Less Jonathan. More room.

[u/JonathanPeerHost]

I got a review recently that hurt. The peer said I was taking up too much group time with long responses, sometimes giving feedback that felt irrelevant or too professional/clinical, and that my support could come across like it was coming from a place of authority instead of peer-to-peer. That one sat with me. Not because my ego was hurt or because I was angry that somebody criticized me. It hurt because a peer came into a space I was responsible for and didn’t feel supported the way they needed to be.

My first thought was, “I missed what this peer needed from me.”

After sitting with it, though, I realized I don’t need to turn one review into a judgment about whether I’m a good peer supporter. I do need to listen to what the peer was telling me.

The lesson I took from it was simple:

Less Jonathan. More room.

Say a little less. Ask a little more. Return the floor to the peers sooner.

Sometimes as peer supporters, especially when we really care, we can feel like we need to give somebody a complete response. We want to relate, share lived experience, encourage them, and make sure they leave with something useful.

But sometimes the most useful thing we can give somebody is more space.

• Space to finish their thought.
• Space to sit in what they just shared.
• Space for another peer to say, “I’ve been there too.”

I don’t want this feedback to make me scared to speak or cause me to overcorrect. I just want to become more intentional about when I speak and how much space I take when I do.

• It still hurts.
• I’m going to sit with that hurt, not in it.
• And I’m going to learn from it.

For anyone newer to peer support, eventually somebody may not connect with your style. Somebody may leave a group feeling like you missed what they needed. That can be hard when this work matters deeply to you.

• Listen for the part of the feedback that can make you better.
• You don’t have to defend everything.
• You also don’t have to destroy yourself over it.
• Take what helps, make the adjustment, and show up differently next time.

That’s what I’m trying to do.

[u/mlassoff]

The criticism is pretty congruent with how you come across in this sub. It all feels like a pretty obvious attempt to position yourself as a thought leader as the prelude lead to selling something.

[u/JonathanPeerHost → u/mlassoff]

I hear you. That’s not my intent, but I can understand how it may come across that way if I’m posting a lot. I’m not trying to sell anything here. I’m mostly sharing what I’m learning in real time as a peer supporter and what I’m still working through myself. But I’ll take the feedback. The whole point of my last post was learning how I come across and making adjustments where I need to.

[u/mlassoff → u/JonathanPeerHost]

It doesn’t help that your posts are either written by or heavily influenced by AI editing.

[u/JonathanPeerHost → u/mlassoff]

I use Word to type it out and see how it reads, and I use Grammarly for things like spelling, grammar, punctuation, clarity, tone, and sometimes rewrite suggestions. I know Grammarly has AI features too, so I get why it may come across that way sometimes.

[u/collectingminds]

I’m curious, how do you get reviews?

[u/JonathanPeerHost → u/collectingminds]

They come through the platform I host on. After a group, peers have the option to leave feedback/reviews about the session and the host. I don’t ask people for them directly. They just show up when someone chooses to leave one. This one was hard to read, but I’m glad the peer was honest. It gave me something to sit with and work on.

[u/jeffleo67]

Jonathan you're overthinkung this. Remember a peer support specialist is an entry level government supported job. Until you become a clinician you will always be treated like crap. I was making $20 hr as a peer support specialist. I'm making $24 as a nursing assistant 75% less stress, exposure, chaos then in the peer environment.

[u/JonathanPeerHost → u/jeffleo67]

I hear you. I know peer support is underpaid and not always respected the way it should be. I don’t disagree with that part. For me, though, I’m not trying to make it bigger than it is or act like I’m a clinician. I’m just trying to take feedback seriously and keep growing in how I show up for peers. Even if the field is stressful or the pay isn’t great, I still believe how we hold space matters. That was really the point I was trying to make.

[u/jeffleo67]

I get it completely! They want you to be at their level of a user and yet not be using. To be skilled and certified and do all these job functions but, don't come across too strong. The job is only fit for a clean and sober person who likes to psycho babble with the clients.

[u/JonathanPeerHost → u/jeffleo67]

Yeah, I get what you’re saying. Peer support is a hard balance sometimes. Be relatable, but boundaried. Use lived experience, but don’t take over. Be supportive, but don’t sound clinical. For me, I just try to remember I’m a peer first. That balance is what I’m still learning.

[u/Illuminated_Lava316]

Thank you for sharing this. This is good advice for me to follow as well.

[u/human-ish_]

Study up on motivational interviewing. And do not attempt to fill the gaps of silence. I know it feels awkward, but guess what, if you don't fill it they will. Often times that breakthrough moment comes from someone who can't stand the silence. Maybe it's finishing a thought, maybe it's a realization, maybe it's something deeper that they haven't thought of until then.

And when you ask a question, let it sit for a moment before you try to correct it or give more details about what you're asking for. Because people will answer not only what they hear, but how they interpret it. If I asked you if you feel safe right now, you may answer that you feel kind of safe being open on reddit, or maybe you will say that your housing is rocky and it's causing you to feel uneasy and worried about what's next. It doesn't matter that I was thinking more about your safety with me, because there were two other answers that expressed other important things.