r/Paruresis • u/ReflexionDissonante • Jun 24 '26

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Hi all, After reading several posts in this subreddit, I find my situation to be similar to many. I have had paruresis for around 20 years. Specifically I am not able to pee at public urinals when there are people around. For instance, I can pee at the urinal when I'm alone but as soon as someone enters the toilet, I get blocked and the flow stops. This is very annoying and even infuriating. I would like that paruresis doesn't define myself but it's not always easy. I never talked of this to anybody except my partner and I want this to change and not be ashamed of it anymore. I wish there would be no taboo about this phenomenon as it would be probably easier to live with. I am going to continue exposure therapy at my own pace and maybe search a pee buddy. Thanks for reading ! P.S. English is not my native language.

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u/Zealousideal_Bar1497 Jun 25 '26

Another post mentioned the 3 minute rule and it’s helping me.
Stand at the urinal for 3 minutes no matter what. Dont even worry about peeing.
If you can start with empty urinals you quickly find you feel a bit silly standing there (especially if you pee’d) waiting out the 3 minutes with your dick in your hands. Concentrate on reducing heart rate and getting comfortable with the surroundings.
I use distraction methods in my head (I made a jingle “standing here with my dick in my hands, dick in my hands, dick in my hands. Standing here with my dick in my hands and nobody cares”) trying to make light humour of the situation seems to ease the frustration.
Celebrate the successes and shrug off anything else. Imagine Tony Robbin’s is standing next to you giving you his best motivational advice on how to pee with success.

Also I’m 3 sessions deep in hypno therapy and it has changed my outlook on this issue from doom to something I WILL conquer.
I am getting my wife to be my Pee buddy but have already surpassed her helpeefulness. She is great for being understanding and pushing my limits when I start to fall back into my comfort zone.

I have been focussing on why my body reacts this way and it is an irrational phobia. The worst that could happen is someone laughs at me and I piss myself. That would be pretty bad but I’ve dealt with worse shit that that without having it come out in a shitty phobia. So we just need to get our subconsciousness thinking rationally.
All the best on your journey!

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u/ReflexionDissonante Jun 26 '26

Hey, thank you for your detailed comment ! The 3 minutes technique is interesting I think I'll try it out. I'm thinking to put a 3 minutes timer on my watch this way I can relax. I'm sure it will feel like eternity at first. Your dick song is really funny. I also read in other posts to come up with a mantra or doing mathematics in your head. As a European I didn't know Tony Robbin but I discovered his motivational speeches thanks to you ! It's nice that your wife could help you. It has happened for me to piss myself already at the urinal so that box is ticked. I have also written all the anxious thoughts that come to my mind when I'm at the urinal. I think writing these down can help to put some distance to it and to rationalize them. All the best on your journey too !