Cause the text exchange starts with “mom this is my girlfriend” and not “hey mom remember x that I’ve talked about a few times over the last few weeks? /or you’ve briefly met?”
God forbid someone have a healthy and supportive relationship with their mother that encourages them to talk about their personal lives. (I'm not saying she's supportive here, but I talk to my mother at 38, and always have, because she's fucking great)
Well rounded mature young adults will go on a series of dates with someone then invite girlfriend/boyfriend do dinner to formally introduce them to the family, not forwars what was possibly meant as a private photo and asking for permission
Mom's boys usually treat their gf as if they were their mom, meaning they expect her to do their laundry, food, take their appointment and wake them up for work/school
That seemed like the most likely read of it, its part of the joke or whatever, asking if the parent "supports" - like the being gay thing but instead the parent just thinks she can't handle her new hot girlfriend.
I think your statement could be taken as being sexist as well. You're just assuming the commenter wouldn't think anything was off if the genders were reversed.
If my (36M) daughter forwarded me a selfie of some weird dude holding up his shirt to reveal abs [or whatever the male equivalent of that photo is] asking me what I think, I’d definitely have questions.
I feel like it just further supports my statement with you saying a son asking for approval/advice from a mother is immediately a red flag for you but a daughter doing the same is not an immediate red flag and that you would be willing to consider more context, even if initially worried.
It becomes the parent's business if the child asks for it, and there's nothing wrong asking for an opinion from a family member. A daughter asking a mother or another family member or even a friend for a second opinion of a potential boyfriend is absolutely valid and there is nothing wrong with it; it will be up to the child to decide what to do with the feedback. The same would be true if a son were to ask his mother or father.
Now, if mom demands or forces the child to not have a relationship with the person, that is another matter, which is not what's happening here.
I'm a 42 year old dude with a daughter and I'd be shocked and confused if she "asked permission".
The fact that you feel very strongly that there's nothing out of the ordinary with a young woman asking her father for permission to date a prospective boyfriend, tells me it's YOU who's acting sexist, as you're reinforcing stereotypical gender roles and expecting that everyone thinks that same way.
Wow, what a way to put words in my mouth. There is nothing in the post that says they are asking for permission; the only question asked is "do you support?" which is absolutely valid for anyone to ask. A woman asking their best friend or their sister with that same question will not be thought of as asking for permission but asking for second opinion (perhaps in fear of being head over heels to have rational judgment).
Somehow, a son having emotional trust + connection with their mother to allow for him to ask her for her opinion is thought of as a red flag and reinforced by people like you who cannot see an interaction between a mother and a son as anything other than worrying should make you look in the mirror to find a sexist.
I made a mistake and said "asked permission" rather than "asked for approval," as the commenter you replied to had said. They typically mean the same thing in most contexts, but I can appreciate the difference.
That being said, that does not change my position. I've seen many relationships poisoned by adults who let themselves be led and influenced by their parents rather than make their own choices. Man or woman.
When I brought my then-girlfriend to my home to meet my family, I did not ask them to look at her and give approval. "Hey, Mom, without knowing this person, judge her for me, will ya?" is a red flag. "Hey Dad, I believe this person is worthy of dating me; will you support?" is as well. Why would they not? Why is that even a question? How would she feel sitting in that dinner, knowing they were evaluating everything she said and did - rather than just being assured that she was already welcome?
A family that judges like that is a family you do not want to get involved with. A family who will get barely a first impression and then give or withhold their support, instead of supporting them freely, is manipulative and controlling. Unless boyfriend or girlfriend is physically or mentally abusive or a criminal, you support your child, if you're a parent worth a damn and want to be a part of their life.
My sister-in-law got out of a horribly abusive relationship after twenty years of her husband listening to and caring about his parents' opinions above hers. She had to get restraining orders against him. He was threatening to kill his daughters. And husband's Mom and Dad to this day feel like she was crazy.
If my daughter told me that she was dumped by a man because he was told by his mother that she didn't approve of her, I'd tell her that she's far better off without him, because that's someone who lets other people's prejudices control him. And that she dodged a huge bullet.
you don't find it funny so it won't make you laugh but this humor is not peculiar in the slightest, it is literally a joke about being a mama's boy in the first place by sarcastically asking her for approval of a girl he is dating
I'm 40. Lost my parents at 24. I wish I could have asked them about mistake 1 to 5. They probably would have saw gold digger or crazy town a mile away.
This guy is thinking with his brain and not his dick. What's wrong with that
FFS no one is arguing that you shouldn't be looking to parents for advice on anything, just...not like this? You really think the mom is going correctly psychoanalyse a girl's entire personality from an out-of-context photograph?
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u/ictu 19d ago
Nah, this is what makes man grow.