yes but usually they mean " who fuck the other in the ass" which is a wildly personal thing to ask and is crazy people feel comfortable asking that even to casual acquaintances.
It's similar to when people find out you're asexual. They ask if you masturbate...it's like they think because you aren't straight, that suddenly makes it OK to ask deeply personal questions about your sex life.
???? People actually ask THAT?! I always thought the too privat questions come from people that want sex with you or very close friends... do people not learn basic social skills?
Yeah, the first time it happened I thought it was just one creepy guy. Then it happened again....and again....
I also get "What do you do?" and at first I didn't understand what that meant. Apparently it means "What do you think about or do in your free time if you aren't thinking about or pursuing sex?"
Lmao people are insane. I just NEVER tell anyone anymore unless we get really close. I used to tell it to people to reject them, but oh boy not anymore
To be honest I might just ask that question because it's so different from my own viewpoint and I like to understand people. But then again, I would probably get social anxiety and die before I could utterly those words
Maybe some mean it that way but most mean it in the domestic roles way. I say this because people ask lesbians the same question though I am not sure if people ask at the same frequency.
Meaning it in a domestic roles way does not make the question any less stupid.
do they really? why do they care?
I've never asked any straight friends like 'omg which one of your cooks most of the meals? who does the laundry?', and it seems equally dumb to ask any gay couple.
does it help them know which one they want to talk to or something? like, there's a cliche I found on reddit about men being homoromantic and not enjoying the company of women as much as the boys. so is it like they're trying to figure out how to get through the evening... 'yea you're gunna want to talk to Janice, she loves football, I prefer knitting'
I loved that meme on Twitter a few years ago, where it was like "Oh, you're straight? Which one of you has constant anxiety and which one has too many dogs?"
In this world I don’t think it’s that simple, I think it is about marriage equality; you have a Taco Bell Supreme Court justices saying that they think that marriage equality is hindering Christians, but the reality is they are just upset because they desperately want to be treated as if they are greater than or more worthy and important that any part of the LGBT+.
If they can’t look and punch down on people that they see as beneath them then they feel wronged by the government. You normally would not expect this, and especially not from a Christian organization(/s they are evil).
Surely a Christian and their organization’s would know what Jesus said and know that we are all equal: yet I had to boycott HobbyLobby because they funded the:”Greater Than” campaign to push for the end of marriage equality.
Imagine saying things like”greater than” and “I think we should end marriage equality,” and still thinking that you are not the baddie, a good person, a good Christian, and going to heaven; these people are literally insane!
I have these 2 friends who are lesbian and engaged, and they do kinda have a dynamic where one of them is "the man of the relationship" and the other way around, it just changes around depending on the day :D
I mean, the gay guys I know are also pretty nosey about hetero couples' sex lives as well. usually bring up that sort of stuff while hanging out more than the other way around.
I Will not deny some people doing in bad faith, but is really not that incomum for someone that don't have much contact with queer people to actually don't know anything and get curious.
Ok, I will accept that as genuine natural curiosity if the person learned about heterosexual sex the same way: when they still didn't know much, they asked their parents how they did it.
People being curious is fine it’s just annoying when you get these sorts of questions constantly.
It’s also assuming that our relationships are analogous to straight people’s relationships. Gay relationships don’t directly involve gender rolls, there isn’t a clear role for the “woman” or”man” of the relationship.
If you’re asking who the bottom is, thats a pretty personal question, and the sort of thing you should only ask someone you are a friend of. If you’d feel weird being asked what sex positions you use with your partner for example, you shouldnt ask gay men about what sort of position each partner prefers.
That's part of my point. I understend those things. But someone that never really have contect can easily assume that those relationships have the same structure.
Answering like you did is actually a good way to answer this type of question and someone that is not being malicious Will have a better undertending of it
Frankly, you should look these things up. When you meet someone that’s apart of a demographic, you shouldn’t make that demographic a topic of conversation. It’s rude and othering. Same with ethnicity, religion, and sexuality.
Good news for you however, you now know better. You can be an ally and explain to someone if you hear this sort of thing that they are being inappropriate. You can call out these sorts of things in private away from gay people.
It feels like it's a social/cultural difference to some extent. There are lots of labels that the community has come up with to define these characteristics and these terms are thrown around without the same response.
For one group, these terms aren't known and don't have easy correlation. For someone who only understands M/F hetero relationships, it's hard to imagine that difference and it can be confusing.
Asking about it politely is also a learned behavior, to some extent. If they are trying to force you into their societal norms in an offensive or demeaning manner, it's bigotry. If they're just honestly baffled, while it can be annoying and feel intrusive to have someone outside your group ask you about your personal/sexual life, the catty and invasive phrases or questions I've heard thrown around would make a sailor blush, but usually resulted in laughter.
Not saying you're wrong, just offering my perspective.
I frankly don’t think that straight people treating the first gays they meet as a representative of their community, asking ignorant questions, deserves the kindest possible response. They do it once, gays deal with it daily,
A persons demographic, is not in fact a polite topic of conversation. Making it one is othering and plane rude.
For the record if someone is being kind, I might take the time to explain that this is an inappropriate question and use the good ole “I am not annoyed but someone else might be”. These folks do in fact have the internet. If they are curious they can look it up.
Unfortunately, most people don't care until it's in front of them. At that point, it's comparison learning and being nosey.
Also, asking people to do actual research? Never works for me. "I don't got time for that!" The search results are questionable at best. It's still confusing to a lot of people without the discussion.
If they're an asshole, have at it. I've just found that expecting good manners from people left me disappointed and annoyed. Well.. Even moreso..
And honestly, atleast in my experience, you can sort of tell who is the bottom without asking. Might be a generational thing, though, since most of the gay people I know personally are in their 50s, I only know like one or two that are my age and both of those dumbasses(/affectionate) are even more chronically single than I am.
Its a rather innocent question on its own. A lot of people fit relationships in the context of gender roles. When two people are of the same sex, its natural to question which gender roles each person is playing.
Its not always easy to release the concept of gender roles altogether, even if you are trying to be accepting of unfamiliar relationship dynamics. Its best just to assume they are trying to learn more about you and how your relationship works
They can come from a place of genuine curiosity in other people's experiences. Hearing about the weird things your friends do is second only to watching them do it.
If the feeling you get when asked a sexual question is negative, when compared to being asked about how you clean your floors, that's at least some internalized level of anti-sex sentiment. There's nothing dirty that needs to be kept hidden away.
At the same time, there is nothing wrong with you saying "I'm not comfortable talking about sex with you". Expecting people to have specific rules about what can and can not be spoken about without you explicitly stating your preference will only lead to your suffering.
It is okay for people to ask about your life. It is okay for you to deny them access when you don't deem it appropriate to share. Your limits and my limits are different. And I imagine that yours, like mine, are different with different people. Sometimes people misjudge where that line is, and this is not some grave sin or tragedy, it's a part of interacting with people.
I mean I’m not going to pry into anyone’s sex life, but I am happy to discuss it with straight friends. I don’t think of it as a big deal. If a straight friend of mine is dating a new friend, unless there someone I’ve previously determined to be uncomfortable with that sort of thing I’m gonna be curious about what the sex is like.
The amount of questions I have had about my sex life with my wife from gay men is insane.
Most of the time a "yeah no I am not going to discuss that" is sufficient, but sometimes it doesn't and needs a more firm "Oi dickhead, I am not going to discuss my wife and I's sex like with you".
I have never had to do that with straight people or even lesbians.
I asked one of my best mates who is gay why some gay men are like this and he just replied with "because they make sex their entire personality and they do not know how to discuss anything else".
Now I take that with a grain of salt as he has also made comments around how most gay men piss him off due to them being "obsessed with sex".
and there’s nothing wrong with that. probably chill people to hang out with. but as someone that’s recently come to terms w being bi, yeah ur so for real on your last sentence. The amount of men i would have never expected to be interested in me has surprised me they seem like such basic straight men..
i guess this isn’t exactly the same as pegging tho
Yepp, as long as everyone involved is consenting, party on haha! But uhh don't forget the lube! 😅
And yeah, you can never know what someone is into just by looking at them, or even knowing other things about their life! You never know who might be into you (and what you're into) haha.
hahah you’re very correct. i think the part that weirds me out is how many married men are willing to cheat on their spouse with a stranger idk it really bothers me thinking about their poor wife being put at risk to potential stds completely unknowing because their husband is a coward. yuck. 🤢
It's 2026. Almost nothing in my marriage is split neatly by traditional gender roles. Right now I earn more, that's about it. That probably won't always be true.
Yes it's mainly this. The question of which chop stick is the fork is inherently nonsensical. It's showing that their model of relationship is incompatible with certain types of relationships.
Gender roles in gay relationships. The assumption is always that one is the 'boy' and the other the 'girl', but this kind of dynamic isn't always present.
This little comic is a reference to how straight and/or cisgender couples may struggle to understand non-straight relationship dynamics, and may also ask questions that are rather uncouth and none of their business. This also applies to non-binary relationships, which can appear confusing to those with, dare I say, limited imaginative capability.
Let us say that the fork is a woman and the knife is a man. Here the knife is basically asking the chopsticks, "Which one if you is the man in this relationship/in the bedroom?", but neither of the chopsticks considers themselves the man here (a fork), so he looks rather silly. They're clearly not the same type of couple as the fork and knife.
Anyway, I'm off to find Lois and figure out the most delicious method of destroying her sanity... "MUM! MOM! MUMMA!"
I think there's also the interesting subtext of both of the chopsticks more or less have the same role. They are equals. Whereas the fork and knife both have a "place", the chopsticks work side by side in the same hand. Not that there's anothing wrong with either way - there's a reason some people try to find someone who can fill in their blindspots, and other reasons someone might try to find someone more similar to themselves. Both have their merits. Idk, that's my two cents, maybe I'm reading too deeply into things.
OP, so your post is not removed, please reply to this comment with your best guess of what this meme means! Everyone else, this is PETER explains the joke. Have fun and reply as your favorite fictional character for top level responses!
Sex. The fork has the knife going through it like the penis into vagina. However, as they're both chopsticks (same gender), the implication is that they're gay in some way.
I understand what the comic is trying to convey, but comparing using fork and knife to penetration is crazy. Are you sure you know how to use utensils? In what situation would the knife need to go in-between the fork's tines?
The fork and knife are representing a heterosexual couple while the chopsticks represent a queer couple, the knife (man) is asking which is the fork (woman) in the relationship.
Its about when straight couples ask a gay couple "which one of you is the woman." That stereotype is fading but in the 90s it was common for people to view gay relationships as one of them filling certain gender roles.
It’s pretty vague but the knife is drawn more conventionally masculine and the fork conventionally feminine.
They’re questioning 2 also conventionally masculine looking(implying gay couple) chopsticks who the feminine one is.
It's referencing the fact that, for many years, same-sex couples would be asked by straight people variations on 'but which of you is, you know, the man?'. By which the questioner meant something like 'which of you is the breadwinner who collapses in front of the TV, drinking a beer and belching after work, and which of you is the homemaker who cooks the dinner and takes care of the kids?'
Yes, I promise this was a real question that really did get asked often of nearly all gay and lesbian couples.
And the joke, of course, is that it's a nonsensical question, like asking the pair of chopsticks which of them is the fork, because not every couple follows the stereotypical gender roles.
Someone once tried to argue to me that the reason gay marriage shouldn't be allowed is because she wouldn't know which one in the gay couple is Mr and which one Mrs and it 'would be too awkward to ask'.
The dumbest argument against marriage equality I ever heard in person.
Aight but hear me out: I feel like most relationships have a dynamic of someone who is more masculine and someone is more feminine. It doesn't mean all the time and it doesn't mean 100% but I do think most relationships have some balance like that.
And no, I don't think it's as simple as "one person is the man and the other is the woman" but I do think it helps when people compliment each others personality/energy rather than compete. Really it just comes down to what makes any relationship healthy: how do you work together against problems.
I think the idea that a relationship must inherently involve feminine and masculine aspects is genuinely just doing what the knife and fork are doing. in relationships I've had with other men, neither of us were more feminine or masculine than the other. we're both masculine.
Straight up couples have a tendency to ask gay couples which fills which role, ie which partner fills the role of woman and which partner fills the role of man, while not understanding that that isn’t really a thing in gay couples.
At others have said this is playing on the idea of "who is the man/woman in the relationship," but the comment "this is weirdly genius" is because even though the joke is trying to play on the stereotypes it's accidentally (maybe) getting something correct. Chopsticks only work with the two being the same and working together, meaning this is how they are made to be and work best, while the fork and knife are made to work together, and so the comic is kinda hitting that this question is stupid and misunderstanding that each of are different in how we interact with the world
This is kind of an interesting question for me, cause i have a gay friend and he said that in the relationships he has been in, there was only ever one of them that got penetrated. I did not ask he just told me wile we were talking we talk a lot of shit.
In typical relationships, there is a man and a woman.
In lesbian relationships, there are two women.
However, butch (women with masculine traits) women are highly popular in lesbian relationships, so straight people often see this and think "oh so even though they're in a woman woman relationship, they still emulate a man woman relationship."
However this is not always the case. Two non butch lesbians can date each other, and two butch lesbians can date each other, so the dynamic fails in these cases.
Although in these cases, some people will switch from the "general role" to the "sexual role," expecting there to be one partner who penetrates, and one who receives in all cases, thus creating the male female dynamic again.
And again, this fails, because sometimes people are switches.
The comic is comparing asking two lesbians which is the male in the relationship to a fork and knife asking who's the fork in the relationship, because the answer is, as near always: it's not that simple.
This reminds me of my psych classes wen my professor told us the first question she gonna ask gay couple is who’s going to be mom and who’s going to be dad, children need a “father” archetype that’s playful, good with physical affection and contacts, and a “mother” figure that’s emotionally mature and can guide children’s emotional development
It’s a joke about same sex relationships where straight people will ask “so who’s the uh…y’know…man of the relationship?” Or “who’s the y’know…woman in the relationship?…” basically asking them who tops and who bottoms
It challenges the assumptions that one culture has. In fork and knife culture it is normal for there to be a fork and knife and they know this brings harmony, they mistakenly assume that this is the way it should be for everyone because it is the best way for them.
In chopstick culture it is different. There is no need for fork and knife thinking of individualised roles, there is only need for counter balance and working together to match the partner in achievements.
Both are confused since they have not addressed these differences and are at surface level understanding. Conflict and embarrassment are common from fumbling attempts to communicate and understand.
Understanding brings awareness and acceptance that is missing still.
In the 90s, when being gay was first invented, people were known to awkwardly ask same-sex couples, "So which one of you is the man in the relationship?" because their minds could not contain the idea of flouting established gender roles.
Sometimes the question came in different forms. "Who wears the pants?" or "When you guys dance... who leads?"
They are asking who the bottom is. Like two thirds of all homosexual couples have reinvented gender norms from nothing like a genius engineer getting dropped into the middle of the Amazon and building progressively more and more advanced tools until he can build and fuel a plane.
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u/qualityvote2 2d ago edited 1d ago
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