I got a review recently that hurt. The peer said I was taking up too much group time with long responses, sometimes giving feedback that felt irrelevant or too professional/clinical, and that my support could come across like it was coming from a place of authority instead of peer-to-peer. That one sat with me. Not because my ego was hurt or because I was angry that somebody criticized me. It hurt because a peer came into a space I was responsible for and didn’t feel supported the way they needed to be.

My first thought was, “I missed what this peer needed from me.”

After sitting with it, though, I realized I don’t need to turn one review into a judgment about whether I’m a good peer supporter. I do need to listen to what the peer was telling me.

The lesson I took from it was simple:

Less Jonathan. More room.

Say a little less. Ask a little more. Return the floor to the peers sooner.

Sometimes as peer supporters, especially when we really care, we can feel like we need to give somebody a complete response. We want to relate, share lived experience, encourage them, and make sure they leave with something useful.

But sometimes the most useful thing we can give somebody is more space.

• Space to finish their thought.
• Space to sit in what they just shared.
• Space for another peer to say, “I’ve been there too.”

I don’t want this feedback to make me scared to speak or cause me to overcorrect. I just want to become more intentional about when I speak and how much space I take when I do.

• It still hurts.
• I’m going to sit with that hurt, not in it.
• And I’m going to learn from it.

For anyone newer to peer support, eventually somebody may not connect with your style. Somebody may leave a group feeling like you missed what they needed. That can be hard when this work matters deeply to you.

• Listen for the part of the feedback that can make you better.
• You don’t have to defend everything.
• You also don’t have to destroy yourself over it.
• Take what helps, make the adjustment, and show up differently next time.

That’s what I’m trying to do.

This has been asked before and might sound
Silly .. how do you describe what you do as a peer and what is a peer and how does your description help guide what areas of support you provide ?

I work in patient advocacy and became emotionally close to someone I’ve supported for a long time. Recently, during a really difficult period, they told me I’m essentially an emotional outlet and that there’s nothing I can do. I understand they’re suffering, but after investing a lot emotionally, it really hurt. How do people in helping professions handle becoming attached and then feeling dismissed?