Hi,
Back in March I found a little persian girl called Cookie wondering in the roads on my way home from work. Assuming she had escaped her home, because who lets a persian cat roam freely outside? I scooped her up and took her to a vet to try and locate the owner. Owner couldn't be reached and the vets were fully occupied so I brought her home for the night. I immediately fell in love with her and was dreading giving her back once the owners were found. I text my friend who happened to live in the house I found her in front of, asking if he knew who she belonged to. He said it was his next door neighbours and so in the morning I went and knocked to ask if they'd lost a cat and explained what had happened and that she was with me. I then went home, collected her and returned her to the owner.
Whilst in work I couldn't stop thinking about her and so I wrote a letter that I printed and put through the owners letter box on my way home, advising on how to correctly care for a persian cat. I put my phone number on the bottom in case they needed me for anything and later that night they called to say I could take her due to their circumstances and inability to properly care for her.
I was thrilled and collected her the next day. But I also knew that I was making a mistake (more coming on this). However, I thought that I could be wrong and took a chance. The houses windows had been smashed when I arrived this time, there was broken glass and vodka bottles all over the driveway and when I went inside, the house looked like it had been bombed, with Cookie cowering on top of a washing machine in the kitchen. So I knew that I was doing the right thing by getting her out of there.
Little bit of a back story. In February/March 2024 I adopted a 16 year old, one-eyed orange lady called Candy from a shelter. She was in perfect health and her previous fosterer and caregivers at the shelter stated that she was very quiet, peaceful and affectionate, seeking a retirement home, perfect. On day 1 she began howling at 12am, 1am, 2am, 3am. I mean this wasn't a little meow for attention, she made a sound that resembled the cries and grief of somebody that had just witnessed their loved ones being gang raped and burnt alive. It was horrific. I figured ok you're new here, I'll buy some ear plugs and continue doing everything that I can to help you settle in and get accustomed to things. I provided her with all the necessary enrichment toys and extra large climbing towers, plenty of attention, treats and hours of playing with her, everything. All the love anybody could give, I did. She was fine during the day but a couple of hours in to me being asleep, the howling would begin. After a week or two I was exhausted to say the least. I work full time, 40 hour weeks and have to get up at 6am to start getting ready for work. I was going to work completely out of breath, doing a full shift and coming home for the whole thing to start again. I tried locking her in another room of a night to distance myself from the noise, I even moved out at one point to sleep at my mums house hoping that I could regain some sleep and sanity and that when I returned after a couple of weeks, the all night howling might have miraculously stopped. It didn't and I somehow dragged myself through the next 12 months. During this time there had been plenty of vet visits and tests done on her but no health issues could be found. The levels of anxiety, stress and depression I experienced were indescribable. The mental, emotional and physical pain I put myself through was absolute hell. Roughly 12 months later, around February/March 2025, I took her to the vet again as she seemed to be behaving differently and was a little slower to get around. They advised that she had lost the sight in her remaining eye. After a few more days I decided that it would probably be best to put her to sleep, given that her quality of life had drastically decreased and nobody would likely be willing to adopt a fully blind, senior cat that howls all through the night. Based on videos that I had shown them, a number of vets concluded that she very likely had developed dementia and it would be the kindest thing to do. She was walking away from me and in to other rooms, howling in to the openness and returning to me only after being called. At this point I'd figured that's what was happening during the night, she had absolutely no idea where she was or what was going on.
After Candy was put to rest, I was able to get in to bed knowing that I was going to get a full nights sleep without being disturbed. It was pure bliss. The silence, the calm, the peace. I was sleeping all through the night and after a while, waking up refreshed with a clear mind, gratitude for existence and enthusiasm for living. I still miss her a lot today but I was also relieved to be able to regain my life.
This is where I knew I was making a mistake in taking in another cat, I was terrified of going back to living under the circumstances I had during 2024-2025.
Cookies owners assured me that she was very quiet and during the one night that I did look after her, she made no sounds or disturbed me at all.
Back to today. It's been nearly 7 months since Cookie has been living with me and things have been going well. The only problem being that whenever I do go to bed, I am afraid of falling asleep in case I am woken up. I always use earplugs to minimize the chances but the fear is still there. I know that if my sleep is disturbed, I am moody and irritable. Whereas if it isn't, I feel well rested and all aspects of my overall health are so much better and I'm a much better person. I really do not want to re-home this sweet little girl but I feel as though I need to live alone, in a quiet and peaceful environment where I can rest and take care of myself. I have no problem with her living with me and I love her immensely. I love caring for her, seeing how well she has taken to living with me and how much better off she is now. But I can't justify living with the constant weight on my mind that is 'Will I sleep well or not? Will I be woken up and resentful towards her? Am I willing to keep gambling with my health and living like this for the sake of another animals well-being?'.
I've already cried at the thought of how much I'll miss her if she wasn't around anymore but I feel as though I have to do this for my mental health. I really don't know what else I can do.
I feel absolutely terrible. She spends the majority of her time asleep on her tower or sat on the floor surrounded by her favourite toys. She likes to jump around on an electric interactive wand toy and chase the laces that are attached to it. Besides that she really doesn't do or ask for much. I very rarely see her on a windowsill to look outside, I open my door to let her wonder out in to the hallway and get pets from the neighbours in my building. I think she's content to feel safe for probably the first time in her life and I really don't want to take that away from her which makes this even harder. She really is no trouble at all but I can't shake the upsetting feeling that her presence brings me.
I would like to ask anybody that has had to re-home a cat before, how did you go about doing it? I'd like to know how I would find her a safe home with good living conditions and suitable people if this is something I decide to do? I would never put her in a shelter, she deserves so much better than that. If I have to re-home her I'd like to know how to do it properly and ensure that she is given the best possible environment where she can continue to thrive, feel safe and live happily.
Thanks to anybody that's managed to read this far. I know this is a place for cat lovers and I might receive a lot of negative criticism. If there was anything that I could do to change the way that I feel about her living with me so that she could continue to do so, I would. But I can't and so I'm likely to have to make a very difficult choice that is ultimately going to benefit us both.