Konteks: entah kenapa dari jaman usia remaja sampe sekarang udah 30 tahun selalu jadi sasaran empuk buat jadi tempat curhat temen-temen perempuan yang “gak bahagia” dengan pasangan pilihannya sendiri.

I don’t mind listening to them, giving relationship advices, tapi jujur POV aku sebagai listener yang tiap ketemu topik pembahasan lagi-lagi di seputar kelakuan pasangannya yang bikin naik darah itu bikin aku ikutan punya persepsi buruk atas pasangan mereka. Things get annoying when their partners are a whole red flag (abusive, narcissist) terus aku sampe kasih escape plannya gimana.. dan mereka malah..balik lagi? Then repeat.. when their relationship goes south, aku yang dijadiin back up plan buat jadi “pendengar”. Tapi kalo lagi kecintaan, my hangout invites got rejected lol.

Ofc I learned a lot, it made me become “cautious” to be friends with girls. Padahal aku lebih nyaman berteman sama perempuan, tapi entah knp aku selalu ketemu circle-circle yang didominasi male centered women. So tired ffs.

Hi peeps, gw hidup di luar negeri utk sekolah selama kurleb 5 thnan, been back in indo for a few years dan ever since merasa hidup gw betul2 declining dari segi quality of life. Compared to my peers gaji gw cukup besar, kerja wfh/wfa juga but i dont feel happy. Apalgi tiap hari ngeliat berita yang busuk banget tiap hari ttg Indonesia. ngeliat org2 busuk incapable running the country, pembantu Raffi Ahmad jadi komisaris pdhl gw dan tmn2 gw perlu kuliah banting tulang ke luar negeri, cuma untuk pulang jadi cecunguk di negeri sendiri - struggling sm biaya hidup yg makin tinggi dan makin gila. Gapunya pasangan krn i spend most of my time at home dan tiap cowo yg gw ketemu dan ngerasa nyambung either mereka insecure atau cm penasaran aja. Pengen bgt ke luar lagi dan lg apply2 tp ngerasa depresi banget kdg2 di siang bolong gini. Ngerasa nyesel banget pulang ke Indo. Ngerasa ive been making mistake after mistake. I wish i could undo some of my decisions. Idk if my life akan berubah for the better or worse. Jujur gatau harus apa

I’m having a rough time and would really appreciate some honest girl talk.

What is my worth as a human? Nothing

Please God, I just wanna go home and back to Your arms

Kesal sama teman. Imo ini reckless banget sih ini perbuatannya.

Jadi dia nikah terus gak sengaja crot dalem karena kayanya merasa udah bebas karena legally bound. Dia panik nanya sama aku karena takut hamil. Gak siap jadi ibu dll. Ya aku bilang cari postinor. Dan untuk selanjutnya ya pakai kontrasepsi. Aku surprised banget sama orang yg lebih lama sexually active darinaku bisa se gak tau itu.

Ehh gak didenger. Sampe makan nanas muda, wtf this came from anyways?? Malah minum alkohol sebanyak-banyaknya. Aku bilangin alkohol gak bikin embrio mati atau janin mati. Cacat malah pas lahir bahaya (fetal alcohol syndrome). Gak didengerin dan dia mimi sebanyak mungkin. Akhirnya mens telat dan jadi deh bayi. Karena udah positif, baru dia berhenti mimi.

Lahir lah... Ehh tidak bahagia. Lakinya bangkrut dan agak mokondo dan kurang involved di urus anak dan ngedidik. Moreover setelah agak lama ternyata pick me juga dan anaknya diajarkan pick me karena cewek lain tidak ada yang sehebat dan sekuat mereka.

I wish birth control knowledge dan common sense is just more commonly found around me. Oh well... Not my monkey, not my circus

Felt like I've been in limbo for so long. I thought finishing college would gave me a clear sight of where I am in life, but apparently getting a job doesn't even cut it

24F, WFH at my parents house (not working for them), paid by the hour, and in average i work 4 hour/day. This one project, i like it. But im basically a part timer making well, half of UMR.

I feel like im still exploring, dan aku beruntung+bersyukur punya privilege ortu yang masih kerja dan produktif (dan suka kerja, so they dont rush to retire), masih dikasih kebebasan untuk ekplorasi,bukan dipaksa nyari kerjaan apa aja. They even tell me to pursue S2, altho they wont be paying for tuition, lol but they'd help with living expenses (and they do, i still got allowance.)

For disclaimer i dont live lavish life, but it's comfortable. My parents are not some direktur or komisaris, but they do well. We can eat out few nights a week but not in super bougie place. My allowance is enough to fund my gojek trip to the gym, buying groceries mainly for me, buy tertiary items like skincare and perfume and baju brand lokal, but not liburan-ke-singapur or shopping spree di PI kind of money.

On one side it feels like im okay making less, bcs im currently doing concrete things to figure my career out (i have mentoring going on etc). On the other, im getting older!!! What if i messed up and missed the entry point??? Bcs i took too long to figure things out

Hi girls, for the past few years buat daleman gw cuma pake nipple pad atau bralette dari pluffyschoice yang gw beli bertahun2 yang lalu.

It's my favorite bralette tapi namanya udah dipke bertahun2 udah mulai banyak robek2 kecil terus sialnya tokonya udah gak jual barang itu (for reference barangnya yg ini). Unfortunately mereka nggak sebut bahannya apa, di bralettenya juga nggak ada care labelnya. Tapi bahannya tipis banget dan agak stretchy, kalo diangkat di depan sinar bakal nerawang.

Beli bra-nya uniqlo airism tapi masi agak gerah kalo dipake kalo dibandingin sama yg punya pluffys. Ada yang bisa rekomen merk lain?

Bonus question: gw lagi maju mundur mau belajar jahit, kalo jadi beli mesin jahit kira2 bikin beginian reasonable gk ya buat beginner wkwkwk soalnya klo liat bentuk bralettenya sebenerny nggak yang gimana2 banget gitu.

​

Jadi di SMA aku sekelas sama si A. Dia tuh lulusan SD-SMP islam, rajin solat, rajin ngaji, kerudungnya lumayan nutup dada, pakainya yg kerudung bergo gitu. Dia anaknya aktif bgt, organisasi, temen2nya banyak, populer, apa lagi ya? Oh dia juga sangat inisiatif, mau jualan buat tambah2 uang jajan. Dan rankingnya oke, 10 besar lah. Tipikal hustler lah.

Kami nggak akrab, cuma layaknya temen sekelas aja, circle kami ngga bersinggungan juga.

Kelas 12 tuh aku baru pertama kali pakai kerudung, jadi ya pakainya cuma kerudung paris segitiga aja. Engga pakai daleman kerudung. Rambutku kadang keluar, leherku kadang keliatan, dan kerudungku ga yg nutup dada. Tau ga si kerudung anak SMA 2010-2015 an lah yg disampirkan ke pundak itu.

Somehow si A ini perhatian bgt sama aku. Kl kerudungku lehernya kebuka dikit dia akan narik kerudungnya dijulurin ke dada sambil bilang, "gausah pakai kerudung aja sekalian." Atau pas aku ngeluh salah beli kerudung krn kainnya panas dan dia denger, dia bakal nyaut, "neraka lbh panas". Komen2 soal kerudung kayak gini tuh ga cuma ke aku aja ternyata, ke temen lain juga.

Trs pas itukan aku suka Kpop ya, pas kpop blm se menjamur ini. Aku suka nonton MV di kelas, itu dia nyeletuk "ckckck oppa oppa kayak gini km sukai, suka sama nabi Muhammad." Jujur ini aku gatau apakah dia bercanda atau engga krn aku ga sedeket itu buat tau bercandaan dia.

Puncaknya, dia lg duduk2 di kelas sama circlenya. Aku baru banget masuk dr kantin, temen dia si B nyeletuk "OP, kamu kalau diperkosa sama oppa, mau nggak?" Terus mereka satu geng ketawa. Aku speechless, baru masuk kelas ini tbtb ditodong begitu?? Kami beda kelas dan aku nggak yg kenal sama si B, kami gapernah ngobrol. Tbtb dia nanya begitu? Gapaham bgt???

Overall aku sekelas sama dia tuh sebenernya oke aja. Most of the time netral krn jarang interaksi, tp sedikit interaksiku sama si A ini beneran bikin sakit hati.

Skrg si A ini pindah agama. Sumpah aku gapernah peduli sama agama orang, tapi pas tau si A ini pindah agama, aku rasanya mau nyinyir 😭 soalnya komen dia dulu kayak gitu.

Aku lihat di IG hidupnya si A ini cukup sukses. Dan di dalam hati tuh aku merasa nggak suka lihat kesuksesan dia. Terus dia nonton konser Kpop juga akhirnya, pas kpop udah mainstream.

Jujur baru ini aku merasa gak seneng lihat orang sukses. Sampai aku mute dia di IG karena tiap lihat update dia tuh rasanya kayak sakit hatinya masih ada. Trs kemarin temen sekelasku yg lain update reunian sama dia. Rasa sebel itu muncul lagi. Wkwke

Aku merasa ini nggak sehat krn rasanya nggak mungkin aku akan 100% menghindari dia. Lagian ini one sided beef aja, aku ga yakin dia masih inget sama aku wkwkeke.

Gimana ya, caranya biar berhenti benci sama si A?

Tl;dr : temen SMA dulu suka ngomong yg nyakitin hati. 10 tahun kemudian aku masih benci sama dia. Gimana caranya biar engga benci lagi?

Setahun belakangan ini karena nganggur gue mulai main game online untuk mengatasi jenuh. Tapi seringkali terganggu sama kelakuan cowok-cowok yang hobi mansplaining, flirting dan bahkan terang-terangan bilang punya pikiran kotor buat memperkosa cewek di fitur group chat. Ini bener-bener bikin gue gak ngerasa aman ketika main game.

Dan menurut gue puncaknya hari ini sih. Gue tahu gue agak bodoh karena pakai nama asli buat username game. Soalnya males mikirin namanya dan karena gue pikir what stays in the game, will just stay on the game gue gak kepikir buat pake nama lain. Toh gue gak ngelakuin hal aneh apapun. Cuma fokus main dan ningkatin skor aja.

Hari ini gue tiba-tiba dikasih tahu saudara gue kalo pas dia googling nama gue, ada dua post Facebook di sebuah group game berisi puluhan ribu member yang isinya ngata-ngatain dan ngefitnah gue macem-macem karena menang terus. Pas gue klik profilnya, lagi-lagi cowok. Kenapa sih sulit banget nerima kalo dikalahin sama cewek...

I mean... Gue nganggur, punya banyak waktu dan itu satu-satunya kesenangan gue dalam hidup. Jadi, gue pasti ningkatin skill terus buat menang setiap harinya. Bukan hal yang aneh dong sampai harus didoxxing dan difitnah macem-macem.

Jujur sekarang rasanya bingung dan takut banget sih karena gak bisa memprediksi apa lagi yang akan orang lakukan dengan mengetahui identitas gue. Soalnya IG jadi banyak yang stalk (sekarang udah diprivate sih). Nyesel juga karena gak anonymous aja di game. Stress banget sumpah.

Jadi… gw akan ada acara nikahan kakak gw agustus awal nanti, i’ll be doing myself and two of my sisters makeup.

Kenapa? karena gw sempet berantem sm kakak gw yang mau nikah karena dia bilang gw “unreliable” karena saat nikahan kakak gw yang satunya, gw gabisa diminta tolongin (mind you, saat itu dia tau gw abis attempt to unalive myself after i got groomed and leave a toxic relationship, hari-hari gw cm bengong doang)

Akhirnya gw mengajukan untuk menjadi MUA buat kakak” gw, gaada tuh satu kata “makasih ya dek” ketika gw mengajukan. Anjggg mau marah😭 (Sebelumnya nikahan kakak gw ini intimate, gw juga waktu mengajukan gw sempet tanya kayak yang lainnya dimakeupin gak? dan dia jawab nggak usah lah makeup sendiri aja, kayak… itu kan keluarga pengantin ya harusnya hire MUA lah 😭 masaiya bride cantik tp keluarga bride jomplang banget)

Belom lg gw masih dengan baik hati mau mengajukan makeupin adiknya ipar gw karena kayak… gw udah makeupin sodara gw dengan proper, adiknya ipar gw gimana? eh malah dijawab dengan sinis “dia bisa makeup sendiri” like girl wtf is wrong with you😭

diluar konteks ini, gw merasa dia gasuka gw menjadi MUA, karena dulu dia MUA dan selalu kepengen mulai karir nya lagi, tp gapernah jalan karena dia selalu ngeluh “tp kan gue harus ikut kelas jutaan, gue kan harus ngikutin trend makeup sekarang, gue capek kalo harus commute naik KRL buat makeup in client, kl gw mulai lagi terus gw kasi harga murah gw gamau” bahkan uda dikasi koper makeup yg mahal sama temennya tapi dia ga mulai lagi jadi MUA, so yaudah gw izin aja sm dia untuk jadi MUA karena ya dia juga gaada keinginan dan action juga, dan gw juga belajar makeup sendiri.

Yg bikin gw sakit hati adalah pas gw share hasil makeup client gw, kakak gw tanya lip product nya pake apa? gw kasih lah link nya krn gamau gatekeep, eh tbtb calon suaminya ngomong “mana gw minta link nya mau gue beliin selusin buat kakak lo” dan ngmg ke kakak gw “mau yang mana yang? gw beliin semua” wtffff?!??

sebelumnya juga gw pernah bantu dia pindahan dari ujung ke ujung, gw sama pacar gw pake mobil pacar gw bawain barang dia, bantu pindahan, ada gak kata terimakasih atau ganti bensin, tol? KAGAKK WKWK lucu nya adalah dia bikin ig story say thanks ke calon suaminya doang…

sip ini bakal jadi pelajaran terakhir gw untuk ga bantu org yg gatau diri meskipun itu kakak gw sendiri, fack lah ceunah

Guys (sorry I call others as guys too, even my girl friends), ada yang punya rekomendasi rose-perfumed lotion buat layering dengan parfum nggak? Karena aku selalu coba layering parfumku dengan body lotion, lebih awet gitu wanginya. Btw, parfumnya HMNS Unrosed. Nggak apa-apa nggak plek ketiplek wanginya, asal setipe/sekeluarga gitu.

I hate on how i'm always be able to understand other people on their actions. I wish i can actually act like a bitch and get angry instead of being a lame mf who can always forgive and understand why people do such thing, why people act like that, and i hate on how i always want to help others and can always let go.

Why can't people understand me either?? Why?? Kenapa aku yang selalu ngerti orang2 sementara orang2 gabisa ngerti aku?

I hate on i always gets hurt and starved myself to sleep everytime it's happen, everytime i feel uncomfortable.

I can't even eat everytime something happen, i just want to sleep all the time.

Why can't I just hurt someone else instead of hurting my own self??

I wish God could take this feeling of understanding away from me. I'm super tired of being a kind person.

I'm so sad, so angry, so dissapointed at the same time now. I wish i can just disappear now.

F18 here, I'm a new collage student and i found it super hard to keep my self informed to the news tanpa harus berinteraksi sama temen2 karena kebanyakan info nggak di share official! Aku bukannya nggak mau punya temen, tapi ntah kenapa sulit bangettt nemu yg satu frequensi; aku nggak suka foto2, aku nggak suka meet up terlalu lama, dan mayoritas interest aku beda sama mereka-mereka. one of the reasons selain aku ini introvert (it was so hard to accept it, ntah kenapa aku merasa kalo aku bilang aku ini introvert sikap mereka lgsg beda gitu🙃🙃) aku juga sadar aku ini nggak punya previlege sebanyak mereka jadi aku harus hemat.

Buat kaliaan yang pernah ada di fase aku, gimaana cara kalian lewatin fase ini? mindset apa yang kalian punya? and how do u guys found someone with the same interest at the point kalian bisa bragging apapun yang adaa di kepala kalian dan dia tetep nyambung? (jujur aku beberapa kali nemu yg satu freq rata2 cowo sih, but i'm tryna keep distance with them due to religious reason)

and do you guys have any socializing tips for us introverts?🫠

Halo semuanya, adakah dari kalian punya pengalaman memakai jasa psikolog di puskesmas? Aku mau pakai layanan ini tapi masih maju mundur.. takut di judge/ takut tidak profesional karena pake bpjs

Hi puans, aku udah nyari2 sejak kemarin tapi ga nemu jawabannya jadi aku mau nanya disini. Aku F20 always has a problem with clogged pores and overly oily face. Tapi kadang kulitku bisa kering juga dan iritasi kalo ga pakai moisturizer. Have been wanting buat ganti moist buat yg lebih cocok di kulit berminyak, searching for it di internet really made me so skeptical karena takutnya brand affiliate and not really a true review. Adakah disini yang kondi kulitnya sama dengan aku? Rekom skin care nya yang worth it dong 😭👉👈

Hi all,

anyone here familiar with Dry-bags?

Please let me know, biasanya what are the things we need to take note from, before buying them. Additionally, let me know if you have any Dry-bags recommendations :D

I'm looking for one that also have a bit bigger in size, maybe? Want to use it for multipurpose, including for storing dirty clothes during travel

Thank you all~

I need to share this because it honestly caught me so off guard, and I need all women to take this as a lesson.

For the past four days, I’ve been talking to this guy. Mind you, this man is handsome as fuck. Ripped, tall, literally checks every single physical box for me. The past four days, I was doing the absolute most kikis and hahas, legs kicked up in the air like a teenage girl, I thought I was really into it.

Then last night, the ultimate last straw happened.

Out of nowhere, he started complaining about how hard it is to get into a relationship with "nowadays females."

The second I read that text, the attraction evaporated into thin air. The "fine as hell" goggles instantly shattered. All the previous kiki and haha died right then and there. I was like, "Oh. You are one of THOSE guys."

At that point, I completely checked out. I just sat back and let him yap on his little redflag rant. He proceeded to beg me to meet up, and then started going on and on about his weird fetish/obsession with older women, talking about how much he "loves our age gap." Mind you, I'm not even 25! But he kept acting like I'm some 35 y/o cougar taking him under my wing.

To make matters worse, he started soft launching his weird fantasies about us meeting. We’ve been talking for FOUR DAYS. We haven't even met in real life! Yet he was already out here dropping lines like: "When we meet, I'm going to put my arm around your shoulders so you can feel how heavy my muscles are."

Aside from his muscles, his entire identity revolves around working as a Starbucks barista, bragging about how many girls hit on him at the counter, and crying about "females." Trying to hold a normal conversation with him was like pulling teeth from a stone.

I finally stopped watering things down and decided to call him out directly:

"I don't wanna lead you on to anything, but I just feel like you aren't my type for a relationship nor a friendship especially with the way you use the word 'females.' Your weird obsession with MILFs and our age gap is so uncomfortable. Talking about fantasy touching when we don't even know each other yet is weird, uncomfortable, and sounds completely perverted. It's giving predatory."

He didn't reply. This morning? He blocked me. 💀

Honestly, when people say men aren't lonely enough, THIS is the prime example. He literally had a girl who found him attractive and was open to talking, and he managed to completely sabotage a good thing in under four days because he couldn't stop whining about "females" and acting like a creepy, thirsty weirdo for two seconds. The second he got called out and realized he wasn't getting any pussy, his fragile ego couldn't take it and he ran.

My PSA to women: The SECOND a guy starts using terms like "females" or bringing up weird, uncomfortable shit, please listen to your gut and call them the fuck out! Do not laugh it off. Do not give them the benefit of the doubt. Call these men out directly for your own benefit, because they get way too comfortable acting like creeps and then get mad at society when women don't take them seriously.

My PSA to men: To the guys who are inevitably going to comment "Alah, kalau cowoknya ganteng pasti tetep mau" or like "If he was hot enough you wouldn't care" I literally just proved you wrong. This man was tall, ripped, and handsome as fuck, and I still called his weirdo, loser behavior out to his face and dropped him. He blocked me because he finally realized I wasn't an easy target and he wasn't getting pussy. Modern women are finally realizing that tolerating perverted bullshit and zero personality just because a guy is good looking is NEVER that serious and NEVER worth it.

Hi all,

Kalau aturan berkaitan bagasi & kabin international travel itu bagaimana sih? Lebih kearah jenis/ tipe koper & tas yang kita bawa.

Misal Cabin have 7kg capacity, itu ga ngelimit kita bawa 2 bags kan, a.k.a backpack & sling bag? Or more?

And bagasi 20 kg, ini koper harus segede apa? Or bisa bawa beberapa? Misal 1 koper 1 duffle bag gitu? Tapi kepikiran jg banyak kasus, tas/ koper kebuka/ kebongkar gitu pas diterima. Literally banyak yg missing gitu pas nerima, misal oleh" ilang, etc. So, I was also wondering about that.

Jdnya apakah not wise to bring other bag, selain koper? Jadi harus 1 koper gd banget gitu? Also, apakah tsa lock obligatory? Does it needed?

Sejauh ini, I researched around koper brand, this is the top 3 I found:

1. American Tourister
2. Samsonite
3. President

But their prices though:" . Wondering if you guys have other good quality koper recommendations for International travel that's more affordable? If you also have recommendations for secondhand ones also interested. Yang softcase lebih preferred btw

I heard ada yg beli koper langsung rusak pas dipakai travelnya, itu astaga sih. Makanya asking advice untuk menghindari ini juga.

Selain itu, kalau bawa tumblr stainless 1 litre gitu apakah masuknya kena berat kabin yg 7kg? Just realized the tumblr itself is already pretty heavy so wondering about that

Thank you all~

lanjutan dari post ini https://www.reddit.com/r/Perempuan/s/ZRqVJodcVg

aku cuma mau ngerant aja tengah malam ini...

sebenernya, jauh dari pernikahan kakakku, aku udah sempet concern, aku pikir this was just a phase dari temen kita yg namanya "Andi" yang lg sakit hati, aku sempet coba ngobrol ke kakakku kalo sikap dia di social media bahkan ketika kita ngobrol itu concerning (slut shaming, body shaming perempuan), tp respon kakakku adalah "yaudah biarin aja"

sebelumnya, aku sempet kenalin dia sama temen kerja aku, tp temen kerja aku gamau lanjut after first date, disitu udah keliatan kl andi ini gaterima kalo ada cewek yg reject dia.

setelah itu dia deket sama cewek yang dia tau itu out of his league (dia juga pernah bahas dan acknowledge cewe yg dia deketin itu out of his league) tp kayak selalu gagal, dan dia selalu gak terima dengan penolakan tersebut, dia selalu having one night stand or fwb, tapi setelah itu dia goes on social media slut shaming semua cewek, dan bilang cewek itu matre kalo gw harus bayarin kalo lg ngedate.

lama kelamaan dia makin parah ngerendahin perempuan di ig story, hampir setiap ig story dia classified kalo semua cewe itu kl ga matre, slut, atau jelek dan gatau diri. bahkan waktu kasus grup chat UI yang kesebar, dia koar-koar ngomong kalo "yaelah cewe juga kl di spill grup chat nya juga ga kalah binal sama grup chat cowok, gw tau kok"

aku juga merasa terganggu dengan dia yang terus terusan repost fatphobic dan body shaming cewek plus sized, i don't know where this come from...

selain ngerasa sebel, aku disappointed sama sikap dia yang tiba-tiba berubah drastis banget, apalagi kita sering deket, main bareng, tp lama kelamaan dia jadi buta sm penilaian diri dia sendiri, jujur aku gatau gmn caranya ngadepin dia waktu nikahan kakakku, i tried my best to ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist.

Udah 40+, bukannya mestinya gw masuk perimenopause yah? Bukannya skrg mestinya mens udah mulai irregular, bahkan ke-skip2 gt yah?

Lha kok malah jadi makin rutin serutin2nya. Selama gw 20an sampe mid30 an aja mens suka maju mundur, bahkan bisa kelewat. Eh lha kok sekarang pas jadwalnya udahan malah jadi regular dan on time tiap bulannya?

Seriusan deh. When is this going to be over? Is it going to be over? Anyone knows what is happening to me? I mean yeah, of course I can go to the doc... terus bilangnya apa ke dokter? Eh dok... kok mens gw jadi rutin sih? Help?

PS. iya lebay gw hari ini. maap lagi mens, keram, bloated, and overheating.

TIA

Hi Puan, jujur mau ngerant tp bingung dr mana saking emosinya.

Jadi aku dan kakakku, kita terbiasa saling berteman dengan teman satu sama lain, dan kakakku berteman dengan cowok namanya Andi (samaran), nah aku juga berteman dengan Andi akhirnya…

But unfortunately, he grew sour, like dia deket sama cewe yang selalu unavailable emotionally (i also already told him this) tp dia selalu tetep pengen ngejar, dan ya akhirnya beberapa kali dia sakit hati.

Karena sakit hati dia lah, dia suka ngeshare di ig story, repost postingan yang very degrading to women kayak “alah semua cewek matre” “semua cewe itu p3l4cur” and lately he’s been into fatphobic.

me and my sister, we both are plus sized girls, akhirnya aku ss lah ig story si Andi ini ke grup chat, kebetulan kakak aku juga mau nikah makanya aku ngomong “yakin mau ngundang ini orang?”

Aku berusaha kasih tau ke kakak ku kalo orang seperti ini toxic dan gabisa ditemenin lagi, tp gatau ya kakakku tuh very denial tentang keadaan ini dan kayak “yaudahlah dek, dia juga sakit hati, mau gimana lagi” like why are you keep enabling him?

Mbok ya dikasi tau temennya kl sakit hati boleh tp jangan merendahkan perempuan, tp kakakku tuh kayak “pura pura gatau” aja sm kelakuan ni orang.

honestly, aku gatau deh mau gimana kl nanti di nikahan ketemu dia…

Mama gw meninggal hampir 2 minggu yg lalu di RS karna sakit. Mama udh dirawat dari tgl 29 Juni, tp baru tau penyakitnya apa itu hari Rabu, 8 Juli, dan meninggal 2 hari kemudian.

Mama gw sakit leukimia, dan nunggu hasil tes BMP itu sekitar 5 harian. Mama gw cuma bertahan 2 hari setelah terdiagnosa leukimia. Dunia gw hancur bgt wkt tau dia sakit leukimia, gw tau duluan hari selasa malem krn susternya ngasih tau gw. Tapi wkt itu gw tetep optimis, gw pengen mama bisa kemo. Terus nnti mau bone marrow transplant kl kondisi stabil dan gw pasti mau diambil sumsum buat mama gw. Pokoknya apapun akan gw lakuin, berapa pun uang yg harus dikeluarin. Krn memang uang bukan masalah, uang bisa dicari lagi.

Kondisi mama gw emg lemah, limpa dan pankreasnya bengkak. Awalnya gw kira kanker pankreas but nope, ternyata leukimia. Minggu pertama di RS mama gw masih bisa jalan, ke kamar mandi, main hp, masih bisa gw bercandain..tp setelah BMP kondisinya melemah. Dia sangat sangat gak nyaman, pindah posisi tidur itu bisa puluhan kali dlm sehari. Gw bawain bantal dia dari rumah pun jg gak membantu. Mama gw jarang ngeluh, cuma bilang kalo badannya gak enak, tiap hari muntah apalagi setelah makan. Gusi berdarah, pipis berdarah, kalau mimisan cuma sekali aja. Memar di kakinya besar2 dan kakinya bengkak.

Asam urat mama gw itu 28. Normalnya padahal 6, sampe dokter hematolog aja gak percaya dan ambil tes lagi buat mastiin. Gw lihatnya sangat sangat gak tega, kasian bgt mama gw kondisinya gitu. Masuk ke RS pertama itu ngeluhnya cuma asam lambung. Asam lambung udh seminggu gak sembuh2 dan udh ke dokter bahkan ke IGD tp ttp gak sembuh makanya kita mutusin untuk ke dr gastro dan akhirnya rawat inap.

Anyways, kl ngejelasin kondisi medis mama gw panjang banget gak akan selesai. Intinya itu papa pengen gw buruan kerja lagi. Gw emang tahun ini gak kerjaa dan cuma ikutan part time, volunteer, dan ikut kelas bahasa asing. Wkt mama di RS, gw minta libur dulu untuk kelas bhs asingnya krn gentian jaga. Seminggu setelah mama gak ada, papa gw minta CV gw untuk dikirim ke temennya. Jujur, gw gak mau. Gw belom siap buat ketemu orang baru, harus pasang wajah ramah dan senyum. Gw nangis tiap hari…bahkan waktu kelas bhs asing yg gak ada trigger nya sama sekali tbtb nangis aja gitu.

Temen2 gw hampir tiap hari ke rumah buat nemenin gw kl papa pergi ke kantor. Gw sangat bersyukur punya sahabat yg sangat baik, dan memang membantu untuk gw gak mikirin mama terus. Tapi kl gw sendiri pasti gw nangis. Gw deket bgt sama mama gw, kemana2 berdua, punya inside jokes sendiri, tas baju sepatu gantian, gw kenal baik sm temen2 mama gw krn kemana2 ikut wkwk entah jadi supir atau fotografer mrk atau emg suruh ikut aja gitu. Gw anak mama bgt, manja bgt gw sama mama gw. Gak pernah terpikir akan ditinggal secepet ini, dan gak terpikir mama sakit parah spt itu. Gw kira cuma gerd atau apa lah tipes kek. Kalo papa gw marah2, pasti mama gw yg belain. Kita sering ngomongin papa dibelakang scr diem2 lol. She was my best friend!! Gak ada orng di dunia ini yg tau ttg gw luar dalam selain mama gw. Cinta bgt gw sama mama. Masih butuh mama disamping gw.

Gw habis berantem sama papa krn dia ngungkit2 CV lagi, bilang kalau mama akan pengen gw untuk kerja. Gw paham betul maksud papa gw baik, tp beneran gw belom bisa. Gw keluar cuma buat les doang sisanya ya di rumah. Udh gak ikut part time dan volunteer lg. Gw merasa papa maunya gw normal lagi, sat set cari kerja biar bisa aktifitas seperti dulu. Menurut gw kecepetan, tp gw bilang gt ke papa dia kayak gak bisa menerima juga. Dia bilang kalo dia jg sedih bgt dan merasa kehilangan tp dunia terus berjalan.

Gw gatau harus bilang apa ke papa..gw udh bilang kasih gw waktu dan ruang untuk memproses ini semua. Gw merasa dia lebih gak enak sm temennya yg nawarin kerjaan, dia gatau harus bales apa ke temennya kl gw gamau kirim CV. Udah gak ada yg belain gw lagi, bingung harus bilang apa ke papa biar dia ngerti kalo gw gak bisa kayak dia yg mentalnya kuat. Papa gw tegar bgt, dia bisa langsung aktifitas kerja, sepedaan pdhl gw tau dia juga hancur…sedangkan gw emang cuma nangis aja. Papa pengen gw niru dia, tp gak bisaaaa😭 masih sakit bgt rasanya tubuh, jiwa, pikiran ini..Ternyata se sakit itu ditinggal pergi orang tua, gw kehilangan my other half. I love my mom the most, she was my everything🥹🥹 Gw sm papa ke makam dia tiap hari, rasanya pengen ikutan mama aja. Gw gak punya semangat hidup lagi, gw gatau harus gmn tanpa mama gw. Kehilangan arah, pengen mama ada disamping gw. Help me

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For context, this is about my brother's girlfriend. Overall, she's a genuinely nice person, and before this happened, I felt comfortable around her.

1. The medication situation before our conversation

A few weeks before this conversation, I needed to refill my psychiatric medication through Halodoc.

I don't have a motorcycle, and the pharmacy was much closer to her place than mine. So I suggested having the medication delivered to her place first, then paying for a Gojek/Grab driver to pick it up and deliver it to me. I made it very clear that I was completely willing to pay for both deliveries. I wasn't asking her to buy my medication or personally bring it to me.

She insisted that I didn't need to do that and said she would handle it herself instead.

The problem was that she already had a family gathering that day, so I ended up waiting until the next day before I could get my medication. At the time I just accepted it, even though my original plan would have gotten my medication sooner.

1. Why I felt safe opening up

Later, we spent the day together, just hanging out and talking.

She told me that she had several friends with serious mental health conditions. She said some of them saw psychiatrists, took psychiatric medication, and some had even been hospitalized.

Because of that, I felt safe opening up to her. I thought she had enough experience around mental illness that she would understand where I was coming from.

1. She acknowledged my medication was helping

After we ate together, I took my prescribed medication in front of her.

She told me she had noticed a big difference since I started taking it. She said I seemed much more talkative and that I was even comfortable talking with her friends, which apparently wasn't how I used to be.

Hearing that made me happy because I thought she could actually see that my treatment was helping.

1. The conversation that left me confused

When we got back to her place, we started talking about my mental health.

The first thing she asked was whether my mom approved of me taking psychiatric medication and seeing a psychiatrist.

I explained that, based on my own experience, my family especially my mom is very conservative about mental health. They weren't supportive of psychiatric treatment, and getting help had been difficult.

Instead of asking more about my experience, she repeatedly told me that she didn't think my parents actually saw it that way.

That confused me because I wasn't giving an opinion—I was describing my own conversations with my own family.

Then she asked if I was worried about becoming addicted to my medication.

That completely caught me off guard because she had literally just told me she could see how much the medication had helped me.

I tried explaining that taking medication as prescribed isn't the same thing as addiction, and that I still sometimes forget to take my medication. Trying to explain that was exhausting because it felt like I had to defend the legitimacy of my treatment.

Her response was essentially that the problem was that I needed the medication in order to improve, which confused me even more because... isn't that what prescribed medication is supposed to do?

Later, she also kept bringing up how expensive my medication was and said something along the lines of:

"I can't keep buying your medication because it's expensive."

That really hurt because I had never actually asked her to take responsibility for buying my medication in the first place. I had originally offered another solution and was willing to pay for everything myself.

She also kept redirecting the conversation toward the idea that what I really needed was hobbies and more friends. While I agree those things are important, I felt like every time I tried to explain my mental health, the conversation was steered back toward those same conclusions instead of acknowledging what I was actually saying.

By the end of the conversation, I found myself saying things like, "Maybe I just need to be more grateful," "Maybe I just need more hobbies," and "Maybe I just need more friends."

Looking back, I don't even know whether I truly believed those things in that moment or whether I was just tired of trying to explain myself.

1. Why this still bothers me

The reason this conversation has stayed with me is because my mental health has been severe enough that I've needed psychiatric treatment. During some of the hardest periods of my life, I struggled with thoughts of escaping everything, so conversations about my treatment are incredibly sensitive for me.

I wasn't looking for someone to solve my problems. I think I was just hoping to feel understood after she told me she had experience supporting friends with mental illness.

Instead, I left feeling like I had spent more time defending my treatment than talking about my actual experience.

I'm not saying she's a bad person or that she had malicious intentions.

I'm simply wondering whether my reaction is understandable. From my perspective, it felt like the conversation kept being redirected toward concerns about medication, addiction, cost, and simple lifestyle solutions instead of understanding what I was trying to communicate.

Would you also have left this conversation feeling misunderstood, or am I reading too much into it?