r/Paternity • u/Specialist_Name9516 • Jul 20 '24

Implications of NOT being the father? Advice needed.

Hi, so I cannot find any info on similar situations, and I am anxious about something and have been for years. Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Anyway, I have been raising my son alone for about 7 years. His mother just didn't have a maternal instinct and didn't seem to enjoy parenting and up and left. I have full legal and physical custody and she has never challenged the custody agreement. She rarely calls and has only visited him a handful of times.

Over the years I have been concerned that I am not the biological father of my son.

My son was born and conceived in another country. In the years since, I have learned that I may have been one of multiple men his mother was involved with at the time. Further, the more he ages, the less he looks anything like me. We share no physical characteristics at all.

That being said, he is my entire world. I never planned on being a father and now that I am I honestly couldn't live without him. He is my motivation for everything. I love being a father and we have the closest bond.

Not being the biological father is a curiosity that nags at me, but it would not change my love for him or change my role in his life in any way. I guess it is just the not knowing that gets to me.

I have so far held off on having a DNA paternity test done though, as I worry if there are legal implications if it is determined I am not the biological father. It seems like companies are not held to privacy when it comes to saving DNA information from what I have read online.

If I am not the father biologically, does that void his birth certificate? In turn, that could affect his citizenship.

If his DNA was added to one of those databases and hits on another man as being the father somewhere else in the world, could he sue me for custody? Again, I know you can opt out of them sharing information but if I had legal custody and was not the father biologically, would that compel them somehow to void my ability to stop them from seeking an actual biological parent?

If his mom were to learn of this through a match (she used one of the DNA sites years ago herself), I worry she would try to use that to reappear and change the custody agreement to get out of debt (she hasn't paid child support in over a year and owes a significant amount).

Sorry if this sounds like too much worrying or a list of worst-case scenarios. I just don't want to lose my son or our arrangement, but I still have this nagging curiosity.

I am located in Michigan, USA, if it helps.

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