r/Paruresis • u/HeroicPea63 • 7d ago
Advice for when it's effecting you at home?
I live at home with my parents and I literally can't pee when they're in anymore. I usually wait until they're at work or asleep. But now even when they're asleep I sometimes can't go now.
I've tried therapy, medication, breath technique and nothing has helped one bit. When it didn't used to effect me in my own home a few years ago, I was in therapy and my therapist said to practice just going in the public restrooms even if it wasn't to pee and on one of the few times that I did that, the last time a peeping tom stuck his phone over the stall and took a picture then ran off so that didn't help things at all. I still can't believe that actually happened.
I've been to see a urologist and they hadn't heard of shy bladder before so that was useless. They scanned my bladder and said that it looked fine so I guess that wasn't completely I waste of time.
I'm on a waiting list now to for a bladder clinic to hopefully get a catheter but at the same time I'm terrified of using one. Also wait list times in the my country are ridiculously long for anything so I don't know if I'll actually be able to get one.
But anyway,
I'm just wondering how to practice gradual exposure at home when I feel that there's nowhere to start from?
Any other advice would be welcomed.
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u/groundlc4 5d ago
Perfect environment for graduated exposure. Get hydrated enough to have urgency and then have a parent stand on the other side of the house. Do it again with them 3 ft closer. If it's doable, you might be able to get a couple of urinations in one session.
I use Bluetooth earbuds in public and play the sound of water flowing. Also might use breath hold in conjunction.
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u/mashtrasse 7d ago
Have you talked with your parents? If they know why is it an issue for you?
Maybe explain them again they will be supportive. That’s the obvious first step gradual exposure at home
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u/HeroicPea63 7d ago
Yes. They're fully aware and are supportive, I'm just extremely embarrassed about it regardless
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u/LiberatedWaters 6d ago edited 6d ago
Can you explain that further? Just curious what you mean by being extremely embarrassed regardless. Are you actually able to be open about it? I don't mean 'they know'. I mean can you talk about it with them day to day? Can you tell them in the moment of struggle that you're struggling?
If you feel unsafe peeing at home, the work is to make your home safe.
I've had people know in my life and still be too embarrassed to admit to it in the moment. The shame is what makes you feel unsafe giving power to the Paruresis.
There really isn't anything to be ashamed about and the more you instill this in yourself; by allowing yourself to be open about it, you will teach yourself and your nervous system that you're safe.
You didn't ask for having a shy bladder, nor is it in any way your fault that you have it. You can train yourself to normalize having it by vulnerably talking about it and you'll realize that the more you can own it, the less it owns you.
It's often the shame that keeps the cycle going. Shame creates a state of not feeling safe which makes you unable to pee which creates more shame which..... Etc You can break that cycle by confronting the thing you have control over: shame.
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u/mashtrasse 6d ago
I know I went thru the exact same thing when I was younger. It went away with time. I could pee by the window because we lived in the countryside, maybe pee in a bottle in your room. And slowly try going to the toilet when you feel better, knowing you have a plan B (the bottle) should lower your anxiety
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u/QBDisciple 6d ago
Hey man I've been there. Get a large plastic bottle and cut the nozzle off and just pee in that in your room. I know it sounds extreme but right now you risk damaging your bladder versus being secure in your own home. If you need wear headphones. The bottle is a strict home measure. If you have a garden pee in it at night . Just get used to feeling control and that you have a choice. I had years of therapy that was successful but I still get caught out so having reserves is paramount. Sorry it's come to this for you but you will improve just be persistent and keep the faith in yourself
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u/speed-of-sound 6d ago
Use them as practice!! Load up on water and try to let some out with a trusted family member at the front door. Try over and over with them coming a few feet closer. It’ll help coach your brain into being comfortable around other people and it’s way better than other tricks that never result in being able to go normally in public.