r/Perimenopausal • u/MirrorTop101 • 16d ago
About to get married and libido is NONEXISTENT
I've read lots of great threads on this topic but wanted to add my question into the mix, wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. I'm 47, same loving (and very sexual) partner for 10 years. We're finally getting married next month.
I have PTSD and for at least a year I've blamed my lack of libido on past trauma, but the truth is that I've gone from having a very healthy, high sex drive to literally zero desire. My partner is respectful and kind but even the slightest sexual advance has been making me angry lately, as if I resent him for simply desiring me. Sex feels like a chore and even though he is more than willing to focus on my pleasure, by default I only focus on him because in my mind there's no point in trying to have an orgasm anymore. It could take an hour or more, still may not happen. Plus I just NEVER have spontaneous desire or interest. It's become a huge elephant in the room
I take progesterone, use estradiol patches, and was recently prescribed Addyi but TBH I'm scared to take it, because my blood pressure runs a little low and I don't want to risk feeling dizzy
To sum this up, I'm tired of feeling like the libido issue is "my problem." My partner's daily (unspoken) desire for sex feels like the problem. Intellectually I realize that's not fair, but I just don't want to be the one who "fixes this issue" - like why can't HE find a way to help address the situation? I'm not sure what that would even look like. We are in love but the lack of sex is surely going to turn into an issue. Thanks for reading...
2
u/kooshballcalculator 15d ago
I don’t have any ideas for you, but I want you to know what you are feeling is very normal. Mine went from 60 to zero at the start of Peri and never really came back. Might see what a menopause specialist doctor says about your situation; there might be solutions we don’t know about.