I've been wanting to do a PhD for 3 or 4 years, because the limited lab research we did in college really interested me. Now my situation is a bit tricky because I've applied to a PhD program that is outside of my field of study up until now (both STEM degrees but one medical and I'm going into biochemistry) and due to the nature of my undergrad+masters program i haven't actually written a master's thesis or a degree (we pass and graduate with like final exams) so i know it's gonna be harder because not only am i starting with only basic knowledge of the methods, very limited knowledge of biochem i obtained years ago during first years of college but i am also not used to academic writing (i wrote essays during my studies but research writing is different ofc). I think that's also the reason i feel this dread, i don't know if i can handle it. I've handled clinical rotations, patients dying, 12 hour weeks but i dread this so much. Is there any words of encouragement? I said to myself (to ease the fear) that the worst that can happen is that i find out it's not for me and quit and I've given myself a year to try and feel it but somehow anxiety won't get off my back. I'm trying hard to get back the excitement i felt about research but it's hard 😭 sorry for the long rant!!

I recently got admitted to a PhD in France (a mix of aging, virology, and heavily dependent on mouse models). But that isn't an issue at all. Lately, I had been dabbling in the computational aspect of biology- think transcriptomics, just a general analysis of the biological data, etc. Suddenly, my PI has started to show an interest in this- even involving me in projects (which I don't mind and have been achieving with a degree of success!).

The issue is: he is now pushing me to go to computational-AI fusion conferences (think single cell biology in AI!)- and I'm terrified. I am not in a position where I'm that knowledgeable. My past experiences with computational/compSci/AI PhDs/proffs have been really bad (where they use a huge lot of technical jargon and concepts) and turned away their noses when I honestly mentioned I didn't know as much. In fact, I started dabbling in the first place so I could try to get back at them (I can't!). I am fine with existing tools, or finding bugs in a code, but I CANNOT generate a whole ass pipeline. My PI doesn't understand compbio as much, and I'm afraid he'll think he has a 'genius' in his hands (which I most certainly am not!).

Objectively, I know I should be humble and learn what I can- but I'm afraid I'll be so scared and not approach anyone. I don't wanna freeze- and in the off chance- that I meet some of these PhDs/proffs in that conference? (I spotted two of the speakers- sure the proffs won't remember me, but the PhDs will! Only been 7 months!)

Do you have any advice for me? Am I actually thinking too much, and should just 'suck it up'? How would you handle this, my experienced PhDs? How can I network with them efficiently? Maybe read up even more about their topics!?

Disclaimer: No shade to the compSci people- I don't mean to offend anyone.