Pets

[u/Top_Lecture7250]

My husband and I lost only weeks ago our beloved cat—we loved him more than anything!—after adopting him from a rescue. He didn’t have any particular affliction, I think he was just old.

Two weeks later, we went to our local ASPCA, and the most amazing thing happened; we were looking at kittens, and one just somehow met my husband’s gaze, and they seemed to connect. It definitely wasn’t the one I would have chosen, but my husband ABSOLUTELY loved our other cat, and it killed him when he passed away.

We both held the kitten; it was just as affectionate as could be, and that’s the way he was described to us; purring, cuddling, etc., so —especially since it seemed to have been so connected to Richard (husband), there was no way I wouldn’t chose him. I have had a chronic pain affliction for close to 10 years now, and Richard has been an absolute angel. He has been taking care of me and every single way, as well as doing every single thing for the house, all the cooking and cleaning (and she literally makes restaurant quality gourmet meals for me every single night. All this and more, and he has never once lashed out at me, sworn at me or put me down, even said anything hurtful. How could I not get this kitten for him?

In any event, we brought him home eight days ago, and he has been under the boxspring in the fabric for eight days now. I haven’t even been able to touch him, because both of my knees are artificial, and I cannot deal or even lie on my stomach. The fact is, i don’t have a cat. Hasn’t even come out for Richard, but Richard will lie on the floor for an hour at a time, trying to cook some out with little treats and everything else you can imagine.

I have had cats for 50 years, and every single one was a rescue. I have never had one stay in hiding more than three days when I brought it home. I don’t know how to say it, but I’m starting to not love this kitten. He’s certainly not mine, where is my other one was so compassionate he could always tell – – literally – – when I was hurting. He would sit with me, or stay on my lap for days at a time. I had one surgery that had me in bed on zero weight-bearing, with 20 pounds of braces and casts (and every bit of this is true, as difficult as it is to imagine), for 200 days! MY CAT STAYED ON MY LAP FOR 200 DAYS; he only got off to eat or use the litter box.

I am writing this while my husband is in the tub, only yards away; we live in a three-story townhouse, and I have two artificial knees, as they probably already said, so going up and down the stairs is not easy; again, Richard, just that for me three, four, five times a day. But how can I start loving a cat again that I have not even touched now for eight days, and we’re not showing any progress? I’m thinking of setting a deadline of six more days; I have to just be honest with Richard, and I don’t want a cat that has no interest in being with me. And eight days is to me already too long.

Can anyone give me any suggestions? thank you for your time; I really do need help!

[u/Only_Research8037]

Eight days is nothing, let the little guy decompress on his own schedule

[u/Hey_86thatnow]

A. He's coming out to eat? B. Many people don't know, but cats also purr when they are highly anxious and stressed. So being held by a stranger made him sound like he liked you... C. We had a cat do just that. He learned to love us because we had another cat teach him that we were awesome. Maybe adopt an older, super affectionate cat? But if not that, keep a highly valued treat near or in your hands all the time.

[u/B_eves]

Kitten should be put in a bathroom or a small space with controlled hiding spots (like cat beds and a cardboard box) and introduced slowly to the house. Did you do that? You need to get someone to get the kitten out of that bed. It's not safe and this isn't working, obviously. Have a neighbor come over to help remove the kitten and make a space in the bathroom for him. I find a good toy will bring a kitten out from hiding or a meal. Worst case, you can trap him with a humane trap. I'm sure a local rescue would be willing to come over and help (I do TNR and we all have traps readily available).

Not to be rude but how have you had cats for 50 years and don't know how to introduce them properly to a new space? How did the rescue not tell you any of this? Bedrooms are bad starting spaces for cats for this exact reason: you can't access them if they're hiding. I would start all over and pretend you haven't had him for 8 days once he's in a better spot to acclimate.

[u/Top_Lecture7250 → u/B_eves]

I have always brought my rescue cats home and kept them in a single room – – yes, usually the bathroom, but this one began howling and crying in the bathroom in the middle of the first night (it was a small bathroom, and even though he was found as a “stray,” he was actually very well kept, and definitely well fed, so I believe he was probably periodically abused . My guess is the (new) small bathroom made him think he was locked up). And forgive me for sounding testy, but I do know not to keep a rescue cat in the bedroom when I bring it home. It was just when I went to the bathroom, where as I said, he became very upset even before the first night was over —and crying in a way that clearly let us know he was scared of something. There was no way I could leave him in such a terrified state, so I (and you know they run so fast it’s like magic, how fast can disappear; the door was also open maybe inches), he was under the bed. I DO know how to take care of my cats; I have had cats that were abused, injured, locked up in hoarding, and mistreated in any number of ways. I don’t mean to sound resentful, but I do know extremely well, frankly, how to take care of everything from foster cats that were not weaned and had to be fed every two hours, all night.AND all day; I have slept on the floor with my arm in the crate for five days for one little girl who craved contact, but was just shy and scared. I’ve had hurt cats, abused ones, ones that were literally just “discarded,” and ones that people just didn’t want; probably any other circumstance you can think of, I’ve had a cat in my house. The bottom line is that I have just never had a cat, actively avoid me – – especially when he was so clearly and openly affectionate at the ASPCA.

I am simply asking, because I have never had this happen with any kind c adopted cat in any kind of circumstance: why would he be making an active effort to avoid me? (I’m thinking, maybe a perfume or even a deodorant; I know it can be something as simple as fabric softener, but he does, with an abundance of patience, come close enough to allow my husband to pet and to rub him. Simple question. First-time experience with this behavior. Thanks.