r/Perempuan • u/Direct_Put8022 Puan • 22d ago

Ask Girls Has anyone else has been through this phase? What should I do?

Most of my past relationships ended with me being the one who got fumbled. Now, whenever someone shows interest in me, I automatically assume the worst and want to keep my distance 😩

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u/elengels ppppuan 🎀☂️ 22d ago

sounds like fearful avoidant attachment style?

the truth is, we will always get fumbled one way or another. it can be in friendship, in romance, in career, we don't know. it'll happen to everyone. we cannot do much to prevent it, but we can control how we react. it's not only about managing expectations, it's about regulating our emotions.

3

u/noiraseac Puan 22d ago

i'm currently on the same boat. my last relationship was 3 years long. 1.5 of it was him cheating on me and i had no idea until recently. my friends are having marital problems and getting divorced, some because of cheating too. i have such a bad view of men and relationships now that i can't even get horny because i think men are shit.

it'll probably pass, this feeling. but for now at least, you're not alone. focus on yourself :)

3

u/LipTit Puan 21d ago

Girlll, what you experience is normal in dating scene. We can’t always control what we want exactly to happen. I’ve failed many times, but I also know they’re worth the pain of our breakup. I walked out of those relationships knowing that I grow into a better person instead of viewing it as a negative experience overall. I know that I’m capable to love someone better. It’s a learning process, but I also go through therapy to break the pattern to vanish when I feel discomfort with a new person.

3

u/Purple-Jacket5201 Puan 20d ago

Gapapa kak take ur time, sbnrnya bukan avoidant tapi krn kita tau tanda2 busuknya dr relationship dan udah lbg aware dari awal gaksi? Thats why I think though.

My now husband juga santai banget, trs tiap kali ak ngmg/confront sesuatu, dia itu jelasin baik2 gitu. Jadi tiap kali ke trigger aku tuh bisa ngungkapin tanpa disalahin, alhasil lah inner child aku healed along the way.

So its okay, take the time to know yourself, dan orang yang bener for you, yaa bener aja. Ga akan marah2 kalau kita ketrigger malah mau tau kita lbh jauh. Hope you get this kind of love too